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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How much board do you charge your older teens if any?

77 replies

PumpkinSpiceGirl · 19/10/2020 11:07

I’m a single parent, DD18 is studying (at home) and working part time. She gets approx £750 a month including her wages and an allowance from her dad. She has a car to run, a phone contract and a gym membership but no other outgoings.

She’s good at budgeting and keen to pay her way but I’ve no idea what is fair to charge her. I could really do with the extra and think it’s a good life lesson for her but I want to be reasonable. What do other people do?

OP posts:
Original poster
PumpkinSpiceGirl · 20/10/2020 05:50

@AldiAisleofCrap thank you yes, I’m paying the reduced council tax luckily

@loubieloo4 I’m so sorry about your dh

OP posts:
alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 20/10/2020 06:01

I don't take money for keep from my son as he is at uni, but I absolutely would if I had to.. Don't feel guilty, we all do what we can. I'd say 50 quid a week is fair.

Indoctro · 20/10/2020 06:10

I think in a situation where you need the help it's not u reasonable to ask her to contribute. How about she helps buy some food each week.

Yes it would be great not to charge her but she is a adult now and I'm sure if her mum is struggling she would want to help

She will be more than aware of all you have done for her and how her dad has avoided the hard parts. She will know her mum has made sacrifices for her.

Sounds like she is a great kid and a credit to you, I would just discuss it with her and see what she feels comfortable contributing and what she can afford after her bills to give you and Stu I'll allowing her to save for her future

Gingerkittykat · 20/10/2020 06:17

My student DD has an income of around £900 a month and pays £200 to me which I'm actually thinking of raising since she is at home most of the time right now and thinks nothing of going and editing my Asda order and adding in loads of extras for herself. I also pay for her to be on car insurance while she is learning to drive and take her out driving quite a lot.

I think she is getting a good deal!

Londonnight · 20/10/2020 06:17

I'm in the same position. Single parent with a 19 yr old. As soon as he turned 18 his dad stopped paying anything towards him and pays no contribution at all to his son now.
I work full time on minimum wage, and like you lost all help once my son finished education, so really need help with living costs.
My son works and is earning more than me per month, so I ask him for 20% towards living costs which he happily pays.

You will always get different opinions on here about asking your adult child to help towards costs, with most saying they never would.
I wish I could do that, but I am just not in a position to. Please don't feel guilty about this, we all have to do what is necessary to survive.

DayKay · 20/10/2020 06:22

Why don’t you explain that you’re struggling and you don’t want to ask her for money but if she could contribute to household expenses then that would be great.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 20/10/2020 07:33

My DD is older (22), graduates last year and has been working full time since March. She temped part time after graduation. Similar situation in that it's always been just the two of us and her father has never paid a penny. She pays for half of the utility bills (gas/electric/water), the excess of council tax, all her own food and we take turns to buy household stuff, cat food etc. She also does about 70% of the housework. Our bills are low - gas/electricity less than £30 a month - so I don't feel that I'm fleecing her and she can save a decent amount. She is completely happy with this too.

It's really whatever seems fair for your both.

CandyLeBonBon · 20/10/2020 07:56

Bloody hell some people here have no idea! Op I'm in the same boat. My ds gives me 300 a month.

He still costs me to live here and as a single parent I simply can't afford to bankroll him. Ignore the sanctimonious guilt trippers.

If she was living away, she'd have to pay.

homemadecommunistrussia · 20/10/2020 08:02

We always took some money of ds's allowance when he was home from uni. Food and bills cost there's no getting away from it.
He's now at home full time, not earning much, but still pays us board £30 a week.

HollowTalk · 20/10/2020 19:06

[quote PumpkinSpiceGirl]@AldiAisleofCrap thank you yes, I’m paying the reduced council tax luckily

@loubieloo4 I’m so sorry about your dh[/quote]
But if she's working, you can't claim the reduced council tax, can you?

HollowTalk · 20/10/2020 19:07

@Gingerkittykat

My student DD has an income of around £900 a month and pays £200 to me which I'm actually thinking of raising since she is at home most of the time right now and thinks nothing of going and editing my Asda order and adding in loads of extras for herself. I also pay for her to be on car insurance while she is learning to drive and take her out driving quite a lot.

