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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS 15 with GF in hot tub

36 replies

CathTurnbull · 15/09/2020 20:24

Last night my DS (almost 16) managed to sneak his GF (same age) onto our property and they went into the hut tub together.

I was awoken in the night to hear giggling - I peeked out of the bathroom window and saw he was with his GF in the hot tub both drinking a bottle of Smirnoff Ice.

I didn’t go barging downstairs as I didn’t want to embarrass either of them so went back to sleep with a view to speaking to him first thing.

He’s gone straight to his GF’s house from school and I didn’t see him this morning as he left early for school. I don’t think really know what to say to him though or how I really feel.

He’s a good lad, does well in school. She’s a nice girl, they’ve been together a while so I assume they’re intimate (he knows about safe sex obvs).
I feel a bit disappointed- but drinking a bottle of Smirnoff ice is hardly crime of the century is it? Suppose the biggest concern is whether the GF’s parents knew where she was?

What would you say?

OP posts:
GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 15/09/2020 20:26

So they are both only 15?

Original poster
CathTurnbull · 15/09/2020 20:41

Yes they’re both 16 in the next few weeks

OP posts:
RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 15/09/2020 20:44

I think he's a teenager in love and if they're sensible otherwise and very nearly 16, I just wouldn't mention it.

ButteryPuffin · 15/09/2020 20:46

What has been your policy so far about her staying over?

OverTheRainbow88 · 15/09/2020 20:48

If there’s a time where one of them is 16 and the other 15 I would advise no sex.

Evenstar · 15/09/2020 20:49

I think the fact you didn’t know she was coming over and it’s a school night would be a problem for me.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/09/2020 20:49

I would be having LOADS of conversations about contraception.

FVFrog · 15/09/2020 20:54

I would tell them not on a school night and no glass in the hot tub Wink other than that...that you would appreciate knowing when GF is coming round and make sure you have had an open and frank discussion about consent and safe sex, and that legally neither of them can give consent until they are 16. I wouldn’t worry about the age difference if it is close (ie one is 16 a couple of months before the other), but also that they should be staying 1m plus apart and wearing a mask! But also it is your house and you need to be comfortable with whatever is happening.

FlorenceNightshade · 15/09/2020 20:55

I’d just tell him how you feel and set some boundaries. Like if his GF is there you expect her parents to know where she is. No alcohol or no alcohol without permission/supervision whatever you are comfortable with. And agree that hot tub time is “booked” in advance so they aren’t joined by you in your bikini and DH is his speedo unexpectedly and whatever other rules you’d like.

I’d also let him know that you saw them but chose to not make a scene as a one time deal, he does it again and it’s a different story.

Original poster
CathTurnbull · 15/09/2020 21:09

Ok thanks everyone. I think I’ll emphasise the fact that it’s not ok on a school night, and I think it’s all really important that her mum knows where she is - although I can’t see this as an issue as she’s very open and close with her mum (I often overhear her on the phone). Also like most typical teens she’s practically glued to her phone so I don’t think there would ever be a case that her mum couldn’t get hold of her.

Shortly after they met her mum texted me to say not to worry in case anything were to happen as she was taking contraceptives to regulate her cycle and they’d openly chatted about sex and she has told her mum she wasn’t ready for any of that kind of thing yet (although that was a while ago so not sure if things have changed now).

I’m not going to get worked up about the Smirnoff ice - although I think any alcohol drinking needs to be in moderation and supervised. I can’t see her mum having a problem as she’s even more laid back than I am, and I’m verging on horizontal!

OP posts:
Mum2jenny · 15/09/2020 21:09

Wearing a mask is the least of your problems. Contraception is likely to be key. Do you have a bowl of condoms in your house for them to use?
I found this approach the best way to embarrass them into not getting involved to this sort of level of behaviour in the house.

Mum2jenny · 15/09/2020 21:11

When my dc were teenagers I provided bowls of sweets and bowls of condoms. Both were rarely used!

