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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

16 year old just walk out do I call the police?

40 replies

Meltinthemiddle · 28/03/2021 22:17

This is the second time he's come home late last night was nearly mid night.. Tonight he's come late again even though he has school tomorrow and needs to do his test etc. He's also been vaping in his room. Dh and him had words and ds started banging walls and furniture. Dh got angry and ds called him a dick head and basically has walked out. I'm tired and fed up with it. Ds thinks he can do what he wants and dh has no patience.

OP posts:

Bunnybigears · 28/03/2021 22:20

Unless he has any particular vulnerability I wouldn't phone the police yet. Does he have a key and his phone?

Lotsachocolateplease · 28/03/2021 22:23

I think I’d give him half an hour and then call 101. If he has his phone - I bet he does, then I’d text him a message along the lines of
You need to come home. If you are not home by 10.45 then I will phone the police.

Fleetheart · 28/03/2021 22:24

If he isn’t back soon you can call the police; (non emergency number) they have been helpful with me when my 16 year old has left late at night.

Original poster

Meltinthemiddle · 28/03/2021 22:35

OK thank you. He has his phone but not his key never takes his key. I'm not sure where he will go either. I'm justso tired of the rows. I've got work in the morning I really don't need this 😢

OP posts:

activitythree · 28/03/2021 22:37

I wouldn't call the police at all. He is 16, not vulnerable and has his phone. It's not really a police matter.

Fleetheart · 28/03/2021 22:44

@activitythree, the police were helpful with me; I reported my son as missing and they looked for him. They said that the definition of a missing person is one who is not where they should be and at 16 and this time this boy should be at home.

activitythree · 28/03/2021 22:49

[quote Fleetheart]@activitythree, the police were helpful with me; I reported my son as missing and they looked for him. They said that the definition of a missing person is one who is not where they should be and at 16 and this time this boy should be at home.[/quote]

I didn't say the police would not be helpful.

I said I would not, under these circumstances, call the police.

Original poster

Meltinthemiddle · 28/03/2021 22:51

Thank you everyone. I feel sick thinking about it.

OP posts:

activitythree · 28/03/2021 22:52

@Meltinthemiddle

Thank you everyone. I feel sick thinking about it.

Do you think he is in danger as opposed to gone to mates/girl/boyfriend house or meet up?

Scbchl · 28/03/2021 22:56

I have a 16 year old and think you are being far too strict with the times he has to come home. Its no wonder he's walked out in rebellion. Nearly midnight on a Saturday night at 16 isn't a big deal and tonight must of been before 10 when you posted at 10.17 and your dh had already had an argument with him and he walked out..if you keep being overly strict you will push him away.

Scbchl · 28/03/2021 22:56

Hope he has a walk and calms down and is home soon.

AnnaFiveTowns · 28/03/2021 23:00

I also think you're being a bit strict over bedtimes for his age. He's 16. You really need to choose your battles at this age.

Original poster

Meltinthemiddle · 28/03/2021 23:01

He's 16 and still at school. He doesn't even take a key. He's walking the streets alone so I don't think it's unreasonable. I wanted him home because I need to do register his test he can't do it himself! I have work early and dh is poorly so we asked for him to be home at 9.30 on a school night. We have also asked he doesn't vape in his room as it stinks the house out.

OP posts:

Bunnybigears · 28/03/2021 23:05

Why can't he register the test himself? Have you tried to contact him. I would text and say he needs to let you know he is OK and be in by midnight or you are calling the police.

Lotsachocolateplease · 28/03/2021 23:07

On a school night 9.30 is perfectly reasonable to expect him to be home on a school night. At the moment he shouldn’t be out anyway.
And no vaping anywhere not just his room!!
Any word from him op? Have you decided to phone the police?

Original poster

Meltinthemiddle · 28/03/2021 23:13

@Bunnybigears

Why can't he register the test himself? Have you tried to contact him. I would text and say he needs to let you know he is OK and be in by midnight or you are calling the police.

I have. He doesn't know what to do he's dyslexic plus I know he won't bother doing it. He just wants to do what he wants all the time no respect for an rules or boundaries even when we've tried to be reasonable. He eats all our food and by that I mean crap, he steals and lies. He vapes in his room all the time when Ive said no. There's no respect! He can be nice one minute when he has everything his own way and horrible the next if we say no. I just want him home, safe so I can got to bed.

OP posts:

Doyoumindfisithere · 28/03/2021 23:20

Ring the Police non-emergency number and explain. They are there to help, they will advise if nothing else.

I think a 16yo out alone at this time is not right, they are not somewhere, they could be anywhere.

Hope he appears soon.

diwrnachoflleyn · 28/03/2021 23:22

Just go to bed. He steals and lies? I'd let him go and have a spell away in the real world.

Original poster

Meltinthemiddle · 28/03/2021 23:24

Thank you, I'm questioning myself right now after being I on here! I thought 11pm on a sat night was perfectly reasonable for a 16 old who's still at school especially as his last bus is at 11.15pm and he will be coming home alone! I don't know I give up with it all sick of the rows and drama.

OP posts:

RhubarbCustardy · 28/03/2021 23:25

The police could just keep an eye out on their eve rounds and can stop him and ask why he's out if they spot him. Hope he turns up soon OP. I feel for you.

Andi2020 · 28/03/2021 23:30

@Meltinthemiddle hope you are all ok and he comes home soon.
Personally I would keep ringing him and send him message to come home and I'd probably be out driving around looking.
Teenagers at 16/17 do not want to be home at 9.30.
With covid19 mine are not out but before covid19 I had a run away dd when she couldn't get her way but she eventually would text for a lift home.
Do you know who he is out with and where they hang out

wishuponarainbow · 28/03/2021 23:32

Are you able to see where he is using find my iPhone type thing?

I totally understand why you're worrying and don't think you're being unreasonable at all on a school night when you're working.

Original poster

Meltinthemiddle · 28/03/2021 23:32

It's was a row over something stupid both ds and dh were being pathetic. But ds doesn't see his behaviour over the last few weeks and especially last night has tipped dh over the edge especially as he feels like shit right now and just wants to go to bed. We've had to let so many things slide to appease ds but he still keeps taking the piss and when we say no he kicks off!! There's no middle ground.

OP posts:

Original poster

Meltinthemiddle · 28/03/2021 23:44

He's probably walking the streets smoking. Dh has been gone over an hour looking for him. I've let so many things go and it is causing so many rows between dh and me right now because ds just thinks he can do what he wants. He's doing shit at school right now so he's not going to be getting a good job or moving out any time soon with his shit attitude. I've had to accept I can't live his life for him. But when he's constantly home late and doesn't even take a key, tired for school and run down, vaping in his room, eating all our food and taking our stuff

OP posts:

Original poster

Meltinthemiddle · 28/03/2021 23:52

My mums found him and picked him up. Although I'm relieved I'm so angry with him right now. He's worried and stressed me and his dad and now his grandparents out who are in their 70's. As much as he's my son and I love him some days i just can't be doing with him and he needs a reality check.

OP posts:

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