Teen and School Work

[userfgbs]

I am struggling with my teen and their on-line school work and wondering if anyone can relate?

Basically my eldest dc is bright but doesn't appear to put in effort (preferring to watch movies etc on-line rather than catch up). Another e-mail from school advising that dc has not attended certain lessons/uploaded work has just arrived in my in-box.

I have tried talking in a rational way - which ends with teen appeasing me by saying they will catch up with work etc or it was because they didn't have the correct link or some other excuse. Lo and behold another e-mail arrives to say x,y z is outstanding. Now it is started to end in a shouting match with dc trying to lay the blame at my feet. I want to wash my hands of it all but I can't because I am a responsible parent (who currently has their own issues including relationship issues) and other dc in the house to home school etc.

I'm beginning to believe the old adage rings true...you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. I fear my dc will learn the value of a good education too late. I was always driven to achieve so try not to drive my dc in the same way - but pointing out it might give them more options later on. I feel I can no longer keep repeating the same old thing but it doesn't feel right to walk away either.

Anyone?

Same sort of hell here too. 14yr old ds yr 9, already 21 pieces of work behind after 2 and a half weeks.i could tell he was doing nothing and made him show me his outstanding work. Now struggling with the current lessons as hasnt done the ones before.his motivation is zero

I’ve got 2 teens, one in year 9 and one in year 11. The year 11 has checked out of education, he’s high goals and can’t seem to understand that he won’t simply get his predicted grades (they are good, he’s academic). I’ve tried everything I can to motivate, encourage, nag, punish to not real avail. Can’t physically make them produce the work. School have offered him a place in school as his mental health and work are suffering hugely, he’s reluctant to go, but I will be making him. He needs some structure , discipline and a more positive working environment. The effect this pandemic is having on our teenagers is heartbreaking.

Youngest is 15. She has been doing ok but I've noticed it's starting to drop off now. Yesterday she said she wasn't well. Let's see what today brings. She has an 8.30 zoom! At least she's got up.

I feel you. I have a 15 yr old in yr 11. I've had 3 emails today to inform me hes behind and hasnt handed work in. This is a cycle. Happens every few weeks. We row, I go through teams with him and write down what hes behind on and tell him to get started! He kicks off. It eventually gets done,but its minimal effort. Hes been accepted into 6th form as long as he gets the grades and I'm really worried he wont. Its stressing me out. I'm sick of the cycle. The refusing to do certain lessons because hes not bothered about them. Nothing gets done and I'm sick of the emails from teachers. I'm at a loss as to what to do. His attitude stinks and I genuinely worry for his future. School are using all his work to determine his gcse grades, does he really think they will give him decent grades if they can see he cant be arsed?! I cant get through to him!

I came on here to put something similar. My 14 year is a nightmare and couldn't give a shit about his GCSEs next year. Little git spent 10 and half hours on his phone on Monday when he was meant to be doing online lessons. He is awful to talk to about it all. Flings things like "Well you just think I am a failure anyway." I just want him to show a vague form of application. It has a huge impact on my mental health, as I suffer from anxiety and this sends it into overdrive. Both his dad and I are hardworking people who haven't got to where we are without a serious amount of hard work. Neither of us understand how he just doesn't want to do well or at least try his damn hardest to do well. Both his other brother work really hard and do everything that his asked off them. Sorry to vent but I sat here on the verge of tears.

I feel you. When my son got his offer for 6th form, he was buzzing and motivated to work harder to achieve the grades. This enthusiasm hasnt lasted. I'm so glad it's not just me. I feel really alone, seeing parents of his peers posting how well their kids are doing. I've also got anxiety and had the worst day today. Wanted to bury my head but then what am I teaching him? Weve made a plan to sit down and thrash all the work out over the weekend. Hes not happy. I'm not happy. I'm dreading the next few days xx

Thank you for this thread Op!! In the same boat with my teen, don't know what im going to do. But reading everyone's replies has really helped me today

Thank you my year 11 has done the bare minimum of that but I have no way of knowing. He says he's stressed and he's not really learning. He's been going out with friends and walking out during school hours. Dh had to lock the door and physically restrain him today from leaving the house 😔. I'm working and dh is working from home and is so stressed with ds attitude and I'm worried it will get worse between them.

This is all well and good ‘Chosennonesneakymincepie

Two things. As a teacher and with a 15yr old and a 14 yr old.

