Just found out DS has used drugs yesterday and probably today

[Worknoplay]

Long story short, DS made a mistake in his search on the internet and I figured out that he has bought two joints on Saturday, went out with a friend yesterday and smoked, and again today. He is 15, is generally ok and not badly behaved, is struggling with lockdown, but I have to say I am absolutely shocked. The clothes he wore yesterday smell, I know 100% he has taken drugs. It's not just a doubt. He is out now with same friend and his train pass isn't in its normal place.

That first conversation will be hell. Hold hand and encouragements please.

@Chimoia

I'd tell Grandma what the birthday money was spent on. Natural consequences.

I agree.

Please everyone do not minimise weed. I know its fashionable to be cool with it, but op is talking about her 15 yo child meeting a drug dealer in a park and buying, then taking drugs. I would love you all to meet the young adult in our family who is currently been assessed for bi polar after years of smoking weed to self medicate his anxiety. I would love you to meet my 55 year old friend who has spells of brain vacancy from smoking weed all though his teens. And the 40 year old family member who has been sectioned twice. We are from a professional, middle income family and drugs have hit us hard.
I'm pleased you caught him out early on @Worknoplay so that you can have the talk with him. I agree with those who say be calm and listen. Seek professional help.

It is indeed endemic amongst teens, but not without harm.
I'd be having a conversation around the medical risks. Likewise to Alexander I know a few adults who have smoked it for decades - but who now cannot relax, as they put it, without it.
You're also dealing with some shady characters. Plus the risks around county lines. Get clued up with your local situation and have a conversation.

Agree with @Alexandernevermind, I know people close to me with serious mental health problems triggered by weed. Also myself had a bong made up for me, must have been really strong, threw an incredible whitie and have suffered from panic attacks ever since. I also had a long-term boyfriend who absolutely was addicted (I know you can't have a physical addiction to weed) used to spend all his money and my money on weed then still ticked, did nothing else with his life. And yeah it is a gateway drug, no one goes from 0-smack.

Not that I'm saying this will happen to your son obviously, most people experiment it's natural, but I hate it when people minimise the risks of cannabis.

Agree with @Alexandernevermind, I know people close to me with serious mental health problems triggered by weed.

Correlation is not causation

Concentrate on the reasons why you’re scared and angry-effects on his health, lack of openness etc. Don’t go down the Drugs Are Evil route, because he’ll just blank you out-for him they’re fab, so give him a broader perspective which he’ll ignore for a bit, but it might sink in slowly

OP if he starts to play the piano maniacally that'll be the time to worry

No, only the psychiatrists and trained specialists seem to think so but what do they know, eh

I work as a youth worker. It will be a tough conversation. Aside from the danger of covid so much could have gone wrong with that meeting and smoking of weed.
It's hard when your angry/had a big scare to have a calm conversation but you will get a lot further by being calm but stressing the dangers and issues, look up information together as well as working to find out why he done it and explain there is so much support for what he's thinking and feeling.
www.talktofrank.com
Young people will test the boundaries and may not realise how much danger they put themselves into. It's your job to protect/guide him and ensure he learns from it.

(Side Note- if you have all the information on the Dealer you can contact the police and file a police intelligence form.)

You can buy any drug you want on Snapchat these days

IMO these conversations need to be happening very very early. And we as parents, need to expect that they may be adamant on experimenting, and the purpose of the conversation is therefore to minimise the risks as much as possible

One/two joints is not a disaster. But I guess you do need to know where he is at with this - why he has decided to try it. Experimentation for a laugh is very different to being depressed and hopeless.

I also think teen boys need a role model on this.

This won't be palatable for everyone on this thread, but I have found it to be a realistic viewpoint. Mine both have listened to Joe Rogan a lot (biggest podcaster in the world - talks about every topic under the sun). He is a macho but genuine guy. He smokes weed. Openly.

