Boy has no friends at all :(

[Meeeh]

My teenage son is obvs in lockdown and it’s become clear that he has NO contact with any boys his age. None. He says he has texted and called a few but I had a look and they were all girls.
He has always talked about other kids at school like they were mates but there doesn’t seem to be much going on when we saw them in public before lockdown and no it is all phone based, there is nothing. I feel like he made up those “friendships” and wonder if he’s considered a “loser” at school and has no circle

He doesn’t play Xbox or PlayStation which I know is one way for boys to hang out.

Some input from other parents of boys or dads with a male perspective on teen boy friendships would be great.

Does he use anything like discord? That seems to be what the boys seem to mainly be using for contact.

I know my daughter doesn’t like FT as she finds it hard to see them - but they do snapchat a lot!

Don’t get me started on girls and snapchat. I seriously can’t tell one from the other with the filters and huge eyes 👀

I think the idea that you have to get him a games console or see him become a social pariah is a bit mad. If you've got this far without one, why bother now?

Heaven forbid a man should grow up without being plugged into a computer every hour god sends. You only need to look on the relationships board or reddit to see how many relationships are ADVERSELY affected by too much gaming so it's not like it's an unalloyed good thing to get him into it.

I am not a massive fan of gaming but my boys have an Xbox. I do find for the oldest (coming up 13) it is not only a good way of maintaining friendships during this time but also bringing friendship groups together. I ask him not to play with people he doesn’t know, but he does play with friends from different groups - from where we used to live, his primary school, his secondary school. They set up tournaments and challenges. He has WhatsApp but a lot of his chats relate to the gaming, or spin off from that, what is the next challenge, etc.. It is consolidating a group of boys who otherwise would only see each other occasionally as friends of friends. If he didn’t have the console I don’t think there would be a lot to talk about since he isn’t doing anything apart from school work and exercise.

Latest development is he is texting a friend who is a boy. A picture of kylie minogue and her cleavage is part of that riveting conversation.

I’ll be in the wine if you need me.

I posted here recently about my 16 year old son. He’s left school with no friends and I’m worried sick. He’s saying he’s happy at home and doesn’t want to even go back to his paper round after lockdown. Schools over and he has no confidence for college so I’m worried sick about his future.

You’re not alone. I hope you’re ok.

@Libby40

I can sympathise, I posted upthread about my 16 year old. Has your son applied for college? Mine won't engage in any conversation about what he wants to do now he's leaving school He's happy in himself, but I think the longer he's at home in his little bubble the harder it's going to be. I think it's a worry a lot of us have?
I keep thinking of what he's missing out on, my friends got me through a lot at school. It's a little bit heartbreaking.

Fleamaker I'm worried sick. Has your son finished school now? My son won’t go to college, he’s been open it’s not where he wanted to go after a hard time in year 11. I don’t blame him but I’m worried the longer he’s at home isolated it’ll get worse for him so I don’t know to do.

My post today is about my son on this forum, take a look if you can. It would be good to support eachother as we sound in a similar situation.

Op I totally get this. Ds is y8 And only sends messages if I say to. I wish he had a good circle of friends but he's at a very awkward age. He's got mounted like acquaintances. He doesn't go out on his own for a walk because it's embarrassing. He won't ring people because it's embarrassing. I think it's very much an age thing.