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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

18 yo out all night, 6th form tomorrow

30 replies

TrafalgarSquare · 21/10/2020 22:34

Ds went out earlier to see his bf. He's now texted from a town about an hour away to say he's lost his bike key, missed the train and wants me to pick him up from the next town first thing tomorrow first thing. I am not sure what is going on as he is not answering phone but there are still trains running.
His dad (we are not together) gave him money on his 18th and he immediately gave up his pt job. He is doing some school work but not much.
I am not sure how to approach it, I know he is an adult but I can't help worrying about him!

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 21/10/2020 22:55

Gosh you seem a bit over-concerned for what is a normal thing for an 18 year old to do! My 16 year old occasionally stays at her friends on a school night...it's fine if they're responsible.

Original poster
TrafalgarSquare · 21/10/2020 23:05

Do you think? He's in a town an hour away he's never been to before. I haven't a clue who he's with. He's lost his motorbike key and he's stranded and it's pissing down with rain. But I suppose if he is in trouble I'll get a call! and if not he'll find his way back, eventually.

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trunumber · 21/10/2020 23:07

He's likely with his BF isn't he?

Ginfordinner · 21/10/2020 23:07

@FortunesFave

Gosh you seem a bit over-concerned for what is a normal thing for an 18 year old to do! My 16 year old occasionally stays at her friends on a school night...it's fine if they're responsible.
No. It's not normal on a school night, especially not for a 16 year old. I would be worried as well. Are drink/drugs involved here?
Original poster
TrafalgarSquare · 21/10/2020 23:09

I really don't know trunumber I'd be happier if he was but his boyfriend doesn't ride a bike and lives in another town!

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Geppili · 21/10/2020 23:09

Is he 18 or 16?

Original poster
TrafalgarSquare · 21/10/2020 23:10

He's 18. So adult. But I still worry. He seems to be drinking more recently. Not sure about drugs. He wouldn't drink if riding his bike. I'm wondering if that's why he's stranded, though.

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Original poster
TrafalgarSquare · 21/10/2020 23:10

It's Fortune's dc who is 16

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decoraters · 21/10/2020 23:11

But I suppose if he is in trouble I'll get a call! and if not he'll find his way back, eventually.

He asked you to pick him up tomorrow so why are you expecting him to find his own way home? Have you said no?

decoraters · 21/10/2020 23:13

INo. It's not normal on a school night, especially not for a 16 year old. I would be worried as well. Are drink/drugs involved herei

Just as well you are not DD friends mum. I would hate to feel your judgement. DD friend stayed here roughly once a week from age 15 until they went to uni. There was no drink or drugs involved. They were safe in my house.

Ginfordinner · 21/10/2020 23:14

Is he staying at his boyfriend's?

Somethingkindaoooo · 21/10/2020 23:14

Oh jesus.

Yes he's 18 and officially an adult, but surely that doesn't mean you just wash your hands of him.
It's ok to want to make sure he's safe. 18 is not a fully formed adult, capable of logical thought

MondeoFan · 21/10/2020 23:14

I'd be worried deep down but as he's 18 not much you can do

Original poster
TrafalgarSquare · 21/10/2020 23:14

No I haven't said no, I tried to call him but he's not answering his phone

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Original poster
TrafalgarSquare · 21/10/2020 23:18

No he's not at his boyfriend's house, I'd be fine if he was. Thanks for understanding - exactly - logically I realise I can't stop him taking risks but it's quite stressful at the same time. His MH has been up and down in the past, he seems happier at the moment but I've always worried about him.

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Ginfordinner · 21/10/2020 23:20

@decoraters

INo. It's not normal on a school night, especially not for a 16 year old. I would be worried as well. Are drink/drugs involved herei

Just as well you are not DD friends mum. I would hate to feel your judgement. DD friend stayed here roughly once a week from age 15 until they went to uni. There was no drink or drugs involved. They were safe in my house.

I wasn't being judgemental at all. It just wasn't normal for DD or her friends to stay out all night or have a sleepover on a school night. That's all Hmm
nimbuscloud · 21/10/2020 23:24

DD friend stayed here roughly once a week from age 15 until they went to uni

Did her mother know where she was?

decoraters · 21/10/2020 23:31

I wasn't being judgemental at all. It just wasn't normal for DD or her friends to stay out all night or have a sleepover on a school night. That's all

I have misread the drink/drugs comment. Sorry.

decoraters · 21/10/2020 23:31

@nimbuscloud

DD friend stayed here roughly once a week from age 15 until they went to uni

Did her mother know where she was?

Yea, of course.

VonHerrBurton · 21/10/2020 23:31

I've got an 18 yo ds, I'd be more concerned about him packing in his pt job and seemingly not working much in school than the staying out. Although I would be worried about him op. If he wants to play the 'im an adult' card then that means the getting a pt job and working hard in school bit needs to be dealt with like an adult too. Not just the fun stuff.

Serious chat needed tomorrow I think. Can't have everything his way. 18 or not.

CulturallyAppropriatedName · 21/10/2020 23:34

I wouldn't be happy with that at all OP. I find the story hard to believe as well. I would also be unutterably pissed off that he expected me to get up at the crack of dawn, drive for an hour, collect him, drive back for an hour all in time for college at his convenience. Nope from me.

Original poster
TrafalgarSquare · 21/10/2020 23:44

I wasn't keen on him packing in his job in the slightest. I am concerned in general! but in particular tonight. However I've just had a text to say he's with another young chap he knows so I can get some sleep knowing he's safe and worry about the rest of it in the normal everyday routine kind of way. Thanks for being there, everyone, it was a big help!

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Original poster
TrafalgarSquare · 21/10/2020 23:49

Yep Culturally it was a crock of shit and that's why I was concerned and imagining the worst. I will collect him, it's only half an hour away as he's getting train as far as he can - but he will have to sort out recovering his motorbike from wherever he's left it.

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HunkyPunk · 21/10/2020 23:51

so I can get some sleep knowing he's safe and worry about the rest of it in the normal everyday routine kind of way

How well this sums up the fate of a parent! Glad you've heard from him and he's ok, op.

Original poster
TrafalgarSquare · 21/10/2020 23:56

Ah thanks! It really does. NN all.

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