But, what is important about his viewpoint is that he smokes weed occasionally but he is also very disciplined and successful in all areas of his life (family as well as work) and he is absolutely clear that no-one should be smoking weed while their brain is still developing (aged 25)

He is very upfront about his view - he will openly state that getting stoned is a pleasure for him, but it would never come at the cost of his family, work and general discipline.

My teens have been able to develop their own view on this because of this starting position laid out by Joe Rogan and they actively chose not to do it in excess, but I know there is the odd joint going on - it just does not impact their day to day, they are still productive and functioning humans. And importantly they are doing it for pleasure, not to mask any shitty depressive feelings.

@hamstersarse has a good point. All of the people I mentioned in my previous post would have started smoking weed at probably 15 or younger. I have children a similar age to yours @Worknoplay, and have been very open and honest about why auntie x or uncle y struggles so much. Not in a disrespectful way as these are people I love, but my children need to know that whilst the joint smoking seems glamorous or cool at the time, 20 years down the line you are a mess. Its "helped" that we had isolated problems with black mamba in our local town, so they have seen the young men standing like zombies. As pp said, you don't go from 0-cocaine.

As pp said, you don't go from 0-cocaine.

Youll probably find more of a correlation between alcohol and cocaine than you will between cannabis and cocaine

You're doing quite a lot of eyerolling without adding much @JustAnotherPoster00, unless I'm missing the point?

Are those who are more relaxed about it aware that it’s stronger than, say, 20 years ago?
There’s research showing a relationship between it and mental health issues. Eg
‘In one recent study that followed nearly 2,000 teenagers as they became young adults, young people who smoked marijuana at least five times were twice as likely to have developed psychosis over the next 10 years as those who didn’t smoke pot.’
From www.health.harvard.edu/blog/teens-who-smoke-pot-at-risk-for-later-schizophrenia-psychosis-201103071676

My mates were stoners, I tried repeatedly but always ended up in a whitie so soon learnt not to bother. But of our group, 1 was sectioned (def Triggered by drug use), and 2 of the most gorgeous boys in the world spent so much time getting stoned that the world has literally passed them by and they live in a flat together still getting stoned. In their 40s. So, it’s everything in moderation.

[quote ThePricklySheep]Are those who are more relaxed about it aware that it’s stronger than, say, 20 years ago?
There’s research showing a relationship between it and mental health issues. Eg
‘In one recent study that followed nearly 2,000 teenagers as they became young adults, young people who smoked marijuana at least five times were twice as likely to have developed psychosis over the next 10 years as those who didn’t smoke pot.’
From www.health.harvard.edu/blog/teens-who-smoke-pot-at-risk-for-later-schizophrenia-psychosis-201103071676[/quote]
And thats a direct result from prohibition THC is the active component that causes the high, back in the day the more naturally grown cannabis had a lot of the CBD component which gave a sort of balance but like with alcohol in the US during prohibition you would get more 'bang for your buck' as a consumer and as a supplier with higher profits to be made in a non regulated market by adding all kinds of shit often resulting in death or serious health implications, skunk (1 type of cannabis but the term has been hijacked for headlines) is the cannabis market version of whisky, if the entire market could be taxed and regulated it then becomes harder for dealers to sell their 'gear' I mean who'd buy a bottle of alcohol from some dodgy rando with a reputation for a tenner

I’m concerned that children smoking weed is being normalised on this thread.

Not at all Ano noone under the age of 25 should partake in it unless medically directed to, but theres no evidence that cannabis is a gateway drug and OP should obviously speak to her teen but coming at it from the direction of DRUUUGGGSSS!!! wont help either of them

I'm coming back on this thread to say thank you to everyone. I think it has been a balanced discussion, unlike many threads these days on Mumsnet. Some very helpful comments.

I don’t disagree, @JustAnotherPoster00 but that’s where we are isn’t it?
So given that it is the very strong stuff, it’s wise to be cautious, not just shrug and say, ‘well, legalising it would help’.