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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DS struggling because he can’t see girlfriend

28 replies

pilates · 20/04/2020 10:32

I am becoming increasingly concerned about my DS16 who is getting very upset/depressed about not seeing his girlfriend. Anyone else out there in the same boat? All he’s doing is Xbox and phone. The thought of another three weeks is filling me with dread. Just sounding off really, I know you can’t wave a magical wand. 😕

OP posts:

lockedinfornow · 20/04/2020 10:36

Can't blame him really it's tough. It's such a shitty time right now. Must be hard for you to see him like it too. No advice but I hope this doesn't go on too long for all our sakes.

TheFallenMadonna · 20/04/2020 10:42

My 18yo is very sad. They've been together for 2 years. It's their gap year and not only have their travel plans been stymied, but they can't see each other either. He says he's fine, but he's not.

I0NA