Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Pre-teen refusing to go to school on Tues

34 replies

annie335 · 03/01/2021 06:54

She only needs to go in one day as DH and I are at work (critical workers). She's had a massive meltdown and says no other kids from her year are going in. How do you deal with these situations? She's adamant that she's not going in!

OP posts:
Bickertown · 03/01/2021 06:56

Can she stay at home by herself?

Orchidflower1 · 03/01/2021 07:01

Are you talking 12 nearly 13 or 11?

itsgettingweird · 03/01/2021 07:04

Is she under 13? If so you can form a childcare bubble. Is there someone she could go to instead who would be willing to be the constant childcare support?

Yafilthyanimal · 03/01/2021 07:44

Tell her she IS going in....

Original poster
annie335 · 03/01/2021 07:58

Thanks for the replies. She will be 13 in March but I also have another DC who is 11 so can't leave them on their own. I could ask elderly parent to come to the house but for the sake of one day, I'd prefer them to go in. She's very stubborn atm. I don't want to back down but I find it hard when she's like this.

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 03/01/2021 08:09

@annie335

Thanks for the replies. She will be 13 in March but I also have another DC who is 11 so can't leave them on their own. I could ask elderly parent to come to the house but for the sake of one day, I'd prefer them to go in. She's very stubborn atm. I don't want to back down but I find it hard when she's like this.
Send 11yo and keep her at home?
Original poster
annie335 · 03/01/2021 08:15

itsgettingweird I thought of that but no doubt 11 yr old will start acting up!

OP posts:
climeybarlie · 03/01/2021 08:18

Why can't you leave them both at home. Nearly 13 and 11 year olds together would be fine for a day surely?

loopylou42 · 03/01/2021 08:20

I would be leaving them both at home for the day at that age.

Changeismyname · 03/01/2021 08:22

If you leave them both at home are they self-motivated enough to actually do the work/online classes they will be expected to do without supervision? I would potentially allow it but say that if they don’t show they can be trusted to do their expected school work then next time they will be going into school.

FelicityPike · 03/01/2021 08:23

Leave them both at home.

Coldwinterahead1 · 03/01/2021 08:24

11 is fine to stay home with 13 Yr old.

PotteringAlong · 03/01/2021 08:24

Is she year 9? She doesn’t need to be in school.

halcyondays · 03/01/2021 08:29

Unless they’re likely to try and kill each other let them both stay at home.

E1ffelTower · 03/01/2021 08:39

I’d leave them both home together. I leave my 9 and nearly 12 year old together if I have to.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 03/01/2021 08:41

No way would I send the older one in. If they wont fight I'd leave them both at home that day.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 03/01/2021 08:45

My two are 14 and 10 and have been known to bicker but if they are left alone and it is made clear they must behave and their behaviour will impact on future decisions about leaving them at home they are ok. I would be speaking to the 11 year old and saying they will be allowed to stay at home with their sibling if they can guarantee they will behave, otherwise they go to school alone. I wouldn't penalise the older one for fears the younger one could act up. It's social suicide for an almost teen to be sent to school when it's not mandatory.

Original poster
annie335 · 03/01/2021 09:00

They don't get on well at times and it can get physical. The 11 Yr old lacks motivation and I have to remind her to get things done. I've left them at home for short periods of time and it's been fine but not sure if I could leave them all day.

OP posts:
midnightstar66 · 03/01/2021 09:02

I wouldn't send her, if you don't think you can leave both alone then 11 year old will just have to suck it up. There are up and down sides to being the younger dc

CeeceeBloomingdale · 03/01/2021 09:02

In that case the younger one goes to school and the eldest stays at home alone. If the 11 year old complains then say it's because they lack motivation and can't be trusted not to act up as you've stated above. Definitely don't penalise the eldest.

Spied · 03/01/2021 09:11

They both sound quite .erm...spiritedHmm.
Not a chance I'd be leaving them at home. In I'd be talking to them today and telling them what's happening tomorrow. I couldn't go to work and do my job worrying about them fighting left at home.

namechangefail2020 · 03/01/2021 09:19

I feel sorry for her, shes probably scared knowing that adults don't have to go to work if they can't work at home but she has to go and mix with people, it must seem so unfair

itsgettingweird · 03/01/2021 09:21

Leave them with strict instructions. If they break your trust then in future they go in.

Dangle the carrot!

Original poster
annie335 · 03/01/2021 09:27

She's not scared. If any of her friends were going in too she'd be fine.

OP posts:
ThatWindowNeedsAClean · 03/01/2021 09:27

Won't this set a precedent that when she doesn't want to go into school she won't and you will okay her being home?

I would sit them both down and tell them as they cannot be trusted to act mature and not argue or physically fight they have no choice but to go into school. If they can demonstrate that they can control their outbursts then in future you can consider leaving them alone together.

I would also remind them they are both above the age of criminal responsibility and just because they are siblings does not mean they can assault one another. I would ask them to consider what would happen in school if they laid their hands on another pupil. Why do they think it is acceptable to do it to each other? How would they feel if their Dad did that to you?