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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

School will not stop DC leaving building

56 replies

Redredgreen · 23/08/2020 04:20

My DD doesn’t like some of her classes, and skips them with her friend. I know this is bad and have obviously spoken to her about it. The school know. However, they seem to have no strategy for stopping it. They seem unable and unwilling to stop her leaving the building. I am very worried about her safety - she is 14 but looks younger. The school say the doors have to be open in case there’s a fire and they can’t keep an eye on them all, so they can’t stop the kids leaving. Outside school hours I always know where she is and I don’t know how they can be so blasé about it. I have spoken to school (guidance and Head) often about this. I hoped she/they might be better after lockdown, but no. Is this a normal school reaction to pupils wandering off? Is there anything I can try to make them take this more seriously? I’m not over-reacting, am I?

OP posts:

nasiisthebest · 23/08/2020 04:34

I'm not sure what they can do tbh. I sympathize, one of my nephews tends to leave and go home when things are hard for him socially (asd). It's worrying but they can't lock them up or tie them down.

CrazylazyJane · 23/08/2020 05:01

I'm sorry? "You can't lock them in?"

Yes you can. I'm a teacher and we electronically close the school gates during school hours, partly to stop unwanted people coming in and but also to stop the kids going walkabout.

The school has a duty of care towards your child and that extends to not letting them roam the streets truanting.

NCTDN · 23/08/2020 08:03

My DCs school doesn't allow anyone to leave in school hours without being signed out. As pp, the gates and reception door are electronically locked but would automatically open if there was a fire.
Surely school gates and gates being open is a safeguarding issue?

SnowsInWater · 23/08/2020 08:29

Of course they need to have systems/strategies in place to stop the kids leaving the grounds. I can't believe a school can be that slack. You should also put consequences in place for her truanting though.

Original poster

Redredgreen · 24/08/2020 00:52

Thank you so much for replying. I don’t want to punish her too hard for various reasons, partly because I feel like this is between her and the school, partly because if I do she might stop telling me where she is if I phone, so then nobody will know where she is (we’re close to a big city so that could be a lot of places). Mainly I’m worried about something happening to her when she’s out. The school say it is impossible to keep them in. They’ve previously said they will phone me if they notice she’s gone, but they don’t. Crazylazyjane if they have a duty of care, is there any way for me to make them act like it? If I don’t send her to school I could get fined, but they seem to be able to just shrug and say sorry, nothing we can do?

OP posts:

Titsywoo · 24/08/2020 00:57

You think that your child truanting is between her and the school? Seriously? I'd be adding some sort of tracking to her phone and coming down incredibly hard on her.

Original poster

Redredgreen · 25/08/2020 01:24

If she thinks her phone is tracked she might just switch it off. Her sibling has her on snapmaps though. I don’t think coming down on her hard will help get to the bottom of why she wants to miss school. I had another conversation with the school today but they still say there’s obviously no way they can keep the kids in if they want to leave. I don’t get how I can be fined if I don’t get her to school but they can just let her out again as soon as she gets there without any consequences.

OP posts:

premiumshoes · 25/08/2020 01:30

As a parent I think you have to accept a certain level of responsibility here. You can't blame school for your child walking out.

CrazylazyJane · 25/08/2020 05:53

In answer to your question OP, you need to ask them what happened to their duty of care? It’s a well known term with in school settings and refers to a school’s responsibility to ensure your child is safe whilst at or supposed to be at school.

I understand what you’re saying as well and I agree with your approach towards your daughter’s truanting. If you round down hard on her she’ll likely get more and more secretive about a her whereabouts. However, you do have a responsibility to get to the bottom of why she’s walking out of school and school should be trying to do the same. Her walking the streets if a big safeguarding issue and that would be my worry that while she’s not in school, she incredibly vulnerable.

If it’s any comfort, my sister was a persistent truant, all through Year 9 to Year 11. She’s now a high school teacher herself

WeAllHaveWings · 25/08/2020 07:56

If she thinks her phone is tracked she might just switch it off.

If she switches it off she doesn't get a phone.

I don’t want to punish her too hard for various reasons, partly because I feel like this is between her and the school

No, it is 3 way with the main responsibility on you and your dd. She is 14, the school cannot physically restrain her from leaving, but they should inform you when she does so you can then deal with it. They should know whenever they do the register (our school does them in every class, some only do them morning or afternoon).

It is tough, but it is your responsibility to get to the bottom of this, working with the support of the school, and resolve or give consequences as appropriate. Wasting time/energy trying to convince the school they are responsible to fix this is not in your dd's best interests.

SmellsLikeAHamsterCage · 25/08/2020 07:57

Ask them how they stop unwanted people getting in? If they can't, then there's a potential that a paedophile could get in, which would be a serious safeguarding issue. I'd take it to the board of governors.

itsgettingweird · 25/08/2020 07:59

@CrazylazyJane

I'm sorry? "You can't lock them in?"

