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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

How to deal with teenage entitlement?

83 replies

LDreads · 07/12/2020 21:35

I have a 13YO daughter, she has in this last year become lazy, rude and extremely entitled. She is spoilt by other family members and I’ve attempted to have conversations with them about how this makes it very hard for me when she’s at home, mostly because she has no incentive to ‘work’ (each day she must do 1 chore, keep her room tidy and all homework to have her phone and an allowance of £25 per month that I pay directly into her bank, she stays at Dads twice a week and also receives £10 per week for chores done, although I think this is too much for a couple chores!) because she does not want for anything. We are arguing every single day she’s here (goes to Dads 2x a week). I am going to have another conversation with Dad to see if we can really get on the same page, I know teenagers are a pain in the butt but the one thing I can’t cope with is the sense of entitlement! I’ve always said she should get a Saturday job when she’s 13 to earn her own money and she’s always thought it was a great idea. I found her a job in a small local cafe. She now tells me that none of her friends work and it’s so embarrassing that she would have to work in a cafe and not go out with her friends. I asked her how she is going to afford to go out all the time with the allowance she gets and she said she didn’t care about the money she has everything she wants Confused. I lost my head and said that she should be so lucky to be given an opportunity to earn something for herself, and how dare she think that she’s above working in a cafe. She also tells me her friends are never made to do any chores. My response is always the same, I’m not your friends Mum I’m your mum and this is how we do it in our house.
I’m not the calmest of people in the best of times and having a teenager is teaching me that picking your battles is always wise. But I’m at a loose end, even with chores it takes me longer to nag her to do them than if I just did the chore myself. She has 2 younger sisters and always seems to think they’ve got it easier than her (hard done by attitude) I often remind her she didn’t even tidy her own bedroom until her first sister was born. Since her sisters came along, she’s always done chores, always had an amazing work ethic and been happy to get stuck in and get stuff done. In our house the general rule is, if something needs doing and your not doing anything - then get it done as we’re a large family and we work long hours.

The sense of entitlement has only been around since being in secondary school and her comparing herself to friends who apparently are extremely spoilt always have money given to them and never do chores.

So please mums of the net, tell me how you dealt with your entitled teenager and what did and didn’t work!?
(in other words PLEASE HELP ME!!!) Blush

OP posts:
LDreads · 11/12/2020 10:05

If you’d come and do all of mine gladly! I loathe cleaning 😂

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 11/12/2020 10:11

Quite frankly I think having to get a Saturday job at 13 is ridiculous. A few chores round the house yes.

firesong · 11/12/2020 19:48

£65 a month is quite a lot at her age, I think. I had a paper round (shared with friend) paying me £7 per week. Pocket money from parents, I'm not sure! Def not a lot!

Gandalf456 · 12/12/2020 00:45

I feel a four Yorkshiremen sketch coming on.Grin I hear myself in this every day:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=VKHFZBUTA4k&t=64s

Unicant · 12/12/2020 00:48

I think 13 is very young to expect her to get a job. She also doesn't sound that entitled just like a normal 13 year old.

Eyewhisker · 12/12/2020 08:35

OP - great update. The most successful people I know put the focus on schooling. Getting top grades and into a top university gives them an enormous advantage. You can also have a good work ethic studying

Aerial2020 · 12/12/2020 08:46

That's a great update Smile

Chav07 · 06/02/2021 06:33

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