I think she is getting a good deal!

I would have a rule that if she adds anything at all, she pays for that. It's just not fair that anyone should be able to add to someone else's order without paying for it.
Californiabakes · 20/10/2020 19:32

£750 is a huge disposable income so it’s more than reasonable for you to ask for a contribution towards her keep. Don’t feel bad about it at all.

knickybricks · 21/10/2020 03:19

She could at least pay for her additional costs to live with you - food, extra electric/gas. I don’t think it’s awful to charge a student or disgusting - it depends on the circumstances.

StarCat2020 · 21/10/2020 03:32

I asked my son for £40 a week and he was happy to pay it and I really needed it.

My DM then got involved and told him how awful it was for me to take money from him when she never took any from me at the same age (totally different circumstances).

Anyway end result is that he went to live with DM as I am so awful and now he won't speak to me at all because I am a "money-grabbing bitch".

DM tells me that I should have "economised" if I didn't want my son to "see how mean I am"

Coffeecak3 · 21/10/2020 03:39

I charged my two 20%.
That way if their income dropped they paid a bit less and if it rose I got a bit more.

Pepperama · 21/10/2020 04:01

She’s an adult and as such housing costs and bills should be shared according to what each of you can contribute. I had a single mum and it was always obvious to me that that’s fair. Intend to do the same with mine if they want to stay at home

PerveenMistry · 21/10/2020 04:09

@PumpkinSpiceGirl

Wow really? I thought I was doing the right thing teaching her to budget. I’m running a family house on one salary because staying in the house and area seemed the best thing for her but it’s not easy. Just another way I’m screwed I guess while her dad gets away with throwing a few quid her way and taking no other responsibility 🙄
I think the term "charge" is off putting. Like she's a paying tenant. Eighteen is pretty young for that.

Maybe "how much is reasonable for my teenager to help with household costs?" would elicit different reactions.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 21/10/2020 04:42

£50 a week is an amazing deal for bed & board - and far less than it would cost her if she lived away from home, at uni.

Why on Earth should you have to struggle while your DD enjoys a disposable income of nearly £1000 a month? She sounds like a lovely, responsible girl, so you've obviously done a great job, raising her. Let her contribute.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 21/10/2020 04:46

It's normal to pay board where I come from. £200pm sounds reasonable. My parents didn't need to charge me but I didn't know this until they gifted me it back when I got married. DH paid board and his single mum used it towards bills as she needed to financially. There's nothing wrong with a working adult paying their way OP so dont feel bad for suggesting it. There are some very privileged people responding, who don't realise it's not always a choice!

Movinghouse2015 · 21/10/2020 08:02

Is your DD at uni or 6th form?

If at 6th form you still get CHB and can claim single person discount for your council tax.

I would ask for a contribution if at uni. It's no different to paying for halls/rent. If at 6th form I would not expect a contribution.

Original poster
PumpkinSpiceGirl · 21/10/2020 17:01

She’s doing an OU degree and working part time, CHB told me we weren’t eligible any more but I thought Council Tax was - I’d better check 😬

OP posts:
Original poster
PumpkinSpiceGirl · 21/10/2020 17:04

@PerveenMistry yes maybe my wording wasn’t great, it is just a contribution to living costs not me trying to make a bit extra.

OP posts:
crimsonlake · 21/10/2020 17:54

Personally I would not dream of charging my child who was a full time studen either.
I think out of the money she receives she can be expected to buy all her own clothes, etc so you should have no extra to pay apart from the bills.
You go on to say her father throws a few pounds her way....it must be more than that if she has £750 coming in each month.
At the end of the day if you are honestly really struggling then perhaps you have no option.

HollowTalk · 21/10/2020 18:26

@crimsonlake when a child reaches 18 then there is no council tax discount, no child benefit and no child tax credits. Usually there's no child maintenance, either. If a single mother is on a low wage then this can make a huge difference to her income.

If her daughter has £750 per month coming in then surely she can't expect to keep all of that for spending money while her mother's income has been so drastically reduced?

CommanderBurnham · 21/10/2020 20:02

I think she should contribute.

Maybe give her one of the bills to pay?

She sounds lovely by the way. A real credit to you I hope.