DD struggles with periods

[RosiePosie15]

Hi, I’m new here so I hope this is in the right place. DD16 has been struggling with her periods for over two years now, regularly throwing up and missing school plus fainting once or twice. I’ve usually made her go in to school for yr11 but now she doesn’t have to, she just lays in bed most of the day when on. We’ve gone to the doctors several times over the last year and are now on a third treatment. The thing is I think she’s after some sort of miracle cure. I keep telling her that’s she’s just going to have to tough it out but she always gets super defensive. She takes a lot of painkillers too because she says the pain is unbearable. She’s also developed toasted skin syndrome from hot water bottle usage but she refuses to give it up. When I was 19/20 my periods were bad so I took the pill and have stuck with it since (with some obvious breaks to have kids). Is there anything I can do?

The best support you can give her us being an advocate in a world that shakes females for experiencing any kind of ill based on their biology.

And a world which, for the most part, aims to gaslight girls/women into thinking their imagining symptoms which impinge in them serving capitalism/men.

She’s next due an appointment late in September (hopefully they’ll actually see her) so do I wait until then and give this new pill a chance?

If this was my daughter I wouldn’t wait. Get a GP phone call and insist on a referral. It’s not normal and if there is something underlying she won’t grow out of it. She can be on the new pill whilst waiting for the referral. Even if the pill does help, I think she does need a scan to check for any conditions which are causing the pain.

Is there any chance that you could get her seen privately? You shouldn’t have to but she will be seen much quicker and all necessary checks will be done.

Is the coil something young women would use (before children I mean, it is very intrusive). It changed my life massively regarding period bleeding, I had ten day long periods and was at my wits end.

However I don't feel I was impacted as much as your daughter appears to be. One person who I know suffered as much as your daughter is my sister. Until she became pregnant and at her first scan they realised she had two wombs.

Your daughter needs referred for an ultrasound to see if there's anything at all there creating this problem that won't just go away as the gps and nurses so often tell you.

if this was my daughter I wouldn’t wait. Get a GP phone call and insist on a referral. It’s not normal and if there is something underlying she won’t grow out of it. She can be on the new pill whilst waiting for the referral. Even if the pill does help, I think she does need a scan to check for any conditions which are causing the pain.
This. 100%.

Just want to pop in and say she has to be careful with her use of hot water bottles - they are fine to use but not too hot!
Google erythema ab igne and look at the pictures, she should be avoiding heat that causes her skin to look like that.
It increases your risk of cancer (though please don't worry about that! I just thought you should know)
Good luck to you and her in finding a way to manage this

Unfortunately I think we just don’t have the money to go private right now. I had a conversation with DD about your comment @HookShot but she doesn’t like the idea of having the coil. She also said she feels like something is wrong and wants to know what. It also turns out she’s been doing a lot of research herself and is concerned that she has endometriosis, but I’ve heard that it can take several years to get diagnosed. I do feel a bit like a terrible mum now because I didn’t realise how much this was affecting her, I guess I thought she was overreacting (she is a bit of a drama queen at times). Does anyone have any experience with getting a referral? I’m thinking she needs some relief before she starts sixth form in September

@Broomfondle DD showed me it one time and it looked awful, no wonder she won’t wear crop tops like lots of other girls do. I’ve tried to explain to her the risks but she gets defensive, saying that it’s the only thing she can feel helping. Am I right in thinking it could lead to permanent scaring? I’d hate that for her. When she first told me I did some research and I found that the only way to help it was to avoid contact with heat sources such as hot water bottles for several months, which DD says she cannot do. I don’t want to be cruel and take it away from her but I’m concerned about her health. I just hope that if the pain gets better she’ll stop using her hot water bottle

For starters show her some empathy and compassion!

She's clearly having a worse time than you did! Not everyone is the same.

Secondly use that empathy and compassion and some anger too to get her a referral to a gynaecologist. Which it sounds like she's never had?

So the gp has merely been "treating" the symptoms and not very well?

I was stuck on the pill - as so many are - which in most cases merely masks the problem until the patient then ttc at which point they then often go through the heartbreak of infertility/infant loss before finally getting a dx

I have endo which went undx for 14 years and lost 3 babies due to the woeful lack of support for girls and women suffering from gynae conditions.

It still takes a rough average of 10 years for sufferers of the main conditions to get a dx let alone find adequate treatment.

From her symptoms I suspect endo here too - but I could be wrong.

She NEEDS to see a gynaecologist! Endo rarely shows up on a scan unless very extensive and in the uterine area (it can be anywhere in the body I've even got some on my heart and lungs)

Wow! You've not even seen a dr about this? Why?! If she was suffering to this extent with any other bodily system I'm guessing you'd be pushing for better dx and treatment - remove your internalised misogyny and get her the help she needs!