Andi2020 · 15/09/2020 21:43

As long as both sets off parents know where they are is the most important.
17 is legal age for intimacy where I live so my dd and her bf where 17 same week and waited.
They where keen a couple off weeks before to spend the night together but it wasn't properly planned and she had no overnight bag so talked to her on phone and told her to just wait and do it properly as they had already talked about it and we where giving them the house for the weekend and wanted it to be more off a special experience than having nothing with you
She was glad she listened
Lots off teenagers go drinking and sex in parks so at least they where in hot tub safe.
I wouldn't be keen on the alcohol on a school night.

BlueDream · 15/09/2020 21:46

I'd wind him up and tell him that you actually have cctv on the hot tub and "saw everything", then give him a wink.

irregularegular · 15/09/2020 21:53

Also alcohol and hot tubs is a really bad combination!

Otherwise my main concern really would be how late it was especially on a school night (you said you were awoken in the night!) and the fact that neither you nor the GFs parents seemed to know where they were. And personally I think that 15 is a bit young to be helping themselves to alcohol, but maybe I am out of line.

It doesn't sound like you've learned anything new about intimacy etc.

Elieza · 15/09/2020 22:02

@BlueDream ha ha. Sounds like a plan Grin

Original poster
CathTurnbull · 15/09/2020 22:09

Blue dream, actually we do have CCTV at the back of the property, not directly on the hot tub though. I will do the wink wink lol

OP posts:
SquirrelFan · 15/09/2020 22:11

Seconding @irregularegular. Especially if you are newish to drinking and don't know your limits - that's what I would have been stomping downstairs in my dressing gown about!

OntheWaves40 · 15/09/2020 22:14

My DS is 15 and I couldn’t imagine this situation. He’s in bed by 8:30 with lights out at 9pm on a school night, 10pm at wkend. How late was it? Did you go to sleep early or was she staying over the full night?
I would have gone down, now worried about embarrassing them and found out what was going on and took the girl home.

CrazyToast · 15/09/2020 22:31

Not really relevant but where did they get the smirnoff ice?

I would have to mention it and say no sneaking but otherwise it seems harmless

Sunshineandsparkle · 15/09/2020 22:36

@OntheWaves40

My DS is 15 and I couldn’t imagine this situation. He’s in bed by 8:30 with lights out at 9pm on a school night, 10pm at wkend. How late was it? Did you go to sleep early or was she staying over the full night? I would have gone down, now worried about embarrassing them and found out what was going on and took the girl home.
Maturity levels vary massively at that age so whilst some boys are in bed by 8.30pm, others are with their girlfriends.

Op, as others have said, have a chat with him about sneaking around as that’s not on. You sound like you give him plenty of independence so he needs to respect you and be honest. Also, no hot tubs and Smirnoff ices with his girlfriend on a school night. He’s not 20 remember!!

CrotchetyQuaver · 15/09/2020 22:37

I'm quite surprised at the leniency of views on this thread.

If it was one of mine I'd be getting cross about (not in any particular order):-

Drinking from glass bottles in the hot tub
Sneaking the girlfriend in
Do her parents know (bet they didn't)
It's a school night
Staying up late and fooling about is not usually the right way to end up getting good grades in ones GCSEs
It must have been pretty late if you'd gone to bed so they probably disturbed the neighbours too
However grown up they think they might be, they're kids at 15 years old
They shouldn't have been drinking alcopops, they're too young.

What exactly are your house rules?

Original poster
CathTurnbull · 15/09/2020 22:41

Crotchety - I am quite lenient. I have a difficult home life and choose my battles carefully. Parenting is not a competition. I teach my children about what’s important in life, not necessarily having to follow strict rules. Everyone is different.

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 15/09/2020 22:42

British culture is so lenient 😮

yecannyshoveyergranny · 15/09/2020 22:44

I'd chat to him about it but I wouldn't rant or rave. Why was he out the house so late on a school night?

But the poster who's 15 year old goes to bed at 10pm on a weekend. Wtf. Why?!