How do you deal with a teenager who hates PE

[MadauntofA]

I really get it, I hated running around a field in big knickers when I was a teenager and being picked last, but I ended up in an argument with DD this morning as she was refusing to go to school as she has PE today. She did go in the end, but was begging for a note (which I didn't give.) She isn't particularly sporty, but she has never had a problem before, and she tells me it isn't the sports side necessarily. She isn't overweight, and although has the usual body consciousness, tends to go in with her skin underneath her blouse, so it isn't the changing aspect. She hates the fact that none of her friends are in her PE class, so when they are told to group or pair up, she is always left out. She struggles socially and takes a while to be friendly with people, so imagine that she would be easily ignored by people she doesn't get on with.
Any pearls of wisdom? She does some activities out of school, but much prefers solo type sports, or happily goes with my other DD. I just want some ideas to stop the weekly whinges/ arguments! I don't want to give in about the note as I can imagine with her it will turn into a "you gave me a note last time" argument.

She came home and actually had enjoyed the lesson - her teacher had split them up into groups and they played tag rugby so spent the lesson piling on each other!! We had a chat and the issue definitely is the social side rather than pe itself, so that is something I need to work on with her. Having been a socially awkward teen, I can remember it well, but when it doesn't come naturally and at that self conscious age, it is hard. Thanks all for your input - MN is fab for advice when you feel a bit rubbish as a parent!!

As she enjoyed that lesson - then how about sending an email to the teacher thanking them and telling them how much better that lesson had been. And explain some of how your DD is feeling, not having friends in the class, feeling left out socially and really struggling.

My DD's school tended to give more choice, and more chance of "fun PE by years 10 and 11. For my youngest they put them into 4 groups: 1 for those also doing PE GCSE, 1 for the other "sporty ones", and two for the less sporty - 1 based on fitness for health (so lots of Yoga, Aerobics, and dance), and the other did sport but more for fun. My DD was actually in the Yoga one, but swapped to the more sporty one and enjoyed it.

Praising teachers is always gratefully received, and is a positive way to let them know your DD is having problems. (It is unlikely that the teacher is a total sadist, whatever a teenager might think.)

Glad the lesson went well this week. On another note, has she got all the right kit? My dd is always happier with leggings under her PE skort.

Molly Button that is a great post. As a retired teacher I would have really appreciated that type of feedback. I hated PE in school and was about to post that I would give her a note as long as she was exercising outside of school, but then I got to your update. I am pleased that she enjoyed her lesson and I think Molly Button's idea is inspired.

I was thinking of emailing the teacher, and that's a good idea about praising rather than starting with a problem!
Yes she does have all the kit because I am constantly on at her to bring it home before she loses it! She doesn't mind it because it is shorts under a skirt, and she wears her skin under her blouse so she doesn't have to reveal much when changing.

What do you mean 'wears her skin '?

@MadauntofA

I don't want to give in re the note, but like all teens she is pretty persistent!! I emailed the school last year when they moved all the classes around and she was so miserable because none of her friends were in her form or gcse classes, but they basically said she needs to put up with it, so I don't imagine they will have a different response. I do also think that putting her in new social groups will help her in the long run, but when you have a girl who previously loved school tell you that she hates it on a regular basis, it is pretty disheartening. Maybe her dramatic teenage side is only just starting to show!! I do understand that there is a limit to pe classes, but it does seem to be overly focused on team sports, and it can't be that hard doing an occasional alternative sport to mix it up a bit. I think I'll just have to be more persistent than her.

I think this sounds like more is going on than just PE dislike. You mention problems with friends. I imagine these issues are worse or heightened during PE lessons where the opportunity to leave others out/ bully is much higher than in a class .

Pe classes are often very difficult to negotiate if you have social diffiffulties. My ASD son has not done PE since year 8 ( he is year 11 now) because if this . Whilst I am not saying your daughter has any SEN, the principle of PE being a difficult lesson to navigate socially remains the same.

Her base layer which goes under the polo shirt to keep her warm.

Sorry just saw your last post. Glad that you are talking about it . Hope it gets resolved

She definitely has social difficulties- took her 3 years to find her "tribe" who seem very similar to her. She doesn't have the other aspects of ASD though. I can see a lot of me in her, and I definitely had to learn social skills - didn't come naturally to me.

@asifiwould

Molly Button that is a great post. As a retired teacher I would have really appreciated that type of feedback. I hated PE in school and was about to post that I would give her a note as long as she was exercising outside of school, but then I got to your update. I am pleased that she enjoyed her lesson and I think Molly Button's idea is inspired.

Agreed!

V thoughtful post - and the range of PE choices sounds like my DC school. Yoga or football or gym for one term and one time boys and girls playing benchball went down v well with my dd who didn't like team sports.

Hi, my DD (now 16) used to hate pe at school because she wasn’t with any of her friends. I didn’t go through school refusing or note requests (except for the odd occasion when she was ill) but certainly got an earful from her every time she had pe. However, what we found helped was her finding people she had other classes with and talking to them about school work or homework just so that she had someone to talk to and it made her feel a bit less left out. Maybe you could suggest this with your daughter?

That's a good suggestion - she needs ways in to conversation with her non- friends generally do we have been chatting a bit about this

I think it is very much the standing on her own not being chosen as part of a group, and having no one to chat to when waiting your turn etc that is the issue for her though

This is a huge problem caused by laziness on the part of the PE teacher and possibly lack of forethought on the part of the school administration, and it needs to be addressed.

PE is about wellness in general, not just accurate throwing, catching, sprinting speed, etc. Wellness is about the whole student.

The teacher should group the students alphabetically or by birthday date (odd/even, before 15th/after 15th of the month, etc) when pairs or groups are formed, and should never just allow them to choose groups themselves, or stay in their social comfort zones. It is shocking that in this day and age a teacher allows students to pick teams or to choose their own groups.

The brutal 'form your own groups/pair up' approach facilitates the sort of bullying that teen girls are so good at - exclusion and snubbing - and encourages a dynamic where queen bees rule the school.

If they have chosen to use changes to the makeup of the classes as a way of discouraging the formation of cliques without a well-thought out whole-school inclusiveness policy and guidelines for all the teachers, then they have let down all but the most socially gifted students.

I would be very concerned about this social environment. The pastoral care aspect sucks, quite frankly. It's not ok to make students face a daily sink or swim struggle.

My DD is 14 and hates sports. She does dance and the occassional youtube workout but I worry about how inactive she would be given half the chance.
I hated most pe and my mum was v unfit but she would never have written me a note