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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Help please 16 year old won't go home!

33 replies

Clariana · 14/12/2020 21:43

Hello, please can I have some advice? My DD's friend "Emma" has been at our house now for 6 days. Emma is just 16. Emma refuses to go home as she says she is not wanted there and that her Dad has told her not to come back. Emma ended up at our house because she was walking around the streets in the middle of the night and was picked up by the police. Emma asked them to bring her here, so they did.

Emma's parents won't speak to me, but send messages to Emma, not asking her to go home, but telling her things like they hope she is happy with her new life! I have contacted social services, who have said they have no power to intervene as Emma is 16!

Now obviously I don't want Emma to be homeless and in danger, but equally I don't feel she is my responsibility. I have spoken to her at length about returning home, but she won't entertain the idea.

Can anyone suggest somewhere I can go to get some help please?

OP posts:
Smallsteps88 · 14/12/2020 21:45

I think she’ll have to apply to the council for housing as a homeless person and apply for benefits. Possibly contact citizens advice bureau?

CodenameVillanelle · 14/12/2020 21:45

Of course they have powers to intervene! They have a joint duty to assess her (with housing). You can call the local housing office in the morning and find out how to refer a homeless under 18. She is entitled to an assessment under the Southwark judgement.

mooncakes · 14/12/2020 21:48

As far as social services are concerned at the moment she is 16 and adequately housed.

If you want her out you’ll have to be very clear that you and her parents have kicked her out and she’s homeless. Make a fuss.

Original poster
Clariana · 14/12/2020 21:50

Thank you both, that is really helpful, I will call the housing department in the morning. I am rather worried about how long that will take though, do they have to do anything within a timescale as it is really quite difficult for us to have her here?

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 14/12/2020 21:52

You can tell them that you won't house her past tomorrow and they will have to find her somewhere to stay, or intervene to get her back home to her parents

YoBeaches · 14/12/2020 21:53

Have you explained to her in the meantime that she can't stay?. Does she have other family - aunties uncles grandparents older siblings? You've not mentioned anything about it, have you asked her?

Original poster
Clariana · 14/12/2020 21:57

@YoBeaches

Yes, she has other family, but not in this country unfortunately, so with Covid it is not possible for her to travel to them at the moment.

I just feel terrible telling her she has to go, but really there is no choice. Why do I feel like the bad person here?

OP posts:
Lotsachocolateplease · 14/12/2020 21:57

Could you contact the school? They would direct you to the safeguarding lead for the school. Or children’s social services - I’m assuming as she’s under 18 she would still come under their care.

BlueJag · 14/12/2020 22:00

Don't talk to the parents. Send a text that she will be going home tomorrow no ifs or buts. It's unacceptable to have parents that just dump their child on somebody's house.
Let Emma know she is going home without excuse tomorrow or make alternative arrangements.

EloiseTheFirst · 14/12/2020 22:01

If a friend of my DDs needed somewhere to stay and she wanted to stay with us, I'd never turn her away.

Poor girl. Let down by her parents and now by you.

BigRedDuck · 14/12/2020 22:03

Straight to the council tomorrow morning. She is 16 and still a minor, social services may not intervene in terms of her family bit they DO have duty to safeguard her. But do not tell them she can stay with you as they will leave her with you as long as possible.

FestiveChristmasLights · 14/12/2020 22:04

@EloiseTheFirst

If a friend of my DDs needed somewhere to stay and she wanted to stay with us, I'd never turn her away.

Poor girl. Let down by her parents and now by you.

But the OP has let her stay, for six days, and is now asking for advice so the girl can safely move on and live elsewhere. If the OP wanted, she could have refused in the first place or so evict her now.
ivfbabymomma1 · 14/12/2020 22:09

It's not your responsibility but I'd let her stay, poor girl! And at Xmas Sad

00100001 · 14/12/2020 22:10

@EloiseTheFirst

If a friend of my DDs needed somewhere to stay and she wanted to stay with us, I'd never turn her away.

Poor girl. Let down by her parents and now by you.

Maybe you can have Emma to stay then.
Original poster
Clariana · 14/12/2020 22:10

@EloiseTheFirst - I know, that's why I feel terrible, it is an awful situation to be in, but what am I expected to do, feed and clothe her until......when?

But thanks for making me feel worse!

OP posts:
00100001 · 14/12/2020 22:10

@ivfbabymomma1

It's not your responsibility but I'd let her stay, poor girl! And at Xmas Sad
Well, there's never going to be a good too.

But why is it OPs responsibility?

CarelessSquid07A · 14/12/2020 22:12

I left home at 16, just needed confirmation that I was homeless (Mum moved abroad so I had nowhere to stay if I didnt go too). Then the council have an obligation to offer housing although its often not great.

There should also be some help for applying for benefits etc.

It may be she's hoping that she can go home if she can stay with you long enough. It's not the best feeling in the world to know you've got nowhere to go.

Sit her down for a chat and explain things to her and then offer some support to get herself sorted of you are able. But you are going to have to officially say she cant stay after x date to get the council involved.

BuzzingTheBee · 14/12/2020 22:13

Oh gawd what a situation!

slipperywhensparticus · 14/12/2020 22:16

I would let her stay till after Christmas it is hard in bedsit land over Christmas bear in mind she will need items so it might take some time to get it sorted

Daydreamsinglorioustechnicolor · 14/12/2020 22:17

If its a money thing, she might be able to claim some benefits in her own right to help towards her keep.
But I agree, its not your responsibility to have to house her. Just wanted to suggest that in case affordability was the main issue.

Original poster
Clariana · 14/12/2020 22:17

@CarelessSquid07A, thank you very helpful link.

OP posts:
DreadingSeason2020sFinale · 14/12/2020 22:17

@EloiseTheFirst

If a friend of my DDs needed somewhere to stay and she wanted to stay with us, I'd never turn her away.

Poor girl. Let down by her parents and now by you.

That's nice. I however, as many other people, wouldn't be able to afford a sudden extra person to completely finance and house.
NancyPickford · 14/12/2020 22:20

She must be made of strong stuff to just flat out refuse to leave your home! I can't imagine a 16-year-old being able to stand up to her friend's mother like that.
However, if nothing is sorted soon, it will be Christmas and New Year and all the relevant offices will (I imagine) be closed.

Pikachubaby · 14/12/2020 22:25

Is she still at school? I once had a poor child dumped on me by the mother, I spoke to the school the next day, who contacted social services, who got the the grandparents involved. The boy was much younger though

If she’s still at school, I’d talk to them and they know the right processes

You are very kind to be looking after her Flowers