Pre-teen refusing to go to school on Tues

[annie335]

She only needs to go in one day as DH and I are at work (critical workers). She's had a massive meltdown and says no other kids from her year are going in. How do you deal with these situations? She's adamant that she's not going in!

Thank you. Yes, you are right and I do need to have that conversation with them. I want to give them trust and responsibility but also wasn't sure if legally they can be left alone at that age for 6 hrs..

Of course they can, there’s no legal age and loads of nearly 13 year olds would spend a day at home alone during the summer holidays.That’s why the other kids in her year aren’t going in. If you send one to school, it should be the 11 year old.

I wouldn't leave my just turned 11 year old all day - maybe in later parts of her 11th year though so it really depends. From what your said though you'd be too worried so send her. It's definitely not illegal to leave either but nearly 13 should definitely be ok. I'd say leaving them both is also a bigger issue but alone she'll be fine. Who cares if your 11 year old complains. When she's 13 she can stay too

She's a child, tell her she is going in, if she still moans, take her phone away.

In that case I’d send the younger one in and older stays at home. No way would I have left my two home alone all day at that age - they were ok for a couple of hours but not all day. There would’ve been ructions.

So what happened OP?

This sounds like a really difficult situation. I'm sorry that on top of having to work you are having to deal with complications with regards to childcare.
I totally get where your daughter is coming from. I have teenagers myself and know how stubborn/sensitive they can be.
part of the difficulty from your daughters perspective could be that by attending school she could be seen as a vulnerable child. As an adult we might think "what's the problem with that?' but as a teen, image is everything, and being considered vulnerable might not be something your daughter feels comfortable with. We know it's because you guys are key workers AKA heroes, but she might not feel she has the energy to express this to anyone who challenges her being at school. It could also be that she is genuinely scared of there not being any of her friends in school.
I would suggest a couple of things:

1. Bribery- if I know teens like I think I do this is usually a good one. Is there something she wants that is within the realms of possibility that she could be awarded for school attendance?
2. Negotiation-Genuinely ilsten to all of her concerns about going to school, empathise with her. Ask her if there is anything you can do to help reduce her anxieties. Express your own anxieties in a measured way and ask her to help with coming to a conclusion about how you will move forward.
3. 11 and 13 are really quite different. Could you say to the 11 year old they have to go in and the 13 year old can stay home? Explain that the 13 year old has very strict conditions to staying home and that if you are faced with the same issue when your 11 year old is 13 they will be able to stay home too?

I really hope this is helpful

Bribe her with a takeaway that evening or something nice like that