How do I convince my stepdad that I'm not lying to him?

[Kyle19]

I was invited over to my sister's house last night, just because her and her friend were bored and they had no-one to talk to. I went over there, played some games with them, had a drink, then went to bed. I got home this evening and my stepdad asked me how many drinks I had whilst I was there. I told him I had one gin and lemonade, but he doesn't believe that I had only one drink in the four hours that I was there during the evening. I only had one as I had already been to the pub and had a fair bit (he knew about this). I have previous form for lying and that's why he doesn't believe me now but I don't know how to prove that in that respect I've learned from my mistakes. My mum believes me so now it's causing problems between them which is the last thing I want but one thing I won't do is change my story. He wanted the truth and that's what he's getting, he just refuses to believe it. How do I get him to?

Unfortunately for you, if you lie to people they tend not to believe you when you tell the truth. Sucks. But so does lying, so...

I would just leave it, to be honest. He asked you a question and you answered it. His relationship with your mum is between them and you can't help out there. He either believes you or doesn't. But it's best to be honest as you seem to realise now. You can't make people believe you, unfortunately.

You can’t. 🤷‍♀️
The whole ‘Peter and the Wolf’ thing. Let it go. You have to build trust over time, not demand it on the one occasion you are telling the truth.
You reap what you sow, etc etc.
All of the platitudes apply. Just say sorry for all the other times, don’t freak out about being believed this time. The end.

Unless you’re an alcoholic it doesn’t even matter how many drinks you had. This is just a power trip. Ignore it if you want to stay or use it as an excuse to leave if you want to go

If you’re old enough to drink, then it’s none of his bloody business how much you’ve had to drink. Ok, so you’ve lied in the past, but how serious were the lies and how long ago? Can you give some context please?

@Honeybobbin

Are you 19, like your username? If so it's not his business how much you drank.

I totally agree with the poster who said don't get involved in their arguments, even if they're about you.

No I'm 18. Used the number 19 as I made the account last year.

@LillianBland

If you’re old enough to drink, then it’s none of his bloody business how much you’ve had to drink. Ok, so you’ve lied in the past, but how serious were the lies and how long ago? Can you give some context please?

The lies before were also about how much I had had to drink (this was after I had turned 18). He found out the truth before when he forced me to show him my online banking

@SonEtLumiere

He doesn’t want The Truth, he wants you and your Mum to know that he is Billy Big Balls.

Turn it round on him: where’s his proof? Will he apologise for ranting on for hours when your sister and friend confirm it? Tell him you pity him the shit that obviously goes on in his head.

I did ask him where his proof was but he just said "where's your's?"

I just checked with my sister to ask her how many drinks I had (without telling her about the confrontation) and she said I had one so then I showed him the message but he wasn't interested. He doesn't trust her or my friend. He thinks we just came up with a bullshit plan

He made you show him your online banking?! You are 18 you are an adult he has no right to do that to you at all.

He really is a disgusting bully, isn’t he. Why did he force you to show him your online banking and what’s your mother doing while he behaves like this.

Btw, all teenagers lie. It’s part of finding their place in the word and navigating between childhood and adulthood. You’re closer to the adult stage now, so hopefully you won’t feel the need. How long has he been with your mother and what’s your relationship like with him generally?

Op whats going on here really? Your stepdad sounds abusive if he wants to see your bank account and tells you as an 18 year old adult you cant drink and dictates your life in such a weird way.

@SonEtLumiere

He doesn’t want The Truth, he wants you and your Mum to know that he is Billy Big Balls.

Turn it round on him: where’s his proof? Will he apologise for ranting on for hours when your sister and friend confirm it? Tell him you pity him the shit that obviously goes on in his head.

Yes, because that's totally going to sort out all their problems.

If you've lied before, the only way you can convince him you're not lying going forward is to consistently ... not lie. Eventually, your actions will convince him. There is no quick getfix to this, except to prove yourself consistently reliable.

@LillianBland

He really is a disgusting bully, isn’t he. Why did he force you to show him your online banking and what’s your mother doing while he behaves like this.

Btw, all teenagers lie. It’s part of finding their place in the word and navigating between childhood and adulthood. You’re closer to the adult stage now, so hopefully you won’t feel the need. How long has he been with your mother and what’s your relationship like with him generally?

They have been together 8 years now, married for 3. Quite often our relationship is excellent, we talk about football loads, he was actually only talking about booking tickets for us to go to a match last night. Sometimes I just unintentionally piss him off. I came back from a holiday with my dad, just wanted to go to bed as I was so tired. I walked past him in the front garden (didn't even notice he was there at first as I was half asleep), said hi to my mum and went straight to bed. When I went back down he said he thought it was rude of me to just walk past without speaking to him. I tried to say sorry and explain that I was so tired that I didn't even know he was there but he wasn't interested

The question is, what does he think it would "prove" if you had two drinks, or six, or none?
In reality, nothing. He's just a bully, taking the opportunity to call you a liar and make a big drama.
I'm really sorry for you.
Try to find a way to get independent and out of that house as soon as possible.

He still sounds like a pathetic bully. I bet he’s really nice when everybody is dancing to his tune, but a complete arse if he doesn’t get his own why or has a perceived slight. Why did he demand to see your account?

@WitchenKitch

The question is, what does he think it would "prove" if you had two drinks, or six, or none? In reality, nothing. He's just a bully, taking the opportunity to call you a liar and make a big drama. I'm really sorry for you. Try to find a way to get independent and out of that house as soon as possible.

I really can't. My mum is just recovering from a lifesaving operation, so her and my 4 young siblings need looking after when he goes to work

Are you a man? Some stepdads can’t cope with another male in the house. Don’t ask me why. It’ll be something to do with the Billy Big Balls idea mentioned above. He probably feels threatened by you.

And if you’re a woman, he’s still feeling threatened by you because you’re an adult and he can’t control you.
Difficult situation.

Is he worried about your drinking?

One of the signs that someone has a problem with alcohol is that they lie about their useage. It sounds like you had quite a lot to drink yesterday?

@LillianBland

He still sounds like a pathetic bully. I bet he’s really nice when everybody is dancing to his tune, but a complete arse if he doesn’t get his own why or has a perceived slight. Why did he demand to see your account?

I went on a date with a girl and I was planning to eat but she didn't want to so obviously it would've been wrong of me to have a meal. I was absolutely starving by the time I got home so I just got some bits out the freezer and chucked them in the oven. He got mad because he had just got home from work and tidied up the kitchen and I was putting the oven on (obviously I was going to leave the kitchen exactly as it was when I walked in). Then he asked me how many drinks I had (I had 4) I told him two as I wasn't sure how he'd react if I told him the truth. He didn't believe me but he just left it at that for the night and went to bed. Then the next morning he asked to see my online banking. He said it's because he and my mum are the only ones in the house with jobs (my mum said I don't have to pay rent until I leave college and get a job). So technically they were paying for the alcohol

No I don't think I drink a right lot. But his mum was an alcoholic and even he's scared of ending up the same. Might have something to do with it I suppose.

I had been with friends in the pub watching football all day. Yes, I had a lot to drink before I went to my sisters but I was perfectly sober

Okay, this might sound insensitive but hear me out - don't let guilt trap you in an abusive situation.

Your parents are adults, who have made their own life decisions, and you get to have your own life.
Lots of families deal with medical problems and small children without having an 18 year old constantly on hand to look after them - they sort things out and find other solutions.
There is a reasonable amount of help you can give people - for example, as an independent adult, checking in on your Mum regularly, taking the younger kids out sometimes - and an unreasonable amount - putting up with abuse, putting your life on hold.

It’s none of his business.