Partner and son don't get on

[DebbieSWFC]

My DS is 15 next month and is addicted to his PS4. He does play cricket and football and has a few friends which he goes out with when he can be bothered. My partner says he is the rudest spoiled child he has ever known. He picks at everything like if ds walks into the room and doesn't speak or if he asks me to get him a drink or asks me to cook tea. It is really getting me down because ds is now wanting to be with his dad more and I feel like I am losing him. I am feeling very down and get accused of been weak and too soft on him. Partner gets angry if I try and reason with him and says I am sticking up for "the spoiled little brat". He will have times when he won't speak to ds because of his behaviour and has now stopped eating and started drinking because of the stress. He does have a stressful job which makes it worse

My mum's partner kicked me out when they bought a house together, the first night I was there (aged 15). It's taken my mum and I a long long time to fix that relationship and I know it will never be perfect. Put your child first.

My first thought was WTF is wrong with you, this pos is abusing your son and you're allowing it. Then I made myself read the rest of your posts to see if it got better... It didn't and I stand by my initial thoughts

I've just watched The Gabriel Fernandez Trials on Netflix so it's hit a nerve but essentially a mother who abused and allowed her partner to kill her son (not comparing you to that but you should never allow anyone to hurt your child)

he won't speak to ds because of his behaviour and has now stopped eating and started drinking because of the stress.

he drinks because he wants too... no other reason... OP get this scum out of you and your child's home fast !? 🌺

dp moved in with us and we shared the rent.

Is he on the lease?

Why is your 15 year old asking you to make his drinks and asking where his tea is? I'd be thinking that was a tad rude too? 🤷‍♀️

How does your son ask for things like a drink and dinner, I only ask because my friends 15 year old does this but is so rude when he asks, he would never get away with asking me in the same way.

He also refuses to do his breakfast and waits until my friend wakes up and then moans he is hungry.

@ivfdreaming didn’t see your post, must admit I thought the same!

I tell him I love him all the time and I will do something about this because he is the most important thing in my life and I am not about to lose him

I’d say your time is running out. Your son will make that decision soon.

When you say that you would owe him money that he put into the car, can you explain that and who’s name is the car in? What way are your finances and what does he pay towards? Is his name on the lease?

LTB.

I’d say your time is running out. Your son will make that decision soon

This.

Ffs OP. Get the rotten cnut out of your lives. Until then, when he picks on your poor son, tell him no fucking way is that acceptable. I can tell you now, if anyone spoke to my DC like that, they'd have my foot up their arse and their shit in black bin bags on the tip.

Do NOT let him alienate your son because trust me, your son will never forgive you. Men can come and go. Your son should be the only one you would do anything for. The only one.

My best friend had this with her mums partner.

My best friend then moved out to live with her dad and her and her mum still don't speak due to said controlling partner getting their own way back then.
It has continued.

Ditch him or lose your child I'd say.

Sod the car money it's more
Important

First time he talked about any child like that he would have been out the door.

@Pollypocket89 I think the comparison is very fair. I am doing something about it now.

@Pollypocket89 that should have said not very fair

If your son is 15 then it is your responsibility to look after him, but I have sneaky feeling that he knows there is a situation and plays up to it.

I mean he is 15 and asks you to get him a drink ?? OP .. and you jump up and do it ? I can understand why your partner gets miffed, but only you can decide if the relationship is worth saving here.

Better to be sat playing on his PlayStation than wondering the streets or getting into trouble. I think your DP is using this as an excuse.

@DebbieSWFC perhaps a Freudian slip?

I'm glad you're doing something about it, but unless that's get the man who's abusing your son out of his life today, I don't think it's good enough.

You'll also have the ability to read I said 'I'm not comparing you' to that programme

@Anordinarymum I fully admit ds is not an angel as with most kids but when he asked for a drink it was a one off. He makes his own breakfast and lunch, he gets his own drinks and snacks so he doesn't wait for me to do these things for him

I was your Ds for a long time. I didnt have anywhere to go otherwise I would've been gone as soon as I could. As is i considered the streets a few times.

Being a teen is hard and if hes genuinely rude you could address that but if you're only doing it because dp says it will breed resentment. Your Ds already knows he isnt liked in his own home and those feelings will likely stay with him for years.

My Dm did leave her partner after deciding he was abusive towards her, no consideration for how I'd been treated for years at all. She just blamed it all on the abuse.

I've never managed to really see her as a Dm ever since, we're actually Nc now because I'm just not interested in having the kind of relationship she wants. She wants to be friends but the fact is I'll never trust her again.

You don't have to choose between them but you do need to make sure your DS is safe and loved in his home. If you must stay with dp why not move out and only see Dp when DS is at dads and live separately.

So there is an adult in the house who speaks rudely to the OP, is threatening to bad-mouth her to his friends, and who has taken to drink- but quite a few posters are still suggesting that the OP should focus on whether her son is rude?

What kind of behaviour do you reckon is being modelled by the dp?

OP, I think you already know what you have to do. It may be difficult but you have to see to your ds' wellbeing. You could of course follow the second suggestion of CarelessSquid and let your ds go to his dad while you stay but you would be stuck with a charmless irritable drunkard, and I don't for a moment believe that his behaviour would get any better just because your ds is out of the way. And your ds would remember that that is what you chose.

Oh no I meant chuck Dp out and only see each other outside of the home or when Ds is at Dads.

@DebbieSWFC you don't have to justify your normal teenagers behaviour. Don't rise to it.

apologies CarelessSquid, see what you mean