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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Son goes inside some very unsavoury peoples houses

29 replies

Lee2628 · 13/12/2020 20:57

Hi all a few days ago I posted about my older son drawing out £180 every month his 17 and I haven’t had the gut to ask about it as I shouldn’t of been snooping around but today I recently found out he hangs around with a heroine addict THATS OLDER THEN ME I found this out through a friend now I don’t think he’d be using heroine but how can I stop him going to these peoples houses at 17

OP posts:
Original poster
Lee2628 · 13/12/2020 21:02

The person in question is well known in the area my Daughter was there neighbour for 3 years and she had nothing but trouble

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 13/12/2020 21:06

Could you have added this info to the existing thread, might be relevant to the £180?

Original poster
Lee2628 · 13/12/2020 21:09

I didn’t know I could edit a thread apologies I’ve only recently found this out (like within the hour) am fully shaken with anger and contemplating if u should go to the house in question or not

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 13/12/2020 21:14

@Lee2628

I didn’t know I could edit a thread apologies I’ve only recently found this out (like within the hour) am fully shaken with anger and contemplating if u should go to the house in question or not
I didn't mean add to your opening post on the other thread I meant just a post to update the thread.

No I would not be going round there myself. you could tell him not to go but he's 17 and is working IIRC so you can't ground him or anything. You need to talk to him.

Original poster
Lee2628 · 13/12/2020 21:18

Well I’ve got no clue what to say to him because he probably wouldn’t tell me anything but when I say heroine addicts i mean for lack of better words there full blown smack heads

OP posts:
Original poster
Lee2628 · 13/12/2020 21:26

Would I notice if he uses heroine or crack like obviously I would if he was addicted to them but in the early stages is it possible not to notice?

OP posts:
ReeseWitherfork · 13/12/2020 21:29

How did you find out?
Where does he get the money from?

Hm2020 · 13/12/2020 21:30

I’d say from personal experience it’s very easily hidden when just beginning. I have no more advice as don’t have teens but good luck.

Original poster
Lee2628 · 13/12/2020 21:33

@ReeseWitherfork

How did you find out? Where does he get the money from?
He works
OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 13/12/2020 21:38

@ReeseWitherfork

How did you find out? Where does he get the money from?
In the other thread he works and withdraws £180 in cash every payday.
DontStopThinkingAboutTomorrow · 13/12/2020 21:44

I'd actually be worried on several levels, including county lines and grooming/exploitation, as well as possible use by him.
As he's a minor, SS might be able to give you some advice.

Sorry, OP. I can't imagine how worried you must be.

DontStopThinkingAboutTomorrow · 13/12/2020 21:44

Absolutely do not go to the house, BTW.

HorridHamble · 13/12/2020 21:47

No wonder you are upset. I’ve never been involved with heroin but a couple I know managed to hide their addictions for a long time. The signs for me were asking for loans of money. £30 here, £50 there. And going awol then texting from a new number before another sob story about being in debt that I fell for. One half of this couple is still employed full time, in a decent role. I don’t associate with them any more. I can’t.

I hope you get some good advice here.

anothernc4you · 13/12/2020 22:04

Sorry to hear this. I have no suggestions but I hope you get to the bottom of it and you son isn’t using drugs. Thinking of you x

ReeseWitherfork · 13/12/2020 22:20

Sorry didn't see other thread - that's really tricky that it's his own money. Certainly removes some of the more obvious solutions! Sorry OP, I hope you can get to the bottom of it.

Jenasaurus · 13/12/2020 22:28

There will be clues Op, my DS (now 31) got into a bad crowd and did some drugs although not heroin, it was coke and weed mainly. He has been clean for 12 years and doesnt even smoke normal tobacco or drink alcohol now so try not to worry about this being him for the rest of his life. The things I noticed was that his personality changed, he became aggressive and moody. I also noticed that the weed caused paranoia and his GF alerted me to the mood swings when he moved on to Coke. It is a hard road to travel but if you think he may be into something like this its important to talk to him. He will probably deny it at first but keep communicating with him and he will open up hopefully. It may not be the case that he is doing drugs himself but it is something you should watch closely. Money being unaccounted for, is another clear sign. Good luck Op, hope it turns out he isnt in that scene at all.

Jenasaurus · 13/12/2020 22:30

@DontStopThinkingAboutTomorrow

Absolutely do not go to the house, BTW.
I second that, the people that do these sort of drugs are not reasonable level headed people that you can reason with. They could be aggressive or violent towards you.
Original poster
Lee2628 · 13/12/2020 23:14

@Jenasaurus

There will be clues Op, my DS (now 31) got into a bad crowd and did some drugs although not heroin, it was coke and weed mainly. He has been clean for 12 years and doesnt even smoke normal tobacco or drink alcohol now so try not to worry about this being him for the rest of his life. The things I noticed was that his personality changed, he became aggressive and moody. I also noticed that the weed caused paranoia and his GF alerted me to the mood swings when he moved on to Coke. It is a hard road to travel but if you think he may be into something like this its important to talk to him. He will probably deny it at first but keep communicating with him and he will open up hopefully. It may not be the case that he is doing drugs himself but it is something you should watch closely. Money being unaccounted for, is another clear sign. Good luck Op, hope it turns out he isnt in that scene at all.
I said in the previous form I’d kick him out if drugs were involved honestly wouldn’t really have an issue if he smoked a bit of weed I’d rather he do that then drink to be honnest but it’s £180 a month that can buy a large quantity of anything and he has nothing to show for it
OP posts:
Poorlykitten · 13/12/2020 23:19

It’s easy to hide it in the beginning and there is such a thing as a functioning heroine addict. I used to know one who held down a perfectly respectable job and just took it at weekends (smoked it initially) for years until it took over. I think you need to have a proper sit down with your son and find out what’s going on.

PurpleFrames · 13/12/2020 23:29

*heroin

You can't buy a lot for £180

"Smack head" is offensive.
Addiction is not a choice and does not discriminate.

Lucyccfc68 · 21/12/2020 17:12

@PurpleFrames Smackhead is a description for someone who ‘chooses’ to do heroin. No one starts addicted, they choose to take heroin and any other drug of choice.

lazymum99 · 22/12/2020 09:07

[quote Lucyccfc68]@PurpleFrames Smackhead is a description for someone who ‘chooses’ to do heroin. No one starts addicted, they choose to take heroin and any other drug of choice.[/quote]
Very very insulting and total ignorance of the reason people end up as addicts. So, no support from you if any of your close family or friends end up as addicts.

Lucyccfc68 · 22/12/2020 09:42

@lazymum99 oh yes, plenty of support but always an excuse for the behaviour that impacted on everyone else. Guilt tripping everyone with the ‘it’s an illness’ line.

Porcupineinwaiting · 22/12/2020 12:20

@PurpleFrames heroin addiction is a common outcome from taking heroin- which is a choice.

The "it's an illness" line is also spectacularly unhelpful to addicts. There is good evidence to show that those who believe they can make choices about their addiction (rather than just being passive victims of it) have a far better recovery rate.

PurpleFrames · 22/12/2020 12:47

This way of thinking is merely demonstrative of your place of immense privilege. I recommend the Hooked podcast on BBC sounds to learn more about the realities of addiction.