Teen and School Work

[userfgbs]

I am struggling with my teen and their on-line school work and wondering if anyone can relate?

Basically my eldest dc is bright but doesn't appear to put in effort (preferring to watch movies etc on-line rather than catch up). Another e-mail from school advising that dc has not attended certain lessons/uploaded work has just arrived in my in-box.

I have tried talking in a rational way - which ends with teen appeasing me by saying they will catch up with work etc or it was because they didn't have the correct link or some other excuse. Lo and behold another e-mail arrives to say x,y z is outstanding. Now it is started to end in a shouting match with dc trying to lay the blame at my feet. I want to wash my hands of it all but I can't because I am a responsible parent (who currently has their own issues including relationship issues) and other dc in the house to home school etc.

I'm beginning to believe the old adage rings true...you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. I fear my dc will learn the value of a good education too late. I was always driven to achieve so try not to drive my dc in the same way - but pointing out it might give them more options later on. I feel I can no longer keep repeating the same old thing but it doesn't feel right to walk away either.

Anyone?

I have one exactly the same. I have to micromanage everything he does or he wouldn't do anything independently. I know people say leave them to it but it's so hard when you know they are wasting their education.
During live lessons I have caught my son watching you tube as he has 2 monitors.
Home schooling is so difficult for everyone and often causes family arguments. You have my sympathy.

Me too! Oh joy! My youngest - 14 yr old in yr 10 - intelligent - luckily loves all aspects of school and this morning refused to get up after a week of ‘compliance’ - yesterday I noticed she was half watching a film while in an online History lesson - I challenge reasonably and she becomes angry - I will sanction but it will make no difference - all my kids are bright, opinionated and head strong! I have 2 older children - one just released from prison on an explosives charge - found ‘not guilty’- fireworks but remanded for 15 months because of Covid and complete refusal to engage with the Police) and one with straight A’s in A levels doing Law degree next year! You could not make it up.

I am a single parent doing 12-hr shifts in healthcare, have had Covid and now vaccinated (praise the Lord) but life is stressful and I absolutely knew this would happen - the older kids are trying to encourage her but with one on a gap year working and one ‘on Licence’ it’s tricky.

I will continue to encourage, incentivise, constantly monitor and feed healthy food (!!) and e-mail the school regularly about ‘events’ - this morning she deleted the ‘Edulink’ app on my phone in a full blown strop.

Please Gav Williamson prioritise lateral flow tests, PPE and infection control in schools 🙏

yesterday I noticed she was half watching a film while in an online History lesson

Yes, dc admitted to doing this too (different subject though).

Same here. 14 year old DS, year 9. All I get is "OK" "mm hmm" and "don't care".
Not sure what else I can do. I'm sick of nagging.

God yes.

Another 14yo dd, y10. Will not work downstairs. Will not discuss subjects. Does bare minimum and doesn’t care.

We have a parents evening in an hour - I cannot wait to see what her teachers are going to say. I’ve pointed out to the school that if they want students to engage more then perhaps more than two live lessons in a week might help?

Bet they love me

yesterday I noticed she was half watching a film while in an online History lesson

Ha! I asked dad to turn off the tv in her room whilst she was supposed to be working (only went in a week ago, I’d resisted this long for exactly these reasons but thought it might help her mental health - ds still doesn’t have one and he’s 17) only to be told ‘I can multi-task’.

No, you can’t.

Dd not dad

How old is your child op?

Two things. As a teacher and with a 15yr old and a 14 yr old.

1. Have clear sanctions. Do XYZ and then you can have XYZ. So I'm not bothered when they complete work, if they YouTube all afternoon and then they do it. Bit if they dont do it they lose phones/tablets/PS etc and no take away at the w end (it's all I've got!?)

2.Dont sweat it too much. I'm a teacher and I got distracted by messages on my phone during an online meeting going over the same old stuff!? We're human As long as they have a goal for Post 16 / adulthood they will be semi motivated 🤷‍♀️

I have a DS year 12 who is academic and has been largely self motivated since end of year 10 (but before that he too was putting minimum effort in).

