Just found out DS has used drugs yesterday and probably today

[Worknoplay]

Long story short, DS made a mistake in his search on the internet and I figured out that he has bought two joints on Saturday, went out with a friend yesterday and smoked, and again today. He is 15, is generally ok and not badly behaved, is struggling with lockdown, but I have to say I am absolutely shocked. The clothes he wore yesterday smell, I know 100% he has taken drugs. It's not just a doubt. He is out now with same friend and his train pass isn't in its normal place.

That first conversation will be hell. Hold hand and encouragements please.

He's smoked weed. He hasn't 'taken drugs' fgs.

You're going to need a better sense of perspective if your planned conversation is going to be productive.

But you've already decided it will be 'hell'.

Look, it's your home, I do understand, and he's your son and you love him and care about him. You really need to centre those things in your discussion(s). Focus on the risks, but keep a perspective, or he probably won't really listen.

@TheLaughingGenome

He's smoked weed. He hasn't 'taken drugs' fgs.

You're going to need a better sense of perspective if your planned conversation is going to be productive.

But you've already decided it will be 'hell'.

Look, it's your home, I do understand, and he's your son and you love him and care about him. You really need to centre those things in your discussion(s). Focus on the risks, but keep a perspective, or he probably won't really listen.

I'm confused, is weed not a drug anymore?

I have no experience with this but I would look at the talk to frank website, and I'm here for a virtual hand hold.

Agree with the Laughing Genome - go in with an open mind, and really listen. You say he's a good kid, and he's struggling with a really shitty conversation.

Of course discuss it with him - but don't go in guns blazing or you're shutting down conversation. Good luck!

Obviously I meant situation not conversation...

Tbh I don't think this is particularly unusual for a 15yo.

Certainly give him a telling off but I wouldn't come down too hard on him. We all did it at 15, it's not like it was a crack pipe.

Meh. Teens experiment. It's what they do.

Cannabis is a Class B, yes, used to be a C then moved back up to B because of skunk and politics (amongst other reasons).

But your issue is talking to your DS, so that he will listen; and encouraging him to talk to you, so that you can listen.

We we didn't all do it at 15... And weed is definitely a drug.

I do agree with being calm though OP, and let him talk.

@TheLaughingGenome

He's smoked weed. He hasn't 'taken drugs' fgs.

You're going to need a better sense of perspective if your planned conversation is going to be productive.

But you've already decided it will be 'hell'.

Look, it's your home, I do understand, and he's your son and you love him and care about him. You really need to centre those things in your discussion(s). Focus on the risks, but keep a perspective, or he probably won't really listen.

This. I know that you're upset OP but this isn't the absolute worst thing ever to have happened. Gi into it calmly, plan what you're going to say and the outcome will be more productive.

I think we all hope to defer weed-smoking/drinking/other risky behaviour for as long as possible, but the fact is, for most of us, our teenagers will do this stuff. My 16yo certainly does. I wish he didn't, but I don't make conversations "hell", because I need him to be able to talk to me and I need to know enough about his life that I can support him if something goes wrong. Parents who raise hell about the odd joint generally aren't the first port of call when their teenager is in trouble or needs support. I won't set myself up as the enemy.

Talk to him. Tell him your fears and misgivings about what he's doing, give him some insight into how it feels from your side of the fence. He knows you're only human, that you love him and want him to be safe, and you know he wants to have fun and do the things his friends are doing - he's old enough to understand that the relationship is a two-way street and there has to be compromise. My 16yo responds much better to boundaries which are agreed in this context, and I find it much easier (and much less unpleasant) to talk to him and keep up with what's going on in his life, since I stopped grounding him and started treating him like a reasonable human being. And he come and talks to me when he's not sure about a situation he's in, which is all-important to me.

Another vote for @TheLaughingGenome. You need to put this in to perspective and have a calm and honest conversation with him. Experimenting with weed is very common and does not mean that he is on a path to hard drugs anymore than if he shared a beer with a friend. A calm and open conversation will be far more beneficial than going in all guns blazing.

