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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Getting up during lockdown

41 replies

PeteJ · 06/01/2021 08:54

Hi. I'm Pete I'm new here. Single dad with 3 children. Wanted to find some advice please.
With lockdown and routines. I am aware of the effects to mental health lockdown has on us all. With my children l find it incredibly difficult to get them up in the morning. Do you think it better that l try to get them up as l would on a normal school day? We are in day 2 of lockdown and my daughter (12) is already of the opinion that she can just stay in bed. I have enough trouble getting her up to physically go to school. It doesn't help that the school she is at seems to only set work that needs to be submitted by the week's end. My son (15) is up but she is such hard work.
I don't want to keep fighting with her as l am aware she has lots on her plate.
Should l keep pushing to get her up or let her sleep on? Any advice? Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Andi2020 · 06/01/2021 10:49

I get mine to do 3 hours a day
Half hour 6 subjects as per timetable and if doubles they only do a single so they get all subjects on normal timetable covered.
Ask her to pick a time so she feels kn control of it.
Say all subjects to be covered each day on timetable
Are you at home to oversee she does work.

MrsFHolmes · 06/01/2021 10:56

My DCs are starting at 9 ( I tell them the sooner you start, sooner you finish...) but this means they only need to get up at 8 instead of 6:40 as they would on a normal school day. I remind them of this advantage.
I also take them up a small breakfast in bed just to try and get the day off on a positive note for them.
With teenagers I think it's all about getting them to understand why it benefits them, not just telling them that they have to do it and that's that. And reminding them of the positives- no time wasted on travelling home, no homework. After 3pm or whatever, the rest of the afternoon, evening and night are their own.
Could they be in touch with a school friend and work together online?

yellowmaoampinball · 06/01/2021 11:03

Is she getting her school work done and does the lack of routine impact her mental or physical well-being? Those are the big questions I guess. If the answers are yes and no then I'd leave her be really. No point starting the day with an argument unless it's really necessary!

Original poster
PeteJ · 06/01/2021 11:39

Hi thanks. Yes l am at home. Walking the line between being too dogmatic and letting her run riot. The school work isn't as comprehensive as l would have hoped. In the 1st (March) lockdown l totally lost control in as much as they just wouldn't get up wouldn't go to bed at school night time (which is about an 90 minutes earlier than weekend night) and it was a situation l didn't want to get into again. But already on day 2 l am getting "go away! I don't even NEED to be up yet" and can see where this is going...
My daughter has...emotional difficulties caused by lack of mum (long story which is too much to go into) so her behaviour is challenging at best. But with this lockdown and all the stress that brings- well that's a whole new level of hurdles to overcome.
I don't want to lose control like last time but l also don't want to spend the next 5 weeks fighting a battle to get her into bed at night and out of bed in the mornings.
At least with school she had a routine. So yeah, just asking advice really

OP posts:
Original poster
PeteJ · 06/01/2021 11:42

Yes the lack of routine and her already complex emotional problems are being made worse. It is really difficult at the best of times but getting her to get up is already causing huge problems and it's only day 2!
I really don't know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
SparklingLime · 06/01/2021 11:49

Have you read this, @PeteJ? It’s available on kindle and audible as well:

www.amazon.co.uk/How-Talk-Teens-will-Listen/dp/1853408573?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

As teens (and she’s almost there) are known to be not functioning at their best early in the day, could you agree on a a later time eg 10am that she has to be up by - so you’re compromising but requiring her to get up.

Mustard21 · 06/01/2021 12:06

Fully expect to be laughed at here but honestly this is what I would do given what you’ve said.

Try to help her out by making the morning as nice as possible. Say wake her gently at 8.30 am, if she has done a perfect bed time then I would give her a hot chocolate (her own special mug) to ease her into the day (if not then just a juice/milk), half open curtains, tell her if it’s foggy or sunny, if you can see a bird in the garden or a neighbours cat. Help her keep her bedroom tidy (my DD13 and I do it together) so it’s a nice start to the day. If she is rude I would knock it on the head but my DD responds really well to a bit of tlc and is appreciative.

With schoolwork I do sit down and agree a timetable with my DD, we write it down and keep a copy on the fridge, lots of short breaks and try to get the work done in the first half of the day. We also schedule if she wants to watch a particular movie. With my DD a small snack here and there keep her on track. Very often I pretend to be Chivers the butler when I bring a glass of milk and biscuit! So basically I would try more carrot less stick for a week and see how it goes.

NovemberR · 06/01/2021 12:17

Much sympathy and little advice.

My Y11 DS is still in bed, refusing to get up, refusing to take the covers off his head, refusing to do any school work at all.

I'm stressed to high heaven that he's going to receive fail grades across the board because he's doing nothing.

PainterInPeril · 06/01/2021 12:58

You have my sympathy, PeteJ! Would it help if you could set up a family activity to start each morning? Then they do their schoolwork? Maybe coming together as a family first would make her feel more secure and also gives them that sense of school routine.