I also have a DD year 11 who is dreadful. I think she is doing more work than it appears but she is putting very little effort in, missing online classes and making excuses, any discussions ends up in a shouting match, she refuses to listen and occasionally she gets upset. We got her mock results this week and they were dreadful. She has always been less academic than DS but she seems to be really selling herself short but won’t listen. DH and myself are both wfh and she could use the front room for her studies but she opts to work in her messy bedroom, refuses to tidy it and more often than not doesn’t open the blinds. She brushes her hair and puts a decent looking hoodie on (with old PJ bottoms and probably yesterdays knickers). We are lucky if we can get her out of the house for a short walk twice a week. So unsurprisingly she is demotivated. She will be lucky to get into 6th form at this rate. I think her year group have missed almost a years schooling and this may have affected their maturity.

*Two things. As a teacher and with a 15yr old and a 14 yr old.

1. Have clear sanctions. Do XYZ and then you can have XYZ. So I'm not bothered when they complete work, if they YouTube all afternoon and then they do it. Bit if they dont do it they lose phones/tablets/PS etc and no take away at the w end (it's all I've got!?)

2.Dont sweat it too much. I'm a teacher and I got distracted by messages on my phone during an online meeting going over the same old stuff!? We're human As long as they have a goal for Post 16 / adulthood they will be semi motivated*

Thanks Chosen. My dc goes off the deep end when I talk about sanctions...their phone is deemed their life!

The goal is really relevant. My dc is talking about studying law but this has only come about in the last few days and since then dc has appeared more motivated - especially in the subjects in which they need to do well (and fortunately are the strongest ones).

Dc seems to be working late at night on school work instead of the other way round but I've always been a night owl so just letting them get on with it. It's working much better than last lockdown - on-line schooling unravelled very quickly, all outstanding work seemed to mount up. The school are pretty quick to e-mail me. No e-mails in the past couple of days...I count this as good progress.

DC is year 10. Can very much relate to your post randomrebel.

To add to this I've got a primary aged child (and a younger one). We are querying dyslexia in relation to the primary aged child...if it deems to be the case, we are the backfoot in terms of learning styles anyway. I've flagged it up with the school today...not sure what the next step is...Chosen do you have any experience with this?

Yep got that here OP. DS1 is Year 11. Will be across his work when I am on his case and in his grill the whole time. He's good natured about it, as am I to a point, but it is exhausting and I wish he would galvanize himself more. I have had a call from History teacher last week to say he didn't attend a class or even open the material online (they can tell). He knows grades are going to be awarded based on perceived effort as well as work submitted but that doesn't really seem to be sinking in.

DS2 the opposite, gets himself up and ready, does his work without being nagged.

Having online lessons to the normal timetable is much better than the first lockdown where they were just set work and told to submit it by Friday.

I had to sit with him to make sure he applied to two 6th forms last weekend or I know he just wouldn't have bothered.

Thankfully he is laid back and grateful for my support, but there is a thing as too laid back....

My son with Asd is like this, I keep wondering if there is any point in me helping him with his work as it's almost like I'm doing it for him and he is barely contributing or thinking for himself but I can't quite allow him to just do nothing or spend most of the day crying about it, he is age 10 though but I do wonder what the best approach is

Last year during lockdown my dd was on a roll, so much so that I thought maybe she would be better off being homeschooled. She won an award for getting the most merits, a national award for a competition, ran 5k 3 times a week and was on the class bulletin every Friday.

This time round I can barely get her out of bed before 11.00. She only completes half her work and not thoroughly. Every time I leave the room she is on her phone, refuses to get dressed or even go outside for fresh air and just sits around surrounded by crisp packets.

I pray that this lockdown ends soon, maybe it’s the weather but it really is not working for us this time round.

My nearly 15yo is becoming a recluse. In her room all day every day, comes down only for food. She used to be the most sociable child, I’m not sure how much her group are even talking to each other - they have nothing to say as they’re going nowhere and doing nothing, just endless TikTok and Netflix.

I hate it, but short of physically dragging her downstairs what can I do? I keep telling myself that it’s temporary, but it feels like it’s potentially damaging right now.

Even my super keen one is flagging. But productivity is important and they are students so they need to be studying. Stay on their case compassionately. You don't want them to be left behind. Suggest that they do work on facetime with a friend, tell school they are struggling with motivation, chat about those post 16 goals, look at whether they are on track or need to change plans. Change the workspace if needed.