If it was my 15 year old (and it probably will be in a year or two) I would discuss being safe, not letting it lead to other more damaging drugs/situations, not giving in to peer pressure or in anyway being involved in the movement or selling of drugs. The dangers of drugs (especially weed) is not just the taking of the drug but in the people/lifestyle that go along with it. County Lines is a big worry and many many talks gave been had at my sons school about it. One child was asked to look after some money by a 'friend' this 'friend's then arranged to have the child mugged for the money. So hey presto the child now owes money and cant afford to pay it so has to do little jobs for the 'friend' such as delivering drugs, looking after phones etc. Its very easy for them to get in over their heads.

I do agree that the risks are worth discussing. There's the mental health aspects; finding the money; being manipulated for money by friends; being manipulated by sellers; making yourself vulnerable in parks etc; being picked up by the police if they think you're selling on; and, by no means least, pissing off your own mum.

These are all absolutely worth talking about.

Shouting at or with a teenager is a fool's errand.

@TheLaughingGenome

He's smoked weed. He hasn't 'taken drugs' fgs.

You're going to need a better sense of perspective if your planned conversation is going to be productive.

But you've already decided it will be 'hell'.

Look, it's your home, I do understand, and he's your son and you love him and care about him. You really need to centre those things in your discussion(s). Focus on the risks, but keep a perspective, or he probably won't really listen.

I completely agree with the last paragraph, about talking to him calmly and listening to him.

But weed is a drug and would be unacceptable in my house. The fact that most people do it, doesn’t mean it’s right or not dangerous. Each family sets its own boundaries. In mine, drugs aren’t allowed. That includes alcohol and tobacco. Let’s not minimise how harmful drugs are, especially to teenagers whose brains are still developing.

Agree with others, it’s weed—hardly the crime of the century. Important thing is that he understands he can talk to you and is not in a position to get pressured or put in danger

He bought the drug (weed is a drug) himself, from a dealer, in a local park, facilitated by another teenager that I know. DS used money that his grandma gave him at Christmas to buy it. I know when, who, how, and most things in between, and he encouraged another friend to take it with him, I also know his parents.

I'm from a country where buying and using weed is legal, it's something that is very much common and I am not being over dramatic about the long term consequences of this incident. But I am very conscious that DS has just made a string of bad decisions and yes, it will be very hard to have this conversation as I know he will try to lie but won't be able to.

He basically used a browser called Incognito to cover his tracks on the laptop but he didn't shut the browser so I can see what he has been doing and who he has been talking to. Not impressed, he can't even shut a browser properly, lazy little so and so.

Anyway, thanks for calming me down. I have a plan, as they say.

Sympathies OP. Had this with my 15YO a month or so ago. After initially going apeshit we sat down and had a good chat. We talked about potentially going down a path he didn't really want to be on and the problems associated with hanging around with kids in that mindset. We caught him in the very early stages. I think a lot of it can be contributed to lockdown boredom as he's normally super busy doing 3/4 different sports a week. I tried to focus on that health aspect as well.. putting shit into his body etc. He's not done it since. He might do again in the future but hopefully will think twice.

My DS first smoked weed at 15. I didn’t know for quite a while (a few months), but he does it so rarely now (he said last time was the summer, I try and keep the conversation going) and he’s not that interested in weed or drink now really (he’s nearly 17). He’s prob smoked it about 6 times!

I couldn’t get worked up about this. It’s not exactly Crystal meth

I'd tell Grandma what the birthday money was spent on. Natural consequences.

What is your concern about the train pass? Hope he is keeping good company and not going to get sucked on?

In not on

I’d obviously have a conversation of the dangers of getting involved with drugs, where it can lead, not to give in to peer pressure etc.

But at the end of the day, I couldn’t get massively worked up by a 15 year old smoking a couple of joints. Most people I know dabbled with cannabis and other drugs too. We’ve all gone on to lead normal productive lives.

Dear me. Walk around. Just about every group of teens I walk past I can smell weed. It's so common now.