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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

motivating DS to get a job...

35 replies

namechangenumber2 · 12/06/2020 15:04

or do something!!

tbh Im not sure what my intentions were about posting this, probably more to see if others are having the same struggle?!

DS is 16 and in Yr 11, so obviously has no home learning to do. In effect he's spent the last 3 months either in bed, eating, PS4 or talking to friends online. He's met up a few times with them.

He's been a bit helpful at home, cooked the odd dinner, bit of washing, pottered in the garden etc but nothing regular.

I'd either like him to start getting motivated by looking at college stuff ready for next year (no chance of that) or look for a job. I thought this would appeal to him, he likes nice branded clothes/trainers and is very keen to learn to drive later in the year. I just can't get him interested in even looking online at jobs though. He just can't be bothered. I'm really worried that having done nothing for 6 months by the time he gets to college he will then struggle to be bothered to do anything!

anyone else got a lazy teenager like mine?

OP posts:
Sweetlikecoca · 12/06/2020 15:24

No I don’t (yet). Take him along to the supermarket with you so he can see how much things cost. Also sit down with DS and talk to him about NMW and how working hard while he is still very young is in his best interest to study and get a good job for his future. Ask him what he is interested in? What would he like to do? Explain how lucky he is to be living at home as your the bread winner.

lljkk · 12/06/2020 15:25

What job is there? Only care work here, and 16 yr olds can't do that.

Original poster
namechangenumber2 · 12/06/2020 15:30

I've looked online but can't find much myself! When I was his age (90's) I just walked into places and asked if anything was available and managed to get shop work

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SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 12/06/2020 15:33

How on earth do you expect him to find work when all the shops etc are still shut and there are literally thousands of better qualified and experienced people unemployed and looking for work? He doesnt sound lazy, either, just a very standard 16yr old. I'd get him to help more at home, and leave the nagging about jobs til later.

IAmTheBFG · 12/06/2020 15:35

I'm afraid the time to get supermarket work was three months ago - my daughter and all her friends' temporary contracts are coming to an end over the next couple of weeks as the staff who had been furloughed for medical reasons are returning.

Sweetlikecoca · 12/06/2020 15:36

He possibly can enquire about colleges at least. There will be jobs he can look into. Create a CV for the future. We won’t be in a lockdown forever. It’s called making a start.

rbe78 · 12/06/2020 15:38

Tell him he has to contribute to the broadband bill if he wants the wifi password?

Original poster
namechangenumber2 · 12/06/2020 15:39

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow , he's my eldest I have no one to compare him with hence my reason for posting. I feel he's become lazy - he's not out of bed until early afternoon because "he's got nothing better to do" which isn't a surprise (as there isn't!) but I'd like him to find a way to motivate himself to do something, mainly because I think he's going to find it tough to get himself going after spending effectively 6 months in bed..!

If there are no jobs available then so be it, but he's not even willing to look

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SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 12/06/2020 15:42

I think you should cut him a bit of slack tbh. As a Yr11 he must be feeling completely adrift and like all his hard work up til now was absolutely pointless. I don't think i know anyone feeling particularly motivated right now, the world has gone to shit and everything feels hopeless and strange.

HorsesDoovers · 12/06/2020 15:43

He sounds exactly like my DS, in fact I could have written your post almost word for word! Trying to encourage him to do some maths as he is planning to take maths A level but its as if his brain shut down the moment they announced GCSEs were cancelled. He's a bright boy but has zero motivation.
Two things I have had some success with, first is that he is responsible for cooking dinner of his choice once a week, and second that he should do one of the free Open University courses. He did find a cyber security course and started it but it seems to have fizzled out...
I don't think there are any jobs out there for their age which makes it extra hard. I know all kids have had a raw deal but Yr 11s have been abandoned, school have wiped their hands of them and college don't want to know yet...anyway I digress!

RedskyAtnight · 12/06/2020 15:43

Are there any jobs to be had? DS had a summer job lined up working at a playscheme, but we're presuming that is now cancelled. Any of the jobs that a 16 year old would normally be able to do (shop work, restaurants etc) are either no longer available to them or being applied for by those adults who've recently lost jobs.
The only ones of DS's friends (he's also 16) who have jobs are ones who were working prior to the pandemic.

Sweetlikecoca · 12/06/2020 15:44

Companies like NHS are still hiring and they do well paid apprenticeships. Everything will just be slower.

Original poster
namechangenumber2 · 12/06/2020 15:45

I did wonder if that would be the case @IAmTheBFG . He looked for work straight after school ended but as an Asthmatic we decided it probably wasn't a good idea until everything settled, so instead he started his life of literally laying in his boxers on his bed.. Confused

He always hoped to get some summer work after exams ( to help towards driving lessons) but that seems to have fallen by the wayside. I just think college is going to be such a shock after all of this and it would be good for him to find something to give him more of a routine

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IAmTheBFG · 12/06/2020 15:52

I agree that going back into education might be a shock. However, it is even in normal circumstances - I know my daughter spent the last two weeks of her year 11 summer holiday watching old series of the Apprentice on YouTube and sleeping in until midday and she found getting back into routine in the forst term of year 12 a real struggle. If it's any consolation, she got back on track and is going to Durham in September. The thing which made the biggest difference to her motivation was looking around universities in the autumn term of year 12, although I appreciate that may not be possible for your son. Anything you can do to get hik excited about what he might do in future will help - maybe watch a few "day in the life" videos on Youtube with him made by studytubers who are at uni, or by people working in a profession he's interested in.

