Found 2 x toilet brushes in DD yr11 almost 16 years olds messy bedroom

[Spring2021]

We have been trying to encourage DD to tidy up her very messy unhygienic bedroom for a couple of weeks (even just to put dirty clothes in wash, rubbish down, food/snack papers in bin, strip her bed etc).
I thought I would leave it at DH’s suggestion also as she home schools from there and she particularly hates me. But my favourite microfibre hair towel was in there, other towels, plus mugs, plates and snack food rubbish etc etc. As she does her schoolwork in there and screams at us to go away/get out if we go anywhere near we haven’t been able to get in to tidy it up. She rarely leaves the house, gets dressed and rarely goes in the shower. But we insist she comes downstairs and sits at the table to eat her evening meal with us.
Today I dropped hints to DH about it so he went in whilst she was in the shower (she is slightly more tolerant of him). Amongst the mess he found two newish looking toilet brushes? When she came out of the shower she went mad when she realised someone had been in her room stripped her bed and picked up a mountain of washing etc. She also assumed it was me and sent me a couple of abusive texts.
Anyway getting to the toilet brushes I quickly googled teen girl toilet brush (I thought she was maybe doing some sort of silly/unusual Tiktok thing but had no idea what) and a lot of hard porn things came up. Am I missing something here or am I right to be concerned? DH asked her where she got them from bearing in mind we are in lockdown and she hasn’t been out the house since before Christmas. She said her Best Friend had bought her them. We have suspicions that she may have a bit of a crush on her BF. She is quiet, angry and moody and has totally fell out of love with us since lockdown one so we are lucky if we get a grunt, a swear word or a one word answer to any conversation with her. She only really speaks to her BF now and is not with a popular in crowd at school. What would you think/do in this situation?

Bullying can have a massive effect on self-esteem in so many ways. I have seen it in my dd and have experienced it myself. I haven’t been bullied since I was at school but it still affects me now in certain situations so it will still be affecting your DD a couple of years down the line. She may need some counselling or therapy if she’s amenable to it.
It’s horrible when your kids retreat but maybe if the root cause is tackled by a professional, things will be easier at home. I would insist on a weekly clear-up & regular showering though for hygiene sake - maybe a treat after?
Can’t help on the loo brush but if she’s wanting to explore she will not talk to you about it! My DCs would never talk to me about masturbation - I assume they do it but as I’ve never had cause to worry about any ‘tools’ used I don’t mention it!!

There was a thing on tik Tok recently where teens dressed as toilet brushes. It was silly and innocent.

Could be that!

Take the door off her room
Please don’t do this.

If you suspect ASD does she know that you do? Have you ever discussed getting her assessed with her?

You're not Russian are you?

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.businessinsider.com/russia-protesters-troll-putin-gold-toilet-brushes-2021-2%3famp

Take the door off her room

www.bulimia-treatment.co.uk/signs-of-bulimia.html#1

Following on from a comment above. Would be odd to store the brushes in her room though.

Ignoring the toilet brush issue, no idea what thats about.
The disgusting bedroom, refusal to wash/dress etc may be a sign of depression. Not uncommon at the moment, but it also doesn't sound like she will be receptive to any conversation about it, sadly.

Could your husband get his sister to speak to her? or get some informtion about what could be wrong?

Do NOT take her door off!

But DO demand she brings down any washing-up.

Thanks yes haven’t taken door off. Trying to keep lines of communication open when she comes downstairs for food and keeping an eye on her taking any food upstairs. But she tends to do it when I am working or out with the dog. DS will happily discuss how his lessons and schoolwork etc is going but DD won’t say a thing.

She does sound depressed to me. Lots of teen depression manifests as, or is put down to, 'being difficult'. I'd do as a PP suggested, and have a talk to her about her feelings - both parents (either individually or together), with an emphasis on how you are worried for her and want to help. If you had any experience of being depressed as a teenager, then share that too. Think of how you would like to be treated if you were depressed. Ask her what would motivate her to be more hygienic - again, all the usual prompts have gone (school, friends), so this can be a depression vicious circle.

I'd be really worried about teenagers having computers and phones in their rooms, just on a protection basis. Laptops/computers and phones staying downstairs might be a way forward? This would have to apply to your son too, and again, have it come from a place of concern and safeguarding their well-being. This could have been prompted by something you have seen on TV.

Definitely don't take the door off, glad you aren't considering that!