motivating DS to get a job...

[namechangenumber2]

or do something!!

tbh Im not sure what my intentions were about posting this, probably more to see if others are having the same struggle?!

DS is 16 and in Yr 11, so obviously has no home learning to do. In effect he's spent the last 3 months either in bed, eating, PS4 or talking to friends online. He's met up a few times with them.

He's been a bit helpful at home, cooked the odd dinner, bit of washing, pottered in the garden etc but nothing regular.

I'd either like him to start getting motivated by looking at college stuff ready for next year (no chance of that) or look for a job. I thought this would appeal to him, he likes nice branded clothes/trainers and is very keen to learn to drive later in the year. I just can't get him interested in even looking online at jobs though. He just can't be bothered. I'm really worried that having done nothing for 6 months by the time he gets to college he will then struggle to be bothered to do anything!

anyone else got a lazy teenager like mine?

Yes I agree with a pp that what motivates my 16 yr old is looking at potential uni courses and jobs. (Assuming that your ds has not gone from laid back to serious depression of course.)

I think it is quite unusual that your ds doesn't like talking about the future. Can you dig down as to why this is? It could be that he does have a plan and doesn't want to share it ATM. Or has he always been a spontaneous, last minute, go with the flow type of person? Understanding the reason why he doesn't like talking about the future could be the key to helping him over his lack of motivation, perhaps?

In these situations, I think begging or bribing several teens a couple of years older to "casually" mix with him socially is a good idea, so he gets to hear talk of uni struggles and excitements or apprenticeships or similar. Do you know of any friends' children, or extended family he could mix with (when circumstances allow)?

Or maybe he just doesn't feel psychologically ready to think about leaving home yet ? In which case, a bit of a break from discussing it might be good, take the pressure off, get him involved in volunteering and build up his confidence?

Good luck to your DS op. This Covid crisis has been really hard for teens I think, who are getting used to having a bit more independence and freedom, only to have it all shut down again. A lot of adults are finding it hard to motivate themselves now too.

I wouldn’t necessarily compare to your friends @namechangenumber2 these boys are up all night playing video games with someone!!

Maybe I should @OhioOhioOhio , I don't know. As I said to someone else earlier, he's my eldest, I don't really know what is normal. He's usually pretty lazy at weekends/school holidays, I think I just hoped that after a couple of months of this he'd realise it's pretty boring and want to do something.

I suggested looking for work to him because I know he needs to do something that has a big benefit to him and as a keen shopper ( and desperate to learn to drive) I thought If he could find something he'd then see that it's worth putting the effort in.

I don't think I'm really explaining myself very well, I'm worried about him. I don't feel it can be healthy to do the little he does.

I think it is quite unusual that your ds doesn't like talking about the future. Can you dig down as to why this is? It could be that he does have a plan and doesn't want to share it ATM. Or has he always been a spontaneous, last minute, go with the flow type of person? Understanding the reason why he doesn't like talking about the future could be the key to helping him over his lack of motivation, perhaps?

He just doesn't want to @Studycast . It fits in to his usual "if it doesn't need to be done now, then I'll do it later" way. He's like that all the time, always gets up at the absolute last minute, home work done the day before it's due, very little revision etc. If he can wing it, he will! He's fortunate that he's a bright lad, hoping to get 7's and 8's, could pretty much do whatever he wanted in life and I think that's left him with a feeling that he doesn't need to bother until the last minute?

Maybe that will all change when he is steering his own boat namechqngenumver2? With some teens (especially those with good, consciousness parents) I think it takes a while to sink in that they are actually in charge of their own destiny ifyswim. If you and your DH have demonstrated a good work ethic, I am sure he will come round.

Does he have any interests, any hobbies, outside of the house? Is there a cause that he would want to volunteer for? Maybe start a fund raising challenge?

Also, although he is on his phone a lot, he is presumably interacting with friends if not talking to them directly? A phone also contains many functions that we had different gadgets for: music-player, puzzles/games, TV and films, school work etc. So it's not as if he is doing nothing at all!

Maybe take him for a long drive for a burger one day (make up an errand?) and try and have a talk to him? Say you are a bit worried about him but don't pile like on the pressure. Say that you love him and just want a better idea of how he is feeling?

Good luck!

Sorry for the spelling mistakes in your NN op!

I thought this article I randomly Googled seems sensible enough:

here or have a look at Young Minds if you are worried about depression?

I don't think wanting him to look for a job is a problem but appreciate there are not that many around at the moment. Does he like football ? DS1 trained as a referee and earns good money refereeing youth football. If that sort of thing interests him he could research training opportunities and local clubs for when it can all start again. Otherwise I am sure there must be volunteering roles he could look into. Google your local volunteer bureau and see what sort of roles are available . Do you have family near by he can 'help' my 3 might be reluctant to do jobs at home but can be relied on to fix grandparents IT issues or do shopping or entertain younger cousins in the park. Sometimes it not being the parent who asks can help!

The college he’s attending should be in touch with a summer project or similar, if you’re lucky. That might help?