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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

15 year old rules

44 replies

ihavethehighground · 02/05/2021 11:58

How far do you allow your 15 year old ? Our DS has some new found freedom after lockdowns but its making me feel uncomfortable to be honest. Yesterday he was late home as he was having a nice time with friends.

OP posts:

Christmasfairy2020 · 02/05/2021 18:29

It depends tbh. Did you say be back for 2pm so he is back for his dinner and then go out again. If so yanbu as his sunday dinner will have gone cold. If not you are been b unreasonable. He's 15

Mydarlingmyhamburger · 02/05/2021 18:31

I don’t think you were unreasonable at all. So he’s got adhd, is vulnerable and easily influenced, and he’s instantly failed his first test run to see if he can be trusted.

MumofSpud · 02/05/2021 18:31

@ihavethehighground

2pm obviously he has ADHD and is easily influenced/ somewhat vulnerable. We are letting him do this to see how he handles it before allowing more

Actually it wasn't obvious- as others have said was there a reason he had to be back by then? I have a DD who is 15 and timings are an issue battleground

3CCC · 02/05/2021 18:31

2pm !

So what happens after school which finishes after 3pm. Is he allowed to hang out with friends then or does he come straight home?

ADHD aside based on the limited details given YABU

CheshireCats · 02/05/2021 18:44

2pm?? My 13 yr old os allowed out till 7pm! All his friends will still be out and he's got to come in at 2pm?
Generally my 14 yr old is picked up at 8pm (because we live rurally and all her friends are in the town 9 miles away) but her friends that can walk home seem to have to be home for 9pm.

Original poster

ihavethehighground · 02/05/2021 18:51

I honestly don't think it's wise to let youths hang around in the evenings. That's a definite no. He has sport most evenings anyway

OP posts:

CandyLeBonBon · 02/05/2021 18:51

Unless there was a specific reason he needed to be back for 2, I think you need to cut him a bit of slack.

And no, he hasn't 'failed' as a pp, put it.

Adhd really affects executive dysfunction, impulsivity and decision making.

I would use this as an opportunity to discuss strategies to help him manage his time. Time blindness is a big thing for adhd sufferers too / so helping set up for success rather than accusing him of failing his first 'test' are massively important.

Do you know his friends? Do you trust them? That's key here.

Sunny1112 · 02/05/2021 18:54

I would be mortified being called home at 2pm when everyone else will be out till evening.

Hellocatshome · 02/05/2021 19:00

I honestly don't think it's wise to let youths hang around in the evenings. That's a definite no. He has sport most evenings anyway

Why whats going to happen just because its the evening? My son has sports most nights as well, he is playing cricket all day tomorrow as well with it being a bank holiday this is exactly why I let him stay out until 9pm, time with friends is very important for teenagers, especially now they have missed out on a year of proper face to face socialising.

NerrSnerr · 02/05/2021 19:02

@ihavethehighground

I honestly don't think it's wise to let youths hang around in the evenings. That's a definite no. He has sport most evenings anyway

My parents were massively over protective. I just ended up lying to them about where I was going, even if it was somewhere completely innocent and once I left home at 18 I went massively off the rails with my new found freedom.

SeventyEleven · 02/05/2021 19:07

I would prefer my kids to stay out all day and then they aren’t at home being annoying. We don’t really have a night time curfew as yet but it’s certainly later than 2pm. They’re all 15 or under.

conywarp · 02/05/2021 19:29

@ihavethehighground

I honestly don't think it's wise to let youths hang around in the evenings. That's a definite no. He has sport most evenings anyway

It's not wise to give your 15 year old a 2pm curfew either

niceupthedance · 02/05/2021 19:34

I think it depends where you live and what the risks are to teens being out all day and eve without coming home to check in

lljkk · 02/05/2021 21:44

Is the first time he's ever gone out by himself?

Comefromaway · 02/05/2021 21:52

My Ds has asd and st that age was vulnerable and easily led.

At 15 I’d have expected him home for tea at 6pm unless he had something specifically planned. I’d then wAnt him in by dark or 9pm whichever came first.

2pm on a weekend day is treating him like a primary school child.

Staywithmemyblood · 02/05/2021 23:32

@ihavethehighground - Rather than comparing how much freedom other parents give their teens, is your issue more how do you find a way to trust that your DS will be home at the agreed time and that he will answer your calls/reply to your messages when he is out? This applies whether he is out for one hour or 10 hours, and whether his curfew is 2pm or midnight and makes your post more relatable 😊

If he has ADHD and is impulsive and easily led this will be difficult for him, but it sounds like he needs to earn your trust and be more reliable before he is allowed more freedom. However, socialising outdoors with friends is so important, particularly after this past year. Can you work together to come up with a plan which would satisfy both your need to ensure he is safe and remembers his timekeeping, but allows him the much-needed freedom to spend time with his friends? Encourage him by awarding more freedom as his reliability increases. I think you’ll need to compromise too as most teenagers would rebel against a 2pm curfew and a 4-hour time limit for socialising 😬

My DD used to date a boy (15 at the time) who had ADHD and ASD and his DM would check in with him regularly and remind him when he was to be home etc. This wouldn’t suit all teens (it would drive my DD mad if I tried that with her 🙈) but it worked for them. If he ignored her and/or came home late there was a consequence and she would contact him more frequently the next day.

Good luck 💐

Maggiesfarm · 02/05/2021 23:49

@ihavethehighground

I honestly don't think it's wise to let youths hang around in the evenings. That's a definite no. He has sport most evenings anyway

You do realise that when he is 16, he can choose to go out in the evening without needing permission.

MadMadMadamMim · 02/05/2021 23:57

We don't have a time DS has to be in, but in summer holidays would generally expect him to be home by about 10:30pm because there is no where open that he could be by then, and it's probably dark. If he was at a friend's house I'd still like him home by about 11pm unless there was a particular reason for why he wanted to stay longer.

Gaming til 1:00am and wandering home would not be allowed.

rach2713 · 07/05/2021 23:55

My sons life consists of Xbox and going out side he has to be home for 10pm and also 6pm for his tea as I like us all eating together part from Saturday is like free for all

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