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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How much board do you charge your older teens if any?

77 replies

PumpkinSpiceGirl · 19/10/2020 11:07

I’m a single parent, DD18 is studying (at home) and working part time. She gets approx £750 a month including her wages and an allowance from her dad. She has a car to run, a phone contract and a gym membership but no other outgoings.

She’s good at budgeting and keen to pay her way but I’ve no idea what is fair to charge her. I could really do with the extra and think it’s a good life lesson for her but I want to be reasonable. What do other people do?

OP posts:
JacobReesMogadishu · 19/10/2020 18:37

I don't charge uni student dd anything. And I pay her car insurance and mobile phone!

JacobReesMogadishu · 19/10/2020 18:39

Sorry, meant to say but I don't think it would be unreasonable to charge her when she's earning quite a bit and you could do with the help. She's old enough to understand that.

AdriannaP · 19/10/2020 18:42

Wow! I wouldn’t charge my own child for living in the family home especially as she is so young and still in education. You sound resentful of her DF and your life as a single mum.
What was your plan if she didn’t get a well paid job?

dementedma · 19/10/2020 18:42

We never charged any of ours but expected them to save instead towards their own home . They also paid all their own phones, driving lessons, bus fares etc etc

CountFosco · 19/10/2020 18:59

It depends on your income. If you earn over £60K (the point at which a student gets the minimum loan and parents are expected to pay half the costs) you shouldn't ask her for anything. If you are on NMW you should work out exactly what she costs each month and charge her that (cost calculator). And a sliding scale between the two.

Lolly34h · 19/10/2020 19:08

My dd is 18 doing an apprenticeship paid around 700 a month and I charge her 100 a month. That covers washing food internet gas electric. All other expenses are hers alone like clothing and outings although very little outing with the pandemic. It teaches her that it all costs money and helps a little bit here. I have a low income though

RunBackwards · 19/10/2020 19:10

Mine are 17 and 19yo, both working FT. Older one on a gap year earning c. £400pw and younger one on an apprenticeship on slightly less. They both pay £50pw.

If I'm honest, we don't need it, I'm actually putting it in a separate account which they may (or may not) get back at some point.

I do it so they get used to the idea that living costs money etc but I don't think I'd have done it while they were studying and only working pt.

RunBackwards · 19/10/2020 19:13

Oh I should have added that "learning" to contribute to the running of the household is equally important IMO and both of mine cook a meal, mow the lawn, clean the bathroom when asked and do their own ironing etc. Too many friends seem to have got into a position where paying "keep" seems to mean they think they're paying their parents to skivvy for them.

MaddieElla · 19/10/2020 19:15

Nah no way.

My DD budgets already. She has driving lessons, is saving for a car and is juggling work and her final year of A Levels.

I wouldn't dream of having her pay to live here at her age.

HollowTalk · 19/10/2020 19:19

What have you lost, by having her reach 18 and working. Child benefit? Tax credits? Council tax? I don't think people realise that those things can make a big difference. When my son came home, council tax alone was another £55 per month. I can see why someone would ask their child to contribute towards that. And child benefit is, what, £80 per month? I do think that she should at least pay what you were used to having.

MaddieElla · 19/10/2020 19:41

Council tax?

Original poster
PumpkinSpiceGirl · 19/10/2020 20:00

I really wish that I was in a position to just pay for everything but unfortunately I’m not. You lose things like CHB when kids get older but they don’t cost any less!

I’m trying to sell the house and move somewhere cheaper but it’s not shifting and there’s not much more I can do. I work hard but don’t earn anywhere near £60k, her dad stopped paying maintenance the minute she hit 18, he pays her an allowance instead but has already decided to cut this now she is working so yes I am a bit resentful towards him. Even if we sell the house he can just take his share and buy a little place wherever he feels like it - I need somewhere for the 2 of us (no other kids) and need to stay local for mine and DD’s work (and I’d know she’d still like to be near her bf). He pays nothing extra, doesn’t even take her out for dinner whereas I often treat her and cover all expenses like just buying her the laptop she needed and supporting her while she found a job (which I’m bloody proud of her for doing at the moment).

