19 year old Dd

[stillananxiousmum]

So I have name changed for this . My daughter has deferred college due to covid which is fine . Back story she has suffered on and off with anxiety and mild depression over the secondary school years. She does not have many friends from school but a few through her hobby. I said she needed to find a job of taking a year out which she agreed too and she started in a large retailer this week. My heart is breaking for her as she is miserable. She has been introduced to no one and her supervisor yelled at her yesterday.

Her hours will be a bit antisocial too. She loves routine and there is no routine now .
I have asked her to see the trial period through just so as she can be proud to stick it out plus it's early days .
But equally I don't want to see her In depression again. She had another parttime job she loved but it's awkward to get too and not on at moment due to lockdown plus pay was atrocious.

I thought at this stage of parenting I would be done worrying !

Ah, you never get to stop worrying, sadly!

Try to encourage her to stick it out and it will get better. Perhaps give her small talk/conversation opener tips to help her chat to her colleagues?

My DD also suffers from anxiety, severe depression and PTSD but has come on in leaps and bounds since getting her first job. To start, she had panic attacks and all sorts, but turned a corner after a month or so and now loves it. She’s made new friends through work and got a kind of social life (such as it is these days). Last week she started a 2nd job.

It does get better.

Oh and unsociable hours! I get you. She’s has to start one job at at 0630 now. Her other job finishes at 11pm. No public transport around here so parent-taxi service only.
However, it’s another way to bond with new colleagues, I guess.

Is there something she wants to save up for? This is good motivation.

@PlatinumBrunette thank you for your kind word. It's so hard as you don't want to seem unsupported I just worry she will end up doing nothing . But least she good and doesn't cause hassle at home

Likewise! I’m fairly sure my 19 year old needs me more now than she did as a kiddy.

My tips - Keep laughing together, try not to look to the far future too much as they’ll get there in the end. Some may be slower to find their way than others. They all find their way though. This job is simply a stepping stone and a good sentence on a CV.

Yes she has hobbies that she needs money for . Thankfully we get on well and I'm taxi too as her driving came to a halt with covid . I'm praying she be a bit happier after today .

We all been there on first week disasters in jobs but had to see it through

Sounds like you are a great mum @PlatinumBrunette

Thank you for saying that @stillananxiousmum ❤️ You are too.
I’m off to get mine from job 1 in a moment, then a few chores before taking her to job 2 in 4 hours.

So much for getting our lives back! 😂

And I will be dropping mine off soon and back to work myself then for a few hours . She texted me that she has been sick . She knows it anxieties . Don't feel too great myself . Fingers crossed she feel better after a few more shifts . Thanks for support . Will keep you updated

Going against the grain here, but she suffers from anxiety and is working with a supervisor who yells at her with no contact or interaction with anyone else. I wouldn't be encouraging her to stay, I would encourage her to look for other work and not put up with being treated badly (easier said than done at the moment, I know).

@Alexandernevermind not going against the grain at all . Waiting to see how she is this eve now . I was kind of hoping the yelling is more an impatient words iykwim but will be able to suss her better this eve I hope . I'm really hoping she has a better day but yeah you right no point in her being miserable. End of the day though I am hoping it's better and she can deal with it just so she might gain some confidence to see it through for a while .

She had a melt down with mocks and I honestly thought she would not go sit the remainder but she did even though she went in after a night of tears and she was so proud after she did . It's so hard to know what to advise them as parents .

@stillananxiousmum try and encourage her to stick at it.
Don't ask too many questions say how was your day if she says ok just leave it there cause everytime she has a bad day at something she will want you to fix it and give up too easy.
Hope you both ok x

@Andi2020 it was a bit better . And that's good advice thank you .She is not her usual happy self though but coping and ate some dinner and chatting about other stuff . She has 3 late shifts coming up over the weekend so we see how that goes .I have decided I will go with flow and personally try not to worry too much. I have enough stress with my own work right now and I'm here if she needs to talk or advice .

@Wearywithteens also great advice thank you . Will let the weekend flow and see what transpires. Luckily she is not dependent on money and has her casual work when they reopen if she wants it . I just want my kid to be happy

Things no better today . She didn't sleep last night and is just joyless today . She is not working until 5 today and I know she will be thinking all day. I am trying to not interfere let her decide her own way but I'm worrying and I can't help it . Just typing here so I can release a bit of my stress

Gosh it's really difficult for young people right now and anxiety/depression makes it a lot worse. All you can do is get her to hang on in there and be there when she needs you. Not sure when the worrying will stop.

We're in a similar situation though my DD has been on ADs for most of the year. She's taking a year out before university and has a couple of part time jobs but feels that she's treated differently to the others who are on full time contracts (maybe it's always been that way). She was so anxious on the first day at one of the jobs that she fainted!

I've found that when she's busy things are ok. Also getting exercise helps with her mood too. Can you plan something with you DD for the weekend? Maybe a walk if we have any autumn sun?

@WhatHaveIFound it helps in a way to know we are not alone . I regret pushing her to find another job although tbf she got on with herself.

Well she would normally be up and out now walking her dog as she does that everyday but she is I know in the bed . My head is fried . Hate seeing her so joyless

And sorry you in the same boat too . Her college will be local so she can drive there.

I have a daughter the same age , we never stop worrying do we ! If she isn't going b go work til 5 she probably just feels like a lie in today. Hopefully the longer she is there the more people she will meet , and have a chat with .

Well she said she is going in anyway but she has not eaten anything since 7 pm yesterday. She will try a meal at 4 pm . I actually caved and told her you know you don't have to go . You can phone them or drop in and say it's not for you . ( she does other work so I know it's not that she won't work ) . Thank them for the opportunity etc . But think she too embarrassed. So maybe she do the next few nights and we san reassess but she knows I will support her if she wants to not do it .

How do you even resign after a week ? Yikes

Are her mental health issues being treated?

If she's dependant on you for a lift, she has a potential get out to say that the travel to and from work is not working out.
It does take a while sometimes to settle into a new job. But equally, if she has another job, she could chalk this up to experience, realise sometimes things aren't right for you and to walk away. It's such a short period of time she won't need to bother adding it to a CV.

How do you even resign after a week?

Lie and say she (or you) has tested positive for COVID and has to self isolate. And that she understands that they will not be able to keep the position open for her.

@Ohalrightthen she had some therapy few years back and again around her mocks so she coped ok after that . She has been great up to starting work and even went in happy in herself. Suppose it's just a big change for her now . Anyway I think she will know herself after tonight and the next few nights if she will manage or not and can make a proper decision then what to do . She knows I will support her one way or other .

@Beamur I spoke to a friend about it today . He said exactly what you said . I was surprised and hesitant to tell him tbh because he can think youngsters are flaky but he made such good points it made me feel more positive

@TopCatlivedinadustbin I think she will probably just say thanks for opportunity but I realise it's not right for me . I suppose I was wondering more can you give notice or just leave on the day . It's one of the big retailers so I know this is common enough