I’m really surprised that they haven’t investigated PCOS or endometriosis I'm not! Sufferers are frequently fobbed off, get tranexamic acid, decent painkillers and put on pill IF they're relatively lucky!

Don't wait until September it can take months to get a specialist appointment and that's if you've a decent gp who's happy to refer (and they're generally very reluctant - it impacts them financially)

At least get the ball rolling before she starts back at school as that seems to be your main concern

Re hot water bottles - I found heat gave a little relief but that actually a cold filled hot water bottle (if that makes sense?) helped more as the pain was really caused by heat and inflammation but also NOT directly against the skin.

Poor girl my teenage years and young adulthood were terrible too, as you describe, very much like labour pains. I am much better now I have had children but day one is still quite painful. I find if I start taking painkillers from the first twinge rather than letting them build I am able to cope a little better.
I was put on the pill but still had pain to the point of nausea.
No endo or PCO here.

@Graphista She’s never seen her gp, a doctor or gynaecologist about it since every time I made an appointment for her, she’s always been sent to a nurse/nurse practitioner. There’s been no talk about referrals either. I feel awful for not pushing this earlier but at what point does normal for her turn to not normal at all? I think both her and myself feel failed by the surgery

@Graphista Also thank you for the suggestion about the cold hot water bottle, I’ll tell DD to give it a try

I'd definitely push for a referral since it's unlikely to go away magically. As pps have said, she can keep trying this pill while waiting, and she'll have to wait for a referral appointment to come through anyway. Poor girl must be awful. I also wouldn't push her to do things on those days. I second the cool pack, heat feels nice but it can actually amplify the blood loss unfortunately, something cool calms it down a bit. If she's losing a lot of blood (I'm inferring from the tranexamic acid) has she had her iron levels checked? Best of luck supporting her through this journey.

See a GP, not a nurse if you feel you're not getting any answers. if you and your daughter agree and there's no reason not to, the pill or implant could help her massively.

@marmitelover13 She‘s never had her iron levels checked, which surprised me especially because she’s had a couple of fainting/dizzy spells. I haven’t pushed this since DD detests needles and hasn’t been keen on having them tested, but I’m sure she would’ve gone through with it if it was suggested, however it wasn’t. Instead, I’ve just tried to make sure she eats lots of iron rich foods.

I am sorry but you have to be pushier and investigate this further...not expect her just to 'tough it up'.

I had heavy and painful periods from the start and it turned out I had endometriosis and adenomyosis. The pill and something called Tranexamic Acid were prescribed to control the pain and bleeding and it work for quite a while but in the end I had to have a partial hysterectomy.

Several GPs dismissed my symptoms for years claiming that 'periods are meant to be painful'...

Don't let doctors fob you off and make sure your daughter gets the right tests to find out what is going on.

If nothing has worked so far she needs to see gynae consultant. If her period affect her life to that extent she something has to be done.

The implant made mine really light but irregular. I switched to the depo shot and they've now stopped completely. I was also not keen on the coil but there are other options that may help x

If the GP is refusing to do a blood test - do ask them - you might consider a finger prick postal test (e.g. Thriva), I do this every 3 months to check my iron (ferritin) levels as much easier than arguing with the GP, waiting forever for a nurse appointment, and having to be late for work when they give a crappy appointment time etc.

Please don’t say anything more about toughing it out! Its truly horrendous when you are suffering. It blighted my teenage years and my Mum bless her just didn’t understand. She needs you to push and push for her, be her advocate and her friend and do anything you can to stop it spoiling what should be a carefree time in her life.

P.s. if she's actually anemic, all the spinach and steak isn't going to sort it. Even things like Spatone have a tiny amount of iron in. She'd need to get proper advice and a prescription though, as it can be dangerous to take too much iron if it's not needed. Best of luck.

I’ll definitely be pushier with future appointments but I’ll look into a finger prick test, I’m sure DD would much prefer that to a blood test.

another saying it sounds like she needs further investigations. I had bad, heavy periods as a teenager and in my 20s and would on occasion vomit and faint from the pain. Her’s sound even more extreme and I don’t think anyone should have to put up with that level of pain. Like a PP, I found that I needed to take the painkillers immediately - if I waited for my period to become even a bit painful, it was too late and the vomiting would start.

Honestly please don’t worry your doing your best, I was just like your daughter and still am I’ve had two surgeries for endometriosis and spent many years being told it was just bad periods and too toughen up even when passing out. My mum didn’t understand at first really either but since I’ve been diagnosed with it and my mums researched more it’s one of the top 20 nhs most painful conditions. The main problem with endometriosis is that it’s very new to research and pretty unknown feel free to follow the endometriosis uk fb group there great at answering you as a parent may have and lots of useful info. Periods are not meant to be painful she shouldn’t have to go through this she’s lucky she has your support