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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teen won't lockdown - anyone else?

39 replies

TheLookOfLove · 05/11/2020 16:39

My 16 year old refuses to stop going out and seeing friends.

I'm a single parent,he's much bigger than I am. He's quite aggressive and always on " a short fuse" . ( for which we have had intervention in the past, but that's another story). He intimidates me and I tend to walk on eggshells at the best of times.

Aside from him paying the fine if hes picked up,what on earth can I do? I'm hoping that none of his friends will be allowed out so that will sort it, but I feel useless in that if he decides hes going,he just will.

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 05/11/2020 16:42

Id be changing the locks while he was out. If he's living with you for free you make the rules.

Happyheartlovelife · 05/11/2020 16:52

Don't pay the fine?!?

Make him pay it. Otherwise you're enabling him

SirSamuelVimes · 05/11/2020 16:56

@Happyheartlovelife

Don't pay the fine?!?

Make him pay it. Otherwise you're enabling him

Hence why she says "him paying the fine" in the op. Literally right there, easy peasy read-y.

Not really anything you can do. Tell h.you won't be helping him pay a fine and stay out of it.

DramaLlama12 · 05/11/2020 16:58

I heard 3 women talking about meeting up next week while the kids play Xbox and eat pizzas
They could have been in a support bubble but going into town this morning there’s loads of people about so I doubt your son is in the minority
Doesn’t make it right but seems like a lot of people are just doing as they please
Staying inside during lockdown 1 fucked me up mentally from which I’m still trying to recover from . I think people are doing it because mentally they’re unable to cope
Sounds like you can’t stop him tho , I don’t have the answer but perhaps encourage him to wash when he gets in and change out of his clothes

Original poster
TheLookOfLove · 05/11/2020 17:04

To the PP ,sorry dont know how to quote..yes mental health is a huge factor, he has been in and out of ( mostly ineffective)support over the years and is very demand avoidant, so I'm not surprised he's taken this stance.

I just feel helpless really, plus I'm also scared of catching it. ( and of police bringing him home....)

OP posts:
SirSamuelVimes · 05/11/2020 17:13

OP, do you have any underlying conditions which make you vulnerable? If you don't, the chances of you having anything more than a mild flu- like illness are tiny so I would try not to worry.

My mental health is on the floor. If I could find anyone to go meet up with during this I would be.

Original poster
TheLookOfLove · 05/11/2020 17:20

No I don't have any other conditions, I am worried about catching it, mainly because I'm on my own ,looking after my children, no family at all, their dad died.

So scared of what would happen if I got really sick..

OP posts:
SirSamuelVimes · 05/11/2020 17:39

Understandable to be worried because you've not got any support but chances are you might not even notice it if you did. For most people it is a mild or very mild virus, no worse than catching a bad cold. The chances of you getting really sick are probably less than the chances of being badly injured crossing the road / in a car collision.

I'm not denying the existence of Covid just trying to represent the actual risk.

Cuddling57 · 05/11/2020 18:09

There's nothing you can do and there are many adults doing the same thing.
Don't stress yourself out over it and don't ruin your relationship with him.
Just have adult conversations expressing your aren't keen.

Branleuse · 05/11/2020 18:12

Is he at school/ college?

Original poster
TheLookOfLove · 05/11/2020 18:15

Yes hes at college so still mixing with people there.
He has gone out...I'll just have to resign myself to it I guess.

OP posts:
SpookyNoise · 05/11/2020 18:17

This is going to be a big issue, I feel. While schools and colleges are open, a lot of young people won’t see the point in the lockdown.
Hopefully his friends will stay in and then he might too.

MotheringShites · 05/11/2020 18:25

Don’t stress OP. You have tried to advise him but you can’t physically restrain him (which would be immoral even if you could!)
I feel so desperately sad for teens this year. They’ve already sacrificed so much.

