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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

parents of teens with serious ED?

45 replies

vacua · 08/10/2007 14:00

could really use some support if anyone is around, help to access services especially as daughter not engaging with camhs and her weight is hovering around dangerously low level

OP posts:
lissiethevampireslayer · 09/10/2007 12:04

i can CAT you if you'd prefer, have you activated it?

lizziemun · 09/10/2007 13:49

vacua

I don't won't to put you off but i think rhodes farm is about £350 a week (SIL works there). Can you try and get you GP to refer her there.

vacua · 09/10/2007 14:23

£350 a day I think, not a week - head of year, form tutor and school nurse are saying 'just take her to A&E and get her admitted' but I'm dithering a bit

OP posts:
tortoiseSHELL · 09/10/2007 14:34

Hi vacua, just seen this, I'll try and read it and reply in more detail later, but I think the key to eds (from my experience anyway) is that it has to come from the sufferer. I'm no expert btw, just can talk from personal experience. Will try and write more later.

tortoiseSHELL · 09/10/2007 14:45

Ok, just read through this thread - can I ask you a few questions? The problem I see with having her admitted is that she isn't making the decision to seek help, so her weight could be boosted, but psychologically this could make her more determined to lose it when she came out, and compound the problem. So, a few questions...

Does she know that you know about her binging/purging? Are you able to discuss it with her?
Does she make herself sick, or use other forms of purging (eg laxatives?)
Does she want to 'lose' weight, or is she attempting to not gain weight after a binge?
Does she have any trigger foods?
Does she binge/purge at a certain time of day/certain situation - what triggers an episode? Is it routine or a reaction to a mood/event?
Are her friends aware of the situation?
Would she like to get in control of it, or is she 'happy' with it as it is?

lovey · 09/10/2007 18:15

Are you desperate to go this evening? I would go to my GP who would refer her to a clinic, and advise you on what to do. Ask her to come a visit your dd or take your dd to her? Would she be willing to go or absolutely refuse?-in which case I think getting your doc to visit would be the best. I'll be thinking of you...

vacua · 09/10/2007 20:28

We've been and are home, physically she seems to check out ok which is a relief although everything is as low as possible within the healthy range - pulse, body temperature and blood pressure for example. I just used today's weight to work out her BMI, it's 15. She did have several layers of clothing on though. So anyway it's back to CAMHS and hopefully they will be a bit more helpful this time.

Does she know that you know about her binging/purging? Are you able to discuss it with her? she knows I know but discussions don't flow easily
Does she make herself sick, or use other forms of purging (eg laxatives?) she makes herself sick
Does she want to 'lose' weight, or is she attempting to not gain weight after a binge? she denies wanting to lose weight
Does she have any trigger foods? I have no idea
Does she binge/purge at a certain time of day/certain situation - what triggers an episode? Is it routine or a reaction to a mood/event? it's just a daily event, several times a day - up to eight times
Are her friends aware of the situation? yes and it seems to confer a certain status upon her which is really unhelpful
Would she like to get in control of it, or is she 'happy' with it as it is? *she says she wants to get better but I don't think she means it, or by 'getting better' she probably means "maintain a very low weight and never binge again"

OP posts:
dolally · 09/10/2007 21:07

what did you go to this evening Vac, missed that part on the thread.

Anyway glad you're feeling a bit stronger today. Keep posting, there's so much experience and advice on here and if not, there's always a shoulder to lean on when you need to.

lissiethevampireslayer · 09/10/2007 21:21

its a common misconception that anorexia is about wanting to lose weight. its true that body image is an issue, but what can start off as a "cry for help" often becomes an addiction.

not eating feels good and in control. but lying about eating makes you feel guilty, so you loathe yourself for being unclean and weak, but not eating makes you feel good and in control.

it IS an addiction, just like alcoholism or drug addiction. your body produces enormous amounts of adrenaleine(sp) when your blood sugar level drops past a certain level and this is what your daughter is addicted to. im just saying this so that you understand better. anorexia is a very lonely illness for all involved, and i cant imagine what it must be like for you.

what happens now? have you contacted BEAT? what has your gp said?

vacua · 09/10/2007 21:22

I must have posted on the wrong thread , we went to A&E in a neighbouring trust (head of year and school nurse encouraged/advised me to take her there) only to find that the CAMHS teams for each area have joined forces anyway, so we can't see a different team.

It's really helped to have this support, thanks.

OP posts:
lissiethevampireslayer · 09/10/2007 21:23

how are you doing?

vacua · 09/10/2007 21:29

I was just emailing you! Thanks for asking, I feel pretty low to be honest, everything is such an uphill struggle but it was good to see that she is more or less ok physically as she looks so so ill.

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tortoiseSHELL · 09/10/2007 22:55

vacua, I'm glad she seems ok physically.

The reason I asked you those questions is because, ime someone binging and purging is feeling 'out of control' and aspires to be 'in control' - so it is much more like bulimia than anorexia - in which case, if there is a trigger that sets her off, perhaps you can change that situation - so for example, if it was me, it would be being alone in the house in the afternoon, so perhaps change that scenario so she isn't, or perhaps it's when she gets home from school - maybe you and she could make a regular thing that you do. Or perhaps it's certain foods - so don't have them in the house, have 'healthy' foods in the fridge - easily eatable things like carrots ready cut into sticks, grapes, cheese cubes etc, so she may not feel the fullness and need to purge.

THe status thing among friends is a total bugger. It is often like that and is a real nightmare - bizarrely I think it is often because they too would 'like' the kudos of an ed.

From what you've said she really does sound like a 'low weight bulimic' rather than an anorexic - when I was a student I was borderline anorexic, and although I didn't ever make myself sick, I would purge in other ways, but always with a minute food intake. The thing with anorexia is control - controlling your food intake, I think bulimia is like fulfilling a need for something, and then guilt overtakes you. My bf had bulimia (we were a good pair!).

tortoiseSHELL · 09/10/2007 22:55

CAT me if you like btw!

tortoiseSHELL · 10/10/2007 19:17

How are things today vacua? Hope you're feeling better about things.

vacua · 10/10/2007 21:03

hi tortoiseshell and thanks, I do feel a bit better today thanks - I must stop hoping that she can be sent away and come back fixed , I'm not horrible it's just already been a few years and I need to get used to the idea that this could be even longer term before something changes.

OP posts:
lissiethevampireslayer · 11/10/2007 16:54

its totally understandable, how are you feeling today?

vacua · 11/10/2007 20:22

I've had a good day thanks, except I ruined it by going to her room to check that she wasn't being sick after supper. She hit me and scratched me and swore at me when I snatched a plastic bag from her (she wasn't being sick but I think she did subsequently ). It's so hard to know whether to intervene or not, she really screamed at me for 'invading every area of her life'

Thanks for asking though, hope you are ok x

OP posts:
dolally · 11/10/2007 21:59

poor vac, I really wish I could help. Is there a support group for the families of patients?

I'll keep watching this thread, you're in my thoughts. Keep strong and hugs for you both.

lissiethevampireslayer · 12/10/2007 11:10

oh dear. i spoke to my counsellor yesterday and he suggested that you contact your local eating distress team directly. call the mental health team and they will put you through. can you contact BEAT as well, they will be able to point you in the direction of a local support group.

im thinking of you.

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