IAmTheBFG · 12/06/2020 15:53

Excuse the typos, I'm currently on a bus and it's gone over quite a few potholes!

Original poster
namechangenumber2 · 12/06/2020 15:55

Ooh I'll look into those videos thanks @IAmTheBFG

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JustSew · 12/06/2020 15:58

Jobs for 16 year olds were hard enough to come by before. Probably impossible now.
Mine both got work tutoring for Kumon maths and working in a local tourist attraction. However they didn't start until the September and before that they had a summer in their boxers. Didn't do long term damage though it annoyed me at the time.

FireBeef · 12/06/2020 16:02

I really don't like this idea that teenagers absolutely must be sent out to work as soon as possible or they're destined to a life of misery.

They will be spending 50 years of their lives working- I really don't see the desperation to get them earning £5 an hour for grunt work.

DS1 (21) never had a part time job at school but applied for and got some great summer internships while he was at uni which allowed him to earn money and get some excellent experience. He is starting a good, well-paid graduate role in September.

Getting a job is hard at the best of times- and that effort is imo better invested elsewhere.

That's before we even get to the fact that there are no jobs to be had anywhere at the moment- certainly not ones that will take on 16 year olds. Companies are making millions of redundancies.

Original poster
namechangenumber2 · 12/06/2020 16:02

TBH he's never been one to have much motivation to do anything. He's a pretty bright boy who does well at school with pretty minimal effort ( very little revision etc), he hates talking about the future, isn't interested in looking at Uni courses. All of it is taking up time that he could be doing something else. He's got every intention of going to Uni, just isn't interesting in talking about it.

I've tried getting him to become interested in learning life skills etc suggesting he researches recipes and cooks them for dinner etc, nope! It's like torture. You'd think I'd suggested him to pull his teeth out.

He just had no motivation to do anything at all - which could well be very normal for his age I'm just not that happy with him spending 6 months doing absolutely nothing

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crimsonlake · 12/06/2020 16:05

I think you are being very unrealistic expecting him to find a job during a pandemic to be honest.
This is teenagers, staying up late and lying in bed in the day. I get you that you would like him to be more motivated but citing a job is not helpful.
At this moment in time a lot of us feel demotivated whatever our ages.

sandycloud · 12/06/2020 16:07

He sounds just like my 16 year old!! Got up around 2 today. Currently on his xbox still in pjs. He takes the dog for a walk every evening. Sometimes kicks a football with a friend. I'd like him to do more but he's happy so I don't want to cause any upset. He has been sent work to do for a levels but won't do it. I'm hoping as things reopen he'll get out more. It will be a be shock in September but for me too as I've been off work too. It seems his mates are all the same so don't worry too much.

Ilovetolurk · 12/06/2020 16:14

Another one for whom you could be discussing my DS. The worst thing is he isn’t even short of cash as he just had his birthday and everyone was super generous as it was his 16th.

He was going to do a kitchen job at a local italian before lockdown. Of course that’s out now. No suggestions other than try to get him out. My DS has new mountain bike which has encouraged him out a bit

I also bought a cheap deep fat fryer and he has learned to make himself chips Grin life skills 🤷‍♀️

OhioOhioOhio · 12/06/2020 16:16

It's definitely a different time maybe you should cut him slack?

FinallyHere · 12/06/2020 16:20

I feel your pain. Employment opportunities appear to have got.fewer and fewer

He could make a more regular contribution to the household. You could give him a regular day (with a budget) to make dinner for everyone.

Once he has done his chores, you could then cut him some slack about hours and occupations.

Original poster
namechangenumber2 · 12/06/2020 16:24

Yep sounds just like DS @sandycloud . Maybe he's happy this way, I know I wouldn't be 🤷🏼‍♀️

I speak to a couple of his friends parents who make me look incredibly soft. One friend is expected to continue to get up at normal school time, the other friend has a strict chores timetable that she has to stick to. Maybe it's my fault, I left him to it back in March, thought he'd enjoy a few weeks of nothing, but now it feels like he's stuck in a bit of a black hole with no plan to do anything until he really has to (September)

Sorry I can't remember who said about not agreeing with 16 year olds having jobs - I actually agree. A lot of DS's friends had little jobs as soon as they turned 16 ( swimming assistants, barbers shops etc). DS didn't as I didn't want him to whilst getting ready for GCSE's etc. However it's not usual for 16 year olds to have 6 months of nothing so if he could find himself a temp job etc, to get himself a reason to get out of bed, then I think that's a good thing. However as I said at the beginning, it's not limited to looking for a job, it's doing anything as currently he's doing nothing at all.

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