KatieBMumof3 · 05/11/2020 20:25

This reply has been deleted

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Fcuk38 · 08/11/2020 19:31

I think this really depends upon who he is going out with. Is it college people that he mixes with anyway? My 11 year old was the same at the weekend as his retort to me was i spend all week with them whats the difference at the weekend and he has a point. The restrictions this time don't really go far enough/ make sense.

Andi2020 · 08/11/2020 21:15

Yes this weekend my dd17 had enough and went out
She walked 8km to town walked about with friends and bf to 12pm then rang me
Please mum I need you to collect me.
So I had to get out of bed and go get her.

Firefliess · 08/11/2020 23:51

They're allowed to meet one friend at a time outside. So I let DD go out and do that. I can't actually police whether she does find anywhere to go indoors but she knows she can't bring friends indoors here and the pubs, etc are all closed so there's not many options for her. If they gather in big groups outside I think they will get moved in by the police.

In terms of personal risk, your DD is probably far more likely to get it at school than meeting friends outdoors. And it's by no means inevitable that you'd catch it off a grumpy teenager who doesn't really spend a lot of time with you even if he does catch it.

And if you do catch Covid and get really ill your 16 year old will need to step up and help you out won't he?

JustDanceAddict · 09/11/2020 17:25

I will let my 16 yr old go out with one friend - to my knowledge - no friends are allowed here and I expect his friends’ parents are the same so there wouldn’t be much to do anyway.
He towed the line reasonably in lockdown 1 so no reason why he wouldn’t now. It’s only 3.5 weeks more. I hope!

Fantasisa · 09/11/2020 17:27

Honestly I wouldn't be worried about my teen socialising - they have sacrificied so much. Perhaps you could agree some parameters with him?

kittensarecute · 09/11/2020 17:27

@Fcuk38

I think this really depends upon who he is going out with. Is it college people that he mixes with anyway? My 11 year old was the same at the weekend as his retort to me was i spend all week with them whats the difference at the weekend and he has a point. The restrictions this time don't really go far enough/ make sense.
Oh yes they do! More than far enough.
rwalker · 09/11/2020 17:32

Honestly the main thing is to let him deal with any consequences. Stress all you want but the reality is there very little you can do so don't beat yourself up about it .

Forget arsehole condescending advice like "I just wouldn't let them"

thegirlwithkaleidoscopeeyes · 09/11/2020 17:37

It’s so difficult - we’ve agreed/compromised with ds17 that he can meet up with one friend. They go to college together so sit next to each other on a bus for almost 2 hours a day 5 days a week, never mind any shared lessons. None of us can really understand why that’s ok but sitting in the same room to watch Netflix isn’t.

Joswis · 09/11/2020 17:41

Would the police go after him if you called them? If so, do it.

Pikachubaby · 09/11/2020 17:48

I would not make a huge issue out if it

He’s more likely to get it at school than anywhere.

That age group is paying quite a price for these lockdowns

My teens are complying, so far, but I have seen too many teens now with depression and anxiety this year, and I would try to work in having a good relationship with your son right now. One of my son’s friends is suicidal following depression induced by lockdown (and taking away the one hobby he loved which kept him going, he’s from a difficult background Sad). If anything I feel like cutting my teens some slack

I know I may be going against the grain here, I may be wrong

Ihaveyourback · 09/11/2020 18:03

This won't be popular on here, but I would be prioritising my child's MH over covid op. It is more likely to cause the greatest harm to your child.
Ask him to stay with one friend if possible and wear sportswear, so he can at least claim he is exercising.

I don't think teens should be forced to stay in, they have been in college all day mixing freely, it makes no sense to lock them down at 5pm. Although as an adult I understand the need for restrictions, I can understand why the young are less convinced.

DS should be advised to tell any police officers that he has bad MH and he is out getting fresh air and will head home.

If he is in a group, it is going to be less acceptable to the police or other agencies. I would let him go, advise him to stay under the radar op.