Punishments for drugs/alcohol

[Jilliangrace]

I know this forum might only be for parents but I have an important topic I'd like to get some insight and advice on. I just turned 17 and me and my mom have been struggling a for years. I wont lie, I'm not the best child out there, I struggle with mental health and have been through many high schools till I found one that worked for me. I occasionally drink or smoke seed and I have a record of lying to my mom. I'm not proud of it but I have always felt so held back by her helicopter parenting and strictness. Although my mom has reasons to worry I have been doing really good the past year or so (according to everyone except my mom) I have a job, I go to school and I'm working on getting my license! Anyways, about three weeks ago my mom finally let me out to see friends (I had to push her on it alotttt) me and about four or five other friends went to the beach to hangout for the day. I didn't plan to drink but one of my friends pulled out some alcohol and I decided to have a few drinks! I was not trashed, not even close... but when I got home my mom said she could smell alcohol on me, and I also came home 10/15 mins past curfew (my phone had died but I didn't plan on being late) long story short we got into a brawl and I have been fully grounded for the past 3 weeks.... is this normal? My other friends mom found out she drank but only grounded her for a few days before she was aloud out again! I had my phone taken away too the first few days... it's been three weeks and this past week I have been bugging my mom on when I can go out again... and she said she has no clue but she won't let me out until we have multiple "family talks" with my counsellor (which could take weeks) is my mom doing the right thing? I know I shouldn't be drinking and I take full responsibility for that... I know it's my fault but why do I feel like it's so unfair? Why do I feel so mad at my mother? I miss my friends, it's summer break and corona cases are very low where I live (BC, Canada)

@Jilliangrace

Yes I totally understand that 100% I deserve some sort of consequence. It has now been over 30 days since I’ve been aloud out with any friends and since that situation happened. My question to mothers isn’t whether or not I made a mistake, it’s so u think it’s reasonable my mother has kept me in this long because of that mistake.

Wow. I actually amazed how compliant you can be when you want to. First I agree with everyone above about breaking the trust and that you deserve consequences, as sever as you mum finds suitable. Sorry! Its called tough love. Comes from a good place! But I am amazed you are staying home, not running away and actually taking on the consequences fully, serving your full term. My DS at 15 misbehave, brake trust on a daily basis, does whatever the hell he want, completely disrespectful and break every role we ever agreed on mutually!! If I say he is grounded, he maybe will take it on for one day but the next day his out! Nothing I can do to stop him. Confiscated his phone, he's getting 0 money but he does not give a shit. Interested to know what keeps you home? What are you scared of losing?

If your mother thinks a month of grounding is reasonable, then it's probably reasonable. If I were a mother to a teenager who did drugs, I would punish my child much harsher. One month of staying inside and reflecting isn't that bad.

Sorry OP whilst I appreciate you thinks it's harsh. Your mum is teaching you a valuable lesson. Good parenting on her part

Next time you're in the situation with your friends where you might be tempted you'll think twice because is that drink/joint worth staying in another month for.

Just say no until you're older

I use to drink in parks when I was 15 I'm mortified now

Are you my dd?

Your post from 21 Aug:
"I’ve been grounded over a month now for coming home smelling like alcohol. Ofc i feel it’s unfair because I’m a teenager but it just doesn’t feel effective at all at this point!"
and...
(your Mom) "said she has no clue but she won't let me out until we have multiple "family talks" with my counsellor (which could take weeks)"

Firstly: You thought that you were harmlessly smelling of alcohol and home about 20 minutes late because your phone died. Sometimes - quite often in fact - people of absolutely any age who have been drinking think that they are acting much more sober than they are. It's usually their perception of this that is impaired due to the alcohol, not the observer's who hasn't been drinking. Have you really never seen this for yourself in other people when you have been around them and they are drinking more than you? In other words, your Mom was not happy with the state you were in. She probably wasn't fine with it that this was not the first time and that you're only just 17 and under age. But 17 is definitely old enough to make your own mind up, and reduce the incidences of fuck-ups, no? You're working on your license, so this is also a good reason to think very carefully about drink and drugs as there are plenty of laws around driving. Better to get into good habits rather than what you think you can get away with. You fuck up withi drinking there...you will really fuck up.

Grounding = effective, perhaps not as a punishment but as a way to keep you away from the (now less trusted by your family) friends who pull out alcohol when you see them, and you're not choosing to say no to them. Also will give your Mom more peace of mind if she isn't ready to trust you or friends, so she's giving herself the break for now.

2. She wants family talks to move on. This could go well for you, depends on what's discussed and what you all think about freedoms. It could take weeks. Yes it could. So if you want to repair the situation the message you are getting is that you'll have to be patient.

You might have done wrong but if you've had mental health issues then I think the worst thing she could do is stop you from seeing your friends. I do know exactly how you feel and I know it's not nice. I guess older people don't really have a lot of empathy for younger people nowadays and the other way round too. I started drinking at around 15/16 and my Mum let me start drinking at home at that age as she wanted me to learn what my tolerances were so I didn't go drinking myself silly all the time once I turned 18. Yeah I made a few mistakes and my Mum was mad with me but at least I learned from them, maybe you will too

Also, with regards to your mental health issues, you should be really careful about alcohol/drugs as this can cause them/make them worse