How do you deal with a teenager who hates PE

[MadauntofA]

I really get it, I hated running around a field in big knickers when I was a teenager and being picked last, but I ended up in an argument with DD this morning as she was refusing to go to school as she has PE today. She did go in the end, but was begging for a note (which I didn't give.) She isn't particularly sporty, but she has never had a problem before, and she tells me it isn't the sports side necessarily. She isn't overweight, and although has the usual body consciousness, tends to go in with her skin underneath her blouse, so it isn't the changing aspect. She hates the fact that none of her friends are in her PE class, so when they are told to group or pair up, she is always left out. She struggles socially and takes a while to be friendly with people, so imagine that she would be easily ignored by people she doesn't get on with.
Any pearls of wisdom? She does some activities out of school, but much prefers solo type sports, or happily goes with my other DD. I just want some ideas to stop the weekly whinges/ arguments! I don't want to give in about the note as I can imagine with her it will turn into a "you gave me a note last time" argument.

How old is she?

15

I don't think school pe necessarily instills a love of sport and encouragement to continue into adult life in some teenagers, especially girls. I think if there was a bit more variety - maybe some aerobics type classes, yoga etc, it might encourage those not good at team type sports. Athletics is ok, but other than running, are there any adult type athletics?! That is a side note though!!!

I'd ignore and just tell her to get on with it, but I'd imagine I'm in the scant minority. You'll have loads of responses telling you to write her a note and that she'll be damaged for life.

Having said that I agree a wider selection of sports would be good but we have to be realistic about what state school PE teachers can offer.

I would say same as above. Very few kids like sports I think! Maybe speak to the school and ask if there are any plans for alternative activities in PE time.

If the teacher is nice perhaps you could email them and let them know she's struggling?

At my school we did yoga for a whole term it was great, although a very farty room

We had different modules and learnt different exercises. Wonder why your daughters school isn’t taking the same approach...

I have a 14 year old PE hater. I ignore requests for notes etc. It's a school subject and I wouldn't give her a note to dodge any of the others so I don't do it for PE.
I hated PE too but I was a very shy, slightly overweight teen. Dd doesn't have those issues and she often ends up quite enjoying PE once she's there. Sometimes it's just the thought of it puts her off.

Did you send an isolation note in? that should state the date.

Mine is the same and some bright spark put him down for gcse pe at school during lock down.
He forgets his pe kit or just turns up late.

I used to just forge notes.

how did that happen. Wrong thread.

Yoga is good but teens tend to injure themselves a lot doing it! Also it doesn't get your heart rate up.

She probably has to do it, but god yes! The hideous awkwardness, the navy gym knickers. I feel her pain.

@canigooutyet

Mine is the same and some bright spark put him down for gcse pe at school during lock down. He forgets his pe kit or just turns up late.

I used to just forge notes.

He's missing gcse PE??

It’s a bit of a life lesson I’m afraid, we all have to do things we don’t like. She needs to just get in with it. Sounds harsh I know but she’s 15, it’s not forever - just twice a week I’m guessing.
I hated sport/PE at school - we did a variety of different sport but I never found anything I liked and I hate sport now. Although I understand exercise Is important and I try to stay fit by walking.
I think you did the right thing by not giving her a note.

I don't want to give in re the note, but like all teens she is pretty persistent!! I emailed the school last year when they moved all the classes around and she was so miserable because none of her friends were in her form or gcse classes, but they basically said she needs to put up with it, so I don't imagine they will have a different response. I do also think that putting her in new social groups will help her in the long run, but when you have a girl who previously loved school tell you that she hates it on a regular basis, it is pretty disheartening. Maybe her dramatic teenage side is only just starting to show!!
I do understand that there is a limit to pe classes, but it does seem to be overly focused on team sports, and it can't be that hard doing an occasional alternative sport to mix it up a bit.
I think I'll just have to be more persistent than her.

Maybe her dramatic teenage side is only just starting to show!!

I think at 15 their peer group is everything. I had dd14 in tears yesterday because she'd been moved into a different drama group with girls she doesn't like. I felt for her but I am absolutely not going to say anything to the school so either she does or she just lumps it.

So you could just say that you will not speak to the school or write a note. If she is unhappy she needs to speak to a teacher about it.

Have you had a conversation with her why she doesn’t like it and what’s troubling her so much? I was much like your daughter when I was at school and it was definitely the way school dealt with PE. It was never fun, always really competitive and most importantly very humiliating. Sometimes it was downright dangerous, I got detention for a week when I refused to go on a trampoline and jump over a horsebox with very flat safety mats at the other side after a girl fell before me and twisted her neck. I always found it weird how PE wasn’t separated in sets like every other lesson is. For example people really struggled at maths nobody dare tease them as the teachers would come down on you heavily but certainly at my school the PE teachers would just ignore it.

Obviously your not going to change how the school works at this stage but if anything does come up with your daughter perhaps a word with the school wouldn’t be much of an overstep. I’m 26 now and only just started to find some fun in exercising, it really can have an impact.

I agree her friends are everything! Last year she spoke to her form teacher about possibly moving forms, and her teacher told her to get me to email in to the head of year which is why I did it. I won't email about this, but yes will tell her so speak up if it is a problem for her.
I remember many of my friends forging notes about PE. DD did actually write a hilarious note for me to sign with a lot of detail about her underarm shaving injury meaning shooting netballs is out of the question, but I know she is too much of a rule follower to forge one!

PE was very much a humiliating lesson for me too, and it took many years to get interested in sports as an adult. I think it is very much the standing on her own not being chosen as part of a group, and having no one to chat to when waiting your turn etc that is the issue for her though.

I think it is very much the standing on her own not being chosen as part of a group, and having no one to chat to when waiting your turn etc that is the issue for her though

I'm a big supporter of PE and even I think that sounds miserable. The PE teacher should choose, or, as was done in my dds drama group, put groups together by alphabetical surname!

My ds hated school PE, he just did the absolute minimum to get by. He played squash and badminton and avoided football, rugby etc so worth finding out if they do different things as they swapped around half termly. Other than that, at one point ds started to really avoid PE so school allowed him to work with the librarian on different projects, with the theory they didn't mind him not doing PE but he had to be doing something constructive in that time, which at her age school may be open to.

Ah that’s hard by that age. Ds 15 didn’t have to do it for GSCE. (All sciences instead)

He was very happy about it, still does his own exercise though and cares about it.

Not sure you can give a note every time so once doesn’t help that much

@MadauntofA going against the grain here but actually I would allow her to have a mildly sprained ankle and give her a note to excuse her. What is she gaining here? What is she losing? To me the balance is awful and the comment you made about her funny note and her following rules made me think she seems a lovely girl who has been well brought up and is now trusting you to help her out of a really difficult situation that is making her feel unhappy.
I supported my children in similar ways but explained that actions have consequences so she may get writing to do or extra reading etc But honestly- if you were so unhappy at work doing a specific task I’m sure you’d find a way of not doing it... I certainly wouldn’t!!