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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

15 year old rules

44 replies

ihavethehighground · 02/05/2021 11:58

How far do you allow your 15 year old ? Our DS has some new found freedom after lockdowns but its making me feel uncomfortable to be honest. Yesterday he was late home as he was having a nice time with friends.

OP posts:
lljkk · 02/05/2021 12:28

What time and how late was he home?
Did you know where he was when he was late?

Hellocatshome · 02/05/2021 12:37

What actually happened? How late was he? Did he keep in contact? My 14 year old is allowed out until 9 on a weekday 9:30 on the weekend. He isnt normally late, if he is late but has called to tell us he will be late and we think the reason is valid (sometimes he waits with his friends who are girls until they get on their bus etc) then fair enough. If he doesnt tell us he will be late and is longer then about 15 minutes for no good reason then we would not allow him out for the next few days to drive home the message that being late is jot acceptable.

Original poster
ihavethehighground · 02/05/2021 16:42

We said be home at 2. Rang him and still not back at 3. I went to find him and rang him again from a distance, so I wouldn't embarrass him. He still asked for more time. Had been out since 10am so had plenty of free time by then.

OP posts:
Sunny1112 · 02/05/2021 16:56

What so back in at 2 for the day?

Maggiesfarm · 02/05/2021 16:56

I don't think being out during the day should be a problem. Day time activities were not something I policed with mine when they were teenagers, they came and went as they pleased.

When he starts rolling in after midnight, that's different.

Sunny1112 · 02/05/2021 16:58

Yeah as pp my parents were lucky if they seen from between 10am-10pm 😂
Let him have longer out, he’s happy, just ask for updates if you feel worried

kowari · 02/05/2021 16:59

Did he need to be back by 2 for a reason, did you have plans that involved him?

NerrSnerr · 02/05/2021 16:59

2pm or 2am?

MsTSwift · 02/05/2021 16:59

Why did he have to be home? Happy for mine to be out in the day if with known friends at 15 seems odd to be storming round at 2pm chasing a 15 year old. Poor lad.

conywarp · 02/05/2021 17:02

Oh come on OP, at the very least give us the basics?

AM or PM Confused

kowari · 02/05/2021 17:05

If it's 2pm then give him a break, he's not ten!

Hellocatshome · 02/05/2021 17:09

Unless he needed to ba back for something in particular I think you are being ott. He is 15 if he was at home he probably would have just been on his phone/console with friends anyway. At 15 your friends are your life. My 14 year old went out at 11am we probably won't see him now until 9:30pm

RealityCheck24601 · 02/05/2021 17:17
Hmm My 14yr old was out 12-7:30 yesterday..I was getting regular updates as to where she was and what she was up to. I'd much rather her be out with friends for as many daylight hours as possible than cooped up inside, most likely on a screen of some kind. He's 15, give him a break!
Maggiesfarm · 02/05/2021 17:22

Why did he have to be home in the afternoon anyway, was there something special going on?

When you said you went out to find him, I cringed. No way would I ever have done that with my children if they were out with friends during the day or evening.

I was wondering if your son has some special needs which makes you shepherd him more heavily than most.

Hockeyboysmum · 02/05/2021 17:25

If 2pm yabu unless a reason he had to be in. My ds is 11 and hes usually to be in between 7.30/8.30 pm depending but so long as he stays in touch its fine

lljkk · 02/05/2021 18:06

details details

Original poster
ihavethehighground · 02/05/2021 18:06

2pm obviously
he has ADHD and is easily influenced/ somewhat vulnerable. We are letting him do this to see how he handles it before allowing more

OP posts:
UCOinanOCG · 02/05/2021 18:10

At 15 mine would go out in the morning and be back for tea. They got lunch wherever they were with their pocket money. If they weren't going to be back for tea they let me know. Often I didn't see them again until 9 or 10 pm. I pretty much knew who they were with and where they might be though.

Hellocatshome · 02/05/2021 18:14

If DS is easily influenced/somewhat vulnerable is there something that happens at 2pm that makes this worse or before 2pm that makes it better. Presumably you approve of the friends he was with so does it really matter if he spends more time with them?

QwertyGirly · 02/05/2021 18:16

Today DS has gone out with friends at 2 pm, they are a bit further away (they took the bus to another localish area) and they are back in the neighbourhood at 7. Then he will call me and will probably stay around in our local neighbourhood until 10.

It depends where they are - if its very local, 10 or 10.30 pm at a push. He'll get a meal deal when he gets hungry. Or he makes himself a sandwich before going out.

TeeBee · 02/05/2021 18:16

I let my 15 year old out as long as he wants so long as he tells me where he is or if if he's moving on elsewhere. If there's lack of communication, the rules tighten up.

NerrSnerr · 02/05/2021 18:17

It really wasn't obvious whether it was 2am or 2pm because without context driving to find a 15 year old at 3pm seems a bit of an overreaction

What does he do when he's out? Does he have a good bunch of friends?

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 02/05/2021 18:23

We don't have set rules for DD but she's not interested in going out in the evening yet. No time limit in the day as so far she herself wouldn't want to stay out after dark unless at a friend's house, in which case we know where she is and we pick her up (rural, no public transport, big distances between places).

For us problems might start next year when she'll be at college in the nearest city. We won't have daytime rules then but evenings may become an issue.

I work with vulnerable young adults with a host of complicated issues in a residential setting and as long as they're safe crossing roads they're free to do as they please in daylight hours but we ask to know exactly where they are and when they expect to be home if out after dark.

GreyhoundG1rl · 02/05/2021 18:27

You were so unreasonable going out to find him Shock.

conywarp · 02/05/2021 18:28

@ihavethehighground

2pm obviously he has ADHD and is easily influenced/ somewhat vulnerable. We are letting him do this to see how he handles it before allowing more

Rude much?

There was nothing remotely obvious in your post. In fact it was about as vague as it gets.