Help please 16 year old won't go home!

[Clariana]

Hello, please can I have some advice? My DD's friend "Emma" has been at our house now for 6 days. Emma is just 16. Emma refuses to go home as she says she is not wanted there and that her Dad has told her not to come back. Emma ended up at our house because she was walking around the streets in the middle of the night and was picked up by the police. Emma asked them to bring her here, so they did.

Emma's parents won't speak to me, but send messages to Emma, not asking her to go home, but telling her things like they hope she is happy with her new life! I have contacted social services, who have said they have no power to intervene as Emma is 16!

Now obviously I don't want Emma to be homeless and in danger, but equally I don't feel she is my responsibility. I have spoken to her at length about returning home, but she won't entertain the idea.

Can anyone suggest somewhere I can go to get some help please?

I think you need help and advice from social services and/or her school.

There may be reasons as to why she refuses to go back home that you can’t uncover.

A difficult situation for you.

We looked after one of my son’s gay friends. He would have gone home but parents, big in a religious group, wouldn't have him.

Members of that group get told when they come door knocking. Their script doesn’t cover that sort of stuff.

He stayed with us over Christmas and then went back to uni. Nice decent lad.

At the beginning of Lockdown 1 we had one of DD's friends stay until it was lifted in July, It was not comfortable, we did not have an obligation but I don't think we had a choice. Duty to care ceases at 16 and duty to house only kicks in at 18. If we had made her leave she had no other options b/c she was in danger if she was with her parent in the UK and she could not travel to her other parent who was O/S

In your situation speak to SS - they can advise if not intervene, school pastoral, her parents and other relatives - not just parents. In our case it was an uncle who was in a position to help.

Is she is college or school can they support her at all? They may have a fast track route for vulnerable students or at least the right contacts.

We had a similar situation. Friend of DS's. No contact with mum for years and dad upped and left London leaving her here, aged 17. I knew none of this when she came to stay but realised quickly she had nowhere else to go. I got in touch with the safeguarding team at her school who liaised with social services but ss dumped her as she was out of area. In the end I had to contact her local MP whose office was fantastic and got in touch with Head of Children's Services and she got a placement. She wanted to be with a family but they could only sort a hostel type placement. It was an eye opener as to how social services responded. They actually said to me she was now my problem.m as she was with us for around 10 weeks. While I wanted to help, and did as much as I could, we didn't have room, she was sleeping on a blow up mattress and she also needed professional input for abuse that she revealed had taken place.through her teens. It was only when I said I was making her homeless and contacted the MP that social services stepped in as otherwise they considered her housed, even though they didn't know me from Adam.

If you have the room but not the money, I wonder if there is a way for you to be emergency foster parents and receive money to pay for bed and board?

What does your dd want you to do.
Your own dd is your first priority if she wants her to stay and share her stuff then until you get something permanent sorted I'd go with what your dd wants

@B1rthis

If you have the room but not the money, I wonder if there is a way for you to be emergency foster parents and receive money to pay for bed and board?

You can’t be a paid foster carer unless the child was likely to go into care. It’s pretty rare at this age. She has a family and unless she’s at risk of harm from them she should be there. That’ll take a social worker assessment to see what’s really going on. She could be a 16 year old playing up or she could be fleeing domestic violence and abuse. It’s not clear.

@Clariana I have messaged you privately with my own experience of this for a different perspective- hope you don’t mind.

Could you sit her down and explain that as much as you would line to, you can't actually house her after say Monday and set out what the options would be:

A. Go back to parents
B Travel to go to relatives (pretty sure this is allowed)
C SS find her a room in a hostel or HMO.

Not sure many teen girls would choose Option C if they knew what they are really like.