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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

parents of teens with serious ED?

45 replies

vacua · 08/10/2007 14:00

could really use some support if anyone is around, help to access services especially as daughter not engaging with camhs and her weight is hovering around dangerously low level

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vacua · 08/10/2007 14:04

will check back later, thanks in advance for any help

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themoon66 · 08/10/2007 14:08

No experience of this, sorry. Just bumping for you. Hope someone comes along soon who can help.

dolally · 08/10/2007 15:56

can't really help either but bumping this for you. The evening crowd might come up with something for you.

Good luck.

vacua · 08/10/2007 18:39

thanks for the bumps, someone else must be/have been in a similar situation?

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Tamum · 08/10/2007 18:41

I'm sorry I can't help with experience- I know that there is now incredibly impressive data on how much CBT can help with eating disorders, but I am sure you know that already. Is there any kind of support board for parents you could try? (ED specific I mean, I do realise this is a support board for parents!)

spooklesandwhine · 08/10/2007 19:02

Hi sorry i can't help just wanted to bump for you though

Maybe you could try posting in the health section someone there may have experiance

sorry i can't help

catinthehat · 08/10/2007 19:11
Tamum · 08/10/2007 19:11

Just had a good idea- ggg started a thread a few days ago suggesting an "experience register" here where people could offer help on partcicular topics. I just scanned back through it and tortoiseshell is offering help with eating disorders. Her children are too young, so she may not look in this section but perhaps you could start another thread with her name in the title? If I "see" her I will point her this way.

ImBarryScott · 08/10/2007 19:13

hi vacua
sorry to hear of the situation you're in
no personal exp, I'm afraid.
but I am a mental health social worker (ASW) and have some limited experience with AN/BN if you want to chat.

ImBarryScott · 08/10/2007 19:14

x - post!
I hope tortoiseshell can help. if not, I'm around.

shrooms · 08/10/2007 19:46

My sister is an anorexic/bulimic. So while I am not the parent, I have some responsibility over her health. It is a cruel illness. Sorry that you are going through what my parents are.
How long has she been ill?

dolally · 08/10/2007 20:28

vac, try on the health board.

dolally · 08/10/2007 20:29

...in addition to barry and schooms offers of help of course!

vacua · 08/10/2007 21:48

Thanks everyone, I'm just feeling particularly overwhelmed today - it's been going on for about 3 years. In fact it 'runs' in our family a bit along with manic depression and most of her treatment so far has been talk-based therapy for her low mood. Because she won't participate in any sort of therapy, or only in a very limited sort of way, we haven't made any progress at all and because her weight was not low enough to be life threatening there's been very little anyone can do. Now she is quite frail, well under 40kg, and we've gone back to CAMHS who have had some sort of revamp and want us to go through the whole sorry assessment procedure again and I think I'll lose the plot totally if they make us have family therapy again.

I seem to have run out of steam as far as advocating for her goes, I'm so tired, I can't face another day. She binges an unbelievable amount of food - I can spend £150 on groceries one day only for it all to be gone the next. How can I think of locking food away from someone who is skeletal, but how can I sustain food bills in excess of £350 a week as a lone parent?

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Tamum · 08/10/2007 22:04

vacua, I am so so sorry, it sounds like a complete nightmare. I can't begin to imagine how you cope with that.

dolally · 08/10/2007 22:12

how old is she vac?

how much support are YOU getting?

vacua · 08/10/2007 22:39

She's 15, I'm lucky to have some nice friends around but no formal support and no useful family really - I'm a bit rubbish at asking for help and also what can anyone reasonably do? I've found her head of year and school nurse really helpful and supportive though, I don't feel as though my anxieties are unreasonable or hysterical when I talk to them and I feel less alone too.

I think she'll have to go into hospital though, she seems to be dwindling every day.

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Tamum · 08/10/2007 22:45

Are you anywhere near that place in North London (I think- something farm?) that sounds so good? I wish there was something I could do to help

dolally · 08/10/2007 22:46

I have no experience of this illness but it must be devastating for all involved.

ASK for help - maybe people don't realise you need it...as you say there's not that much anyone can do but maybe friends would come with you to the appointments...take some of the weight off yr shoulders?

shrooms · 08/10/2007 23:00

Sadly you can only do what you can do. It's normal to feel like you should be doing something, but as a parent all you can do is love them and support them. Which I'm sure you are doing anyway. Recovery has to come from inside them, so the means such as doctors and dieticians are important, but their desire to get better is paramount.

The place in north london is called Rhodes farm, and is extremely strict, but has a high success rate. Expensive though.
The bingeing story reaches home here, as Mum and I often had to pick up the peices after my sister would binge and purge. No, of course you can't deny her food, but perhaps make nutritious, high energy meals, and make a certain amount of food available to her, but lock up the remainder, as she can't go on draining your bank balance. Maybe she will learn that that is what is there, and no more, so if she does want to eat, she should eat with the family. If she purges, then sorry for being course, but at least it won't be so much wasted food as if she raided the cupboards.

Again, I am so sorry for what you are going through. No Mum should have to see their child starve. But take it one day at a time, one minute if neccessary, and let her see you as a friend, not an enemy, or someone to manipulate.
Keep talking to us! xxx

vacua · 08/10/2007 23:01

Do you mean Rhodes Farm? It's probably just what she needs and I could get there easily, maybe I could ask a friend to help me find out about funding etc. I've usually got it together but today I just can't think straight That sort of practical help would be good, you're right, I only have to ask. It's really nice to have someone listen so thanks, hopefully I'll wake up a bit more with it in the morning and can get something sorted.

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vacua · 08/10/2007 23:03

Thanks shrooms, I must have been typing very slowly to have missed your post - I really appreciate the advice and support. Will come back to it tomorrow.

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vacua · 09/10/2007 11:03

I feel a bit more able to do things today, I must try not to let myself get so tired Thanks everyone for your messages, they helped alot.

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lissiethevampireslayer · 09/10/2007 11:12

hi vacua. i have struggled with anorexia since i was a child and its a devestating illness. it becomes an addiction and destroys lives.

i think your daughter needs some time in hospital. she needs to see that what she is doing to herself (and to you) is serious. please CAT me if you want to talk offline (not really comfortable discussing my ED online tbh)

vacua · 09/10/2007 11:57

thanks lissie, it's not an easy thing to disclose is it? I'll sign up for CAT and hopefully get in touch, thanks x

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