I really don’t want to be unfair to her, she’s brilliant - does her fair share round here and is sensible and generous with any money she has.

Thanks for all the advice, it’s a real eye opener on here sometimes. It’s good to know not everyone thinks I’m unreasonable but I assume those of you paying for everything for your teens are doing it on 2 salaries - or you’ve just made smarter life choices than I have 🙄

OP posts:
Lilac95 · 19/10/2020 20:02

Whilst at uni ‘, still living at home and doing part time work I paid £200 per month to my mother. Which I thought was very fair. She had a similar situation of two kids at uni/working on one wage

Chicchicchicchiclana · 19/10/2020 20:03

Only 18 and has a car already! Why?

I think she could give you £50 to £80 a week out of her income.

SunshineCake · 19/10/2020 20:05

In 1991 I was working full time and had to pay £100 a month. They weren't my parents though and I suspect their actual kids paid less.

Gizmo79 · 19/10/2020 20:13

Try being 17 and having to support yourself, not easy parents, not easy.
Yes, I will be charging my late teens, perhaps I will save it, perhaps I will use it to improve the family house that has been gradually destroyed 🤣🤣🤣

Original poster
PumpkinSpiceGirl · 19/10/2020 20:18

@Chicchicchicchiclana because we live in a village with very little/unreliable public transport so getting to school/work/friends is pretty difficult without one. It’s only a little runaround, she’s not driving a Porsche 🙂

OP posts:
haggistramp · 19/10/2020 20:25

If you cant afford it then absolutely she she should pay her way. Even if you can afford it I personally think once they leave school then they should contribute. Id suggest 50 to 70 is about right.

HaggisTheGreat · 19/10/2020 20:34

I am very surprised by the answers here. When I was growing up, it was very common for kids living at home to pay board. Talk to her, look at the bills (and the extra that she costs) and agree an amount that works for both of you. If, at some point, your circumstances improve and you are comfortably able to do so, you can save some of the money she gives you to possibly help her later. And take her dad out of the equation - what he does or does not do is not relevant to the current dilemma.

Bumply · 19/10/2020 20:47

DS2 is 18 and failed to get into uni last year. When he got a job he paid me 20%.
Ds1 (22) has come home after he finished his degree. Not asking anything from him, but he's found a job and I'll expect 20% same as his brother.
I'm fortunate not to need the money, so it's in savings that I'll give back to them as help towards a house deposit when they get to that stage.

AldiAisleofCrap · 20/10/2020 00:20

As she is a student then the cost of her food and half the utility bills assuming you don’t have any other children, not including council tax. Do you know you only need to pay 75% yourself @PumpkinSpiceGirl

katy1213 · 20/10/2020 00:44

Why would you feel awful? Do you have £750 a month to spend on yourself? £50 a week will barely feed her, let alone contribute to overheads. If she had moved away, she'd be paying rent and everything else.

FinallyFluid · 20/10/2020 00:52

We don't need to charge DS, but we do, he is crap with money, he spent his last payday on a Montclere (sp) hoodie and the one before that on a Canada Goose coat.

His hours have been severely reduced due to this pandemic, we charge him slightly less than 30% a week, I am saving it for him.

loubieloo4 · 20/10/2020 01:01

We don't charge our 2 dc that are at uni, both have part time jobs also. So far they have managed to save £25k and £15k respectively. Once they have finished uni and are working full time we will charge them a % of their wage.

The original plan was to save it for them and give it back when they leave, sadly dh has stage 4 terminal cancer and it looks very much like I will be widowed before then. If that's the case (very likely as dh has already outlived his life expectancy) I will need their help with the bills. We have already had the discussion with them though so they understand.

grenouilleescargot · 20/10/2020 02:01

@PumpkinSpiceGirl

Well I’d like to be in a position not to but I guess I’m going to have to rethink, I feel awful now 🙁
Do not feel guilty, if you can't afford it (and many can't, we can't) then it's absolutely fine