1. Have clear sanctions. Do XYZ and then you can have XYZ. So I'm not bothered when they complete work, if they YouTube all afternoon and then they do it. Bit if they dont do it they lose phones/tablets/PS etc and no take away at the w end (it's all I've got!?)

2.Dont sweat it too much. I'm a teacher and I got distracted by messages on my phone during an online meeting going over the same old stuff!? We're human As long as they have a goal for Post 16 / adulthood they will be semi motivated 🤷‍♀️‘

However, we are both trying to wfh, DS yr12 is also on online lessons. DD yr 11 is totally immature, unreasonable, illogical and appears close to the edge. We encourage her to bring her phone downstairs to charge between 10-10.30 on a school night (every night she is sullen and arsey about this, we have to shout on her several times to get up, she gets out of bed 10 minutes before her lessons start in a mood (doesn’t eat breakfast), doesn’t get dressed, works out of a messy bedroom, doesn’t open the blinds etc. Her teachers set work in three different places only one place I have access to (which is what they are meant to be using, so as a parent its difficult to keep a track. Yesterday I had an email
which I am sure will be the first of many. Complaining she hadn’t submitted two pieces of work from two weeks ago. We discussed this with her had a lot of shouting, anger and swearing. Said if it hadn’t been done by 4pm it would be a technology ban. She eventually emailed it to the teacher at 3.55pm twice but the teacher refused to accept that and emailed to say she hadn’t received it and then decided she required it uploaded to teams. Some lessons are 15 minutes, some lessons are over an hour. DD is fed up with the inconsistency. We try to be sympathetic and supportive but she is just so angry and unhappy. None of her friends live nearby and she is doing the right thing but hasn’t seen anyone since before Christmas (which isn’t helping). Its so hard for them all and us as parents.

It is incredibly hard at the moment, isn't it.

DS2 slept through a whole day this week while I was at work. He hasn't been anywhere since before Christmas, and has only been outside in the garden twice since new year.

If we get through this without us all losing our marbles then that is a good outcome..

Their lives are usually so clearly mapped at this age, and he was so sporty - football 4 or 5 times a week. It is really tough not seeing friends.

I am trying to ignore the rudeness and stay calm as much as I can and as long as they are logged on when lessons start I have decided I don't care what they are wearing, i am picking my battles very carefully! Same for bedrooms.

I have found gaming really helps him socially so IMO it would be counterproductive to take that away.

Any ideas to get him outside would be welcome. He ran and tracked it on Strava in Nov but he won't go now and I cant force him.

Yes I just leave DD to it now too its not worth the nastiness and upset. I know she would feel
better in herself if she got up a bit earlier had some breakfast, got dressed, put clean underwear on, brushed her teeth and let some daylight in etc.

In the last lockdown neither of my DS’s school were arsed much about home learning, DS2 is still primary and was told just to read, DS1 (year 10) logged into google classroom every now and again and did a bit of homework. Now it’s online classes every day so if he doesn’t engage, he will miss out on teaching - which wasn’t the case before. I am wfh and I make sure he logs into lessons but I’m not doing much more than that in terms of getting him to actually do work.

My y11 ds is the same. I could cry. He’s very bright but disorganised. Says I’ll do it I’ll do it but then stays asleep or puts it off. It’s so stressful trying to keep him going to be met with apathy. What a waste.

I have a y10 dd who does everything I feel like she does more to compensate for ds. She has 2 GCSEs this year so hopefully it’ll be worth it for her.

My Son like many others will try to get out of some of it but it doesn't take much to persuade him.
He's one of those supposed to be taking exams and as they are going to be tested in some form, I've put in extra revision using past test papers provided by the school upon my request.

I thought I'd write some of my own test papers with some trick questions to test his observations.

He said" When do you want me to do this test paper of yours?"

After you've finished your school work.

Anyway, he finished it and with his mouth tightly shut trying not to laugh, he gave it to me and said" You are such a pratt at times."

Me, LOL did you tick the right box?

First question: Do you believe you are observant? He ticked the 'yes' box.

He then went on to answer all questions which he answered correctly (except one).

At the bottom of the test paper it stated Only answer the first question

I said, you fell for that. You got one wrong.

Question: 3 foxes have two babies each, how many foxes in total? He put 6.

I said it was wrong, he said why is it?
I read it again and said foxes in total?

Him, "You should have been more specific".

Me, "No. You should have been more observant. That was the point"

He then totally wiped the floor with me and said "Be honest, you'd prefer me to answer them ALL anyway"

I said, do you know what, fair shout to that.
In fact, I think I can award you extra marks for that response!