DS is year 10. It's horrendous. He is SEN but also sooo lazy. I feel your pain..... Please god they let the exam years go back after half term.....

I can completely relate to this OP. My dd is an August child in year 9. I literally cannot imagine just how many times we have explained how she will get out what she puts in, how she needs to apply herself to all subjects whether she enjoys them or not, how she will need options for her future.... I follows this pattern:

Dd does not do her best, sloppy work
We point it out and explain why she needs to try harder
She shouts
We leave her to cool off
Go back and we talk more calmly
She listens and cries
Better work for a few days
Repeat

She is more than capable but she does not have the maturity to see past the end of her nose at the moment. I also think the problem is that school have not expected enough of her - she is a kind and polite girl and tends to float because she isn't a trouble maker or a high achiever.

Having said all that - it's better this time compared to the first lockdown. She has a full timetable of live lessons which helps. But gosh, when you talked about 'leaving a horse to water' that struck a chord with me. So frustrating!

@Chosennonesneakymincepie

Two things. As a teacher and with a 15yr old and a 14 yr old.

1. Have clear sanctions. Do XYZ and then you can have XYZ. So I'm not bothered when they complete work, if they YouTube all afternoon and then they do it. Bit if they dont do it they lose phones/tablets/PS etc and no take away at the w end (it's all I've got!?)

2.Dont sweat it too much. I'm a teacher and I got distracted by messages on my phone during an online meeting going over the same old stuff!? We're human As long as they have a goal for Post 16 / adulthood they will be semi motivated 🤷‍♀️

I can't think of anything to take away from DS. He needs a device to do his schoolwork so I can't take away everything. Any device he can do schoolwork on he can also use to read, which is almost all he does. If I could take away all devices he would reread physical books. It would feel wrong to take all his books away. He would care if I took away his money and debit card and then stopped buying icecream with the weekly shop but that would feel wrong and he would adapt and just eat greek yogurt or bread with honey instead anyway. He wants to go to his grammar sixth form but no clue after that.

Another one who won't allow gaming until the school day is over and all tasks completed. DS12 races through it all to get to free time. We had a parents Eve last night and the teachers are very pleased with him and he's doing well, but he does no more than he has to and doesn't do any of the 'optional' tasks. DS10 works slowly and finishes later than he would at school. They get carrots and rewards - forDS12's good reports we had a KFC supper last night and bought him a new game. If it's Netflix your child is watching can you give the password once work is complete?

I got an email yesterday about ds taking his options. He is 13 and in year 8. He had 6 months of year 7 before the shit hit the fan. We are in Manchester, so their school has been closed pretty consistently since then. He looked really puzzled when I brought the subject up. He cannot make this kind of decision. He's so immature and just hasn't had enough schooling to drop subjects at this point. I'm actually frightened for his future. In positive news though dd has finally done her UCAS form with about a day to go. She's self taught A levels as she is cv and not been in college since last March. She is predicted high grades so just hoping she gets on the highly competitive degree she wants. This is all so very unfair

Those of you who are out at work all day so not directly supervising, any suggestions for the whole logging on & doing the bare minimum but not actually engaging? I've got a rare day off today and I've realised Ds (year 10) logs on to the lessons but spends half his time watching YouTube/messaging friends . I can't take away or switch off the tech otherwise he can't do the lessons (and he uses his phone to upload his evidence) but I hadn't realised until now quite how little he was doing.

That's the problem, they need the tech to do the work so you can't take it off them! They do zoom meeting but screens are off and they are muted - so they can do what they want. My son is definitely only there in body - he is not taking any notes so will have nothing to revise from.

@Lechatnoir

Those of you who are out at work all day so not directly supervising, any suggestions for the whole logging on & doing the bare minimum but not actually engaging? I've got a rare day off today and I've realised Ds (year 10) logs on to the lessons but spends half his time watching YouTube/messaging friends . I can't take away or switch off the tech otherwise he can't do the lessons (and he uses his phone to upload his evidence) but I hadn't realised until now quite how little he was doing.

You can turn off you tube on your braodband filter. Sky do a Broadband buddy app that filters out individual apps of your choosing