Yes you can. I'm a teacher and we electronically close the school gates during school hours, partly to stop unwanted people coming in and but also to stop the kids going walkabout.

The school has a duty of care towards your child and that extends to not letting them roam the streets truanting.

Ds has just left but his school also has this system.

Oblomov20 · 25/08/2020 08:02

I disagree with most and think your focus is wrong. I appreciate school has a duty of care, and I always attack schools that don't provide this. But I really think you need to focus on your dd. This is simply not ok and she needs to take responsibility. Does she have any SN? What is her response when you sit down and talk to her about why? Her actions, consequences. I think you need to try to get to the core problem with your dd.

FippertyGibbett · 25/08/2020 08:03

This is a safeguarding issue, if the kids can get out then anyone can get in.
All the schools round here have a high fence all the way around the school. You either have to buzz at the gate or front door to get in.

FlySheMust · 25/08/2020 08:07

You child is your responsibility. If children want to leave they will find a way, even with electronic gates and doors.

You need to parent your child and not blame the school for her behaviour. Give her consequences and carry . She will get away with it as long as you let her.

TheFallenMadonna · 25/08/2020 08:18

Schools do not need to be fenced. The governors will be aware that the school isn't fenced. Are there safeguarding reasons why your DD is at risk outside school? I work with vulnerable children, and for our most vulnerable, we call the police when they leave the school without agreement. If you are concerned, ask for a risk assessment to be done, with your input. I also think you need to address this with your DD yourself.

Greenandcabbagelooking · 25/08/2020 08:26

Is there a way your DD could have a time out card? Something is clearly preventing her from being is lessons. At my school, a time out card can be shown to the teacher and allows the student to leave the room for a few moments to calm down. If the student is still anxious/upset/overwhelmed after a short time, they can go to a named place/person such as their Head of Year.

This all of course assumes a deeper reason for the skiving, rather than just typical teenager “nah, can’t be arsed with Geography today”.

itsgettingweird · 25/08/2020 08:40

I agree.

If she isnt able to stay in school then there is an issue in school.

They need to address this.

These things need to be worked out between school and parents to come up with a solution.

HM1984 · 25/08/2020 08:45

I know someone who had an issue with the school on a a similar matter, they sent a strongly worded email to the Head and Ofsted and matter was "investigated" as top priority (the next morning), parents invited in the next afternoon to discuss next steps to combat behaviour etc. I would suggest you do the same too.

Whilst the school cannot physically restrain the kids, they can lock the gates for safeguarding. They are exposing the children to potential threats and dangers.

Punxsutawney · 25/08/2020 08:53

Anyone can walk in or out of Ds's secondary school, there is no fencing and all doors are unlocked all day. Quite often when Ds has left for an appointment there is no-one on reception to even notice who is coming in or going out.

Their safeguarding as a whole is very poor though. I tested them when Ds was ill last academic year and had a least 3 separate days off. I didn't inform them he wouldn't be in school as I was interested to see if they would follow up his absence as their pastoral care had been very poor. Not once on any of those days did anyone contact to find out where Ds was. He has SEN and mental health difficulties and they were not concerned in the slightest about his whereabouts.

ScrapThatThen · 25/08/2020 08:53

So you want the school to come down hard on her but you won't?
It's ok to have locked gates for pupil security but I doubt it is ok to refuse to let a child with capacity leave as this would be deprivation of liberty (whether she is capacitous at 14 is another matter).
I wonder, OP, reading between the lines, if your anxiety for her might be backfiring? Does she perhaps feel stifled? But not held (because you worry about alienating her)? I suggest you and the school and your daughter have regular meetings to discuss her needs and the plan.

hedgehoglurker · 25/08/2020 08:54

Is it a school with a 6th Form? I can understand the need for locked gates at Primary, but I'd be surprised to see them at Secondary schools.
I hope you manage to work out a solution together with your DD and the school.

Comefromaway · 25/08/2020 08:58

Not all schools can have fences. Ds’s previous school was split site. Most school buildings are buzzer entry doors but they have to be able to be easily opened from the inside.

I wouldn’t expect a staff member to be responsible fir physically trying to prevent a child leaving but if one did abscond I would expect parents/police to be called.

Pringlemonster · 25/08/2020 09:07

Our school is the same as crazy lady janes school
Not even allowed out at lunch time

SleeplessWB · 25/08/2020 09:47

A secondary school cannot physically stop a child leaving - I have seen students scale a 10ft high fence to get out - if they want to go they will, but they should inform you as soon as she leaves. However, I would suggest that you and her need to take some responsibility for this - she is old enough to understand that she can't just go wandering off when she feels like it.

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