Original poster
PeteJ · 06/01/2021 13:19

Thank you for some helpful comments. Never been here before but glad l posted for advice. So l will try setting a slightly later bedtime and and a later get up time. See how that compromise goes. Went out to shopping and bought croissants to make for breakfast tomorrow to make a nice start to the day and see how that all works outSmile

OP posts:
Original poster
PeteJ · 06/01/2021 13:21

I really share your pain. In the last full lockdown none of my children seemed to do anything it was really stressful. I hope he is ok and you can work out a system that works for him.

OP posts:
NovemberR · 06/01/2021 13:25

Thanks, Pete. Hope it works out for you!

He couldn't cope with last lockdown. Quickly felt swamped and overwhelmed with school work so gave up. Stopped doing anything. That has made this last term so hard, and he's so far behind and now lockdown again and they've just announced no exams.

He's just given up and decided there's no point doing anything now - his teachers will just give him a shit grade because he's miles behind.

harknesswitch · 06/01/2021 13:34

My teenager has to log in for her first lesson at 8.45, so it's bedtime and wake up routine as usual

delilahbucket · 06/01/2021 13:52

DS is 12 and we've kept the same routine. Granted both me and dp are still going out to work. He has to be logged on to Teams for every school lesson so he doesn't have a choice. I go home at lunch time as I work just up the road and then we go for a 20 minute walk so he isn't just sat in the house all day.
I really think a routine is important and I would not be letting DS lounge around in bed. It's a very bad habit to get into.

Original poster
PeteJ · 06/01/2021 14:06

I wish my children's school had first thing log in 😡

OP posts:
yellowmaoampinball · 06/01/2021 14:31

Sounds like a good plan there Pete, compromise and a bit of bribery. Fingers crossed it works for you.

FifteenToes · 06/01/2021 22:40

The crapness of some schools can really be a problem. My daughter's school was all over the place last time although they seem to have got their act together a bit better this time and she has a full school day's work to do.

I'm also a single dad. Call me old fashioned, but I believe in establising and, where necessary, enforcing routine for children. I have to get up in the morning and either work, or look after my kids. Why should I support them to lie around in bed? So they can get a false idea that that's all they have to do in life?

By all means negotiate a later getting up time. (That's what we've done). But there should still be one, IMO.

Andi2020 · 06/01/2021 23:10

Fingers crossed for a better day tomorrow for you.
Does she do any school work if you leave her to it

@delilahbucket your school seems well organized why can't they all do this.

Rollergirl11 · 07/01/2021 19:34

My two have their full timetable delivered on Teams and not joining the calls isn’t an option. The register is taken in every lesson and there are calls home if they are repeatedly absent. They are able to have an extra hour in bed as they don’t have to travel in to school but they are still up by 8.30 at latest. Have negotiated slightly later bed time for younger one (older one self regulates) and he knows that once home schooling is finished he can spend the rest of his time as he chooses (the Xbox).

Agree that it’s very challenging but deffo best to try and stick to some kind of a routine. That way everyone knows where they stand. They still need boundaries but just try and come to a reasonable compromise.

Rollergirl11 · 07/01/2021 19:43

Does your DD eat breakfast? Could you wake her with her breakfast of choice in bed? Also perhaps agree on an appropriate reward at the end of the week if she gets up in the mornings without hassle? Perhaps weekend takeaway that she gets to choose or something similar?

Constanttaxiservice · 10/01/2021 23:40

Could you contact the school and say you are worried about your daughter and ask what they suggest. It may be if they make contact with her that she will be more motivated?

AlwaysLatte · 11/01/2021 00:23

We have a rule of being up and dressed etc ready for school just as on a normal day if they were going in. No phones/iPad/Xboxes/Playstations until end of the day (phone ok at break/lunchtime).
Also if they're up early enough they can have a hot breakfast - youngest likes dippy eggs and the oldest likes waffles. They usually set their alarms for 6.30 weekdays as they like to watch Simpson's with their breakfast before starting work.

Anoisagusaris · 11/01/2021 00:30

I personally think it’s mental making teens get up at 6.30am for no reason whatsoever apart from the fact that that’s the time they need to be up at when travelling to school. They don’t need to travel, pack school bags etc. If they don’t have to log in at a certain time, what harm is there in letting them sleep until 8.30 and staring school work at 9.30? Or up at 9, work at 10am? Or whatever times work for them. But making kids get so early, especially up in the dark, when it’s not needed makes no sense.

Rollergirl11 · 11/01/2021 08:59

@AlwaysLatte that’s totally nuts, verging on being almost cruel. Do you make them put on their school uniforms too?! HmmConfused So your children are getting up 2 1/2 hours before they have to start school for no good reason? Wow.

AlwaysLatte · 11/01/2021 09:01

@Rollergirl11 their choice of get up time, not ours! They've always liked to get up early!