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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Disrespectful teenager

36 replies

jade0881 · 13/05/2021 17:57

Hi all,
So although my daughter is 12 is 13 in sept. I recently found out I was pregnant and told my eldest daughter just because I would need to her to help out around the house and with younger sister whilst my partner is working. Normally our relationship is what a mother should have with her children.

However I've noticed that she has become more and more disrespectful and secretive since she has started year 7.. Today for an example i walked past her bedroom and she hid something ran straight past me into the garden(shared garden with my lovely neighbours) and hid something in the garden down my neighbours side. I told her numerous times to go and get it and she refused. I don't want to stress myself out because I'm in my early stages of pregnancy.

My partner don't get home till late so I can't get him to deal with her.

All till now the child hasn't got what she hid... I'm actually getting sick of her ways. Sometimes I feel like crying, sometimes I feel like punishing her.. I have all these emotions..

What do I do? I actually feel like taking her to the doctors and getting them to sort her out because my stress levels with her is out of this world.

Any advice please

OP posts:

Millano · 13/05/2021 19:14

Blimey. Give the OP a break guys. She's clearly suffering and stressed. OP, you sound like a fab mum. And your daughter sounds like a grumpy teen with a good heart. Things will sort themselves out. Try to not stress yourself out, and try not to worry about things that perhaps don't matter. Xx

GreyhoundG1rl · 13/05/2021 19:17

There's always one who tells the op they're a "fab mum".
Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. Who could honestly tell from the tale she's posted?

Stichintime · 13/05/2021 19:29

The language you use in your post about your daughter is concerning. I understand how awful teenagers can be, but please try to see your daughter more positively. Go and see what's she's hidden and have a calm chat with her when your both calmer.

RJnomore1 · 13/05/2021 19:35

Sorry she doesn’t sound like a fab mum at all.

This is an absolute mountain out of a molehill. Go see what she put there if you are that worried. What do you think a doctor is going to do?

Pregnancy is most definitely not an illness, I say that as someone who has horrendous pregnancies too, the only person creating stress in this situation is you.

TabithaTiger · 13/05/2021 19:36

Why should your daughter have to help out more because you've decided to have another baby? That's your decision, not hers.

Year 7 is always a tricky time, and on top of getting used to new teachers and new friends, she's probably feeling unsettle by the thought of having a new sibling.

Why does being pregnant stop you walking down the garden?

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/05/2021 19:54

At 12 your DD should have age appropriate chores which help her learn. This shouldn't change based on your reproductive choices.

And she doesn't need a doctor! Unless there's a massive drip feed coming.

LynetteScavo · 13/05/2021 19:54

I recently found out I was pregnant and told my eldest daughter just because I would need to her to help out around the house and with younger sister whilst my partner is working

Eh? She's a child, she shouldn't be responsible for looking after anyone else.

And so what if she hid something in the garden?
It's hardly an issue to bother the GP with.

The garden is an odd place to hide something she doesn't want you to find. You've asked her many times to get it and she hasn't, but she's had your full attention the whole time you've been asking her to get it. It sounds like a case of negative attention is better than no attention.

You seem quite quick to declare someone is being disrespectful to you OP. I'm not trying to disrespect you, but I would respectfully like to point out you need to parent your child, not wait for your DP to come home.

Mumoftwo1990 · 13/05/2021 20:26

@jade0881

Hi all, So although my daughter is 12 is 13 in sept. I recently found out I was pregnant and told my eldest daughter just because I would need to her to help out around the house and with younger sister whilst my partner is working. Normally our relationship is what a mother should have with her children.

My partner don't get home till late so I can't get him to deal with her.

All till now the child hasn't got what she hid... I'm actually getting sick of her ways. Sometimes I feel like crying, sometimes I feel like punishing her.. I have all these emotions..

What do I do? I actually feel like taking her to the doctors and getting them to sort her out because my stress levels with her is out of this world.

Any advice please

I don't mean this to be rude but it's a huge age gap (not a criticism) and she's probably not impressed by the news. I went through this myself a couple times with my mum and I didn't want to hear about it, it was also annoying that I was expected to help when it's not my baby. I'm really sorry this sounds harsh but as a teenager that's how I felt. So she might be feeling the same thing perhaps?

Skyla2005 · 13/05/2021 20:34

You got pregnant then told her you need her to help out with her younger sister ? I'd be pissed off too !

itsgettingwierd · 13/05/2021 21:13

@Millano

If you're that much of a friend you know despite what she's typed she's actually a fab mum - perhaps you could go round there and look in the garden for her?

WeAllHaveWings · 14/05/2021 09:34

She is still a child. The teenage years can be challenging and you will need to step up now you are bringing a baby into the mix when you dd needs her mum too.

You should be thinking about how you can support her through the difficult teen years, keep her on track through her secondary education, the big change of having a baby sibling with such a large age gap and really listening to her. Not having motherly talks telling her she needs to help you more around the house and help you with her younger sister just because you are pregnant. That isn't her job, its yours.

Right now you are making her resent her new sibling before they have even arrived.

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