16 year old just walk out do I call the police?

[Meltinthemiddle]

This is the second time he's come home late last night was nearly mid night.. Tonight he's come late again even though he has school tomorrow and needs to do his test etc. He's also been vaping in his room. Dh and him had words and ds started banging walls and furniture. Dh got angry and ds called him a dick head and basically has walked out. I'm tired and fed up with it. Ds thinks he can do what he wants and dh has no patience.

Glad he's safe OP. Hope you can manage to have a discussion with him tomorrow when things have calmed down. Bloody kids!!

Do you think he’s anxious about the test if he’s dyslexic? Is there something else going on for him do you think? Do you talk to him about how he’s feeling?

I'm glad he has been found OP but tbh I do think you are going a bit over the top. My DD travelled the length of the uk when she was 16, staying in premier inns and visiting the big cities alone. I don't see what particular risk your non vulnerable 16 year old was in being out at night, of his own doing. Perhaps the answer is to simply let him stew if he does it again.

Why does he not carry a key? Maybe that is something you can bring to the table when you talk this through? The vaping is a definite no, I don't disagree, but perhaps a little bit more leeway in terms of curfew, particularly at the weekend. Although I do see your point tonight as he has left this test to the last minute. Does he struggle to be organised? Where did he go earlier and why didn't he do the test then?

So many questions, but try to focus on the important parts, and let go the not quite so important parts. Maybe 'don't vape and we will extend your curfew' or 'carry your house key and we will extend your curfew'

I persumed OP meant he had to do his Covid test not a school test. How did your parents get involved OP? If you called them then it was you involving them not DS

Yes sorry its a covid test. I think he rang them so he involved them. I'm tired and both me and dh feel rotten. And at the end of the day he's living in our house. 11 pm at the weekend for a young 16 year old is reasonable especially when he doesn't take his key or answer his half the time. His key is in his room somewhere and I'm not paying out for another when he doesn't keep them safe. A man got raped near the route he walked last year and has never been caught. And I don't agree a 16 year should not be out past 11pm during a lock down anyway. It's not just young girls who are vulnerable these days.

Thanks everyone for the help. I'm just annoyed with both ds and dh right now. Mainly ds it's all take, take, take and no consideration for others.

Pleased you’re son is home & safe.

I totally agree regarding the time to be home on school nights, I wonder if the comments from people that thinks it acceptable for a 16 yo to be out till midnight at a weekend actually have 16 year olds.

I don’t like to say it, because you must be stressed out but I know from my own sons who are now 19&18, that drug use was fairly common among teens at school. Do you think you’re DS could be taking drugs OP? May explain the erratic behaviour.

Does your DS listen to his GP’s aunt/uncle or any other adult that he trusts who could have a conversation with him about his behaviour.

I hope things improve very soon OP, teenage years are really tough

I’ve got a 16 year old and those are not unreasonable times to be in, especially the night before School. My 16 year old is in bed by 10 pm when she has school the next day.

Thank you. Unfortunately it's not safe for anyone walking alone at that time of night. Im pretty sure he's not doing drugs but I won't be surprised if this is the next thing. He doesn't come home steaming drunk so that's something. I think he just doesn't like the word no and like most teens these days has a sense of self entitlement and thinks he can do what he wants. If I could trust him to do the test himself I would but I have to supervise because he can't get off his bloody phone or off his ass to actively do it he knows how to do the test but I still would need to register it because he's dyslexic!! I just want him to pull his finger out and get his GCSE's so he can get a job and move out!! But he's messed all that up already so will be redoing it all. I even submitted his 6th application because he hasn't been bothered I just made him sign for it. And yes I'm not teaching him a lesson but I don't want him home here doing nothing and everyone else suffering. If he wants to be treated like an adult he needs to grow up and take responsibility and act like one! And ive seen nothing of that yet except teenage dramas. If he lives in anyone's house there are rules and he needs to abide to them whether he likes them or not! That's life.

I don’t really get people who say op is being over strict with curfews. I expect my 16 year old to be in by 10 on a work night and later on others nights as long as we know how shes getting home/time etc. I did this with eldest daughter until she was 18. Its not fair to expect us to wait up on a work night and I wouldnt go to bed before knowing they were in. My 16 year old has just left a few times, called police each time, worried about her safety plus she needs to know she can’t just take off. I told her the last time, she woyldnt be coming back here if she did it again, she hasnt and says she likes living here lol

The eating all your food thing, I think you need to address this by making sure he has plenty to eat... hes a teenage boy! They eat alot

What do you mean by eating your food? Is DH his dad? I hope your DS isn’t hearing all this “he needs to get a job and move out” ... he’s 16! That’s not going to be for a while! And in the meantime your house is his home!

Teens can be a pain in the arse at times and it’s tricky to navigate with them and agree boundaries/times etc. Where does he go until midnight? Friends houses, fine, wandering the streets not so fine.

You don’t seem to understand much about teenagers OP. Also there seems to be very little love in the way you speak about your son. I would start by having a good look at yourself. You sound judgemental, intolerant and insensitive. Sorry, but teenagers need a loving supportive presence to talk to and halo them navigate life. You just sound so mechanical.

A 16 year old shouldnt be missing at midnight.Shocked that parents think is is acceptable for a child to be out at midnight. Fair enough if it is a arranged social gathering and parent knows where 16 year old is at this time. As s parent you have duty of care to know they are safe until they are 18.Untill you are 18 you are by law defined as a child and a parent must safeguard that child and safeguard them in education. Any doubts you can always call non emergency police

Strange you've decided to comment on this today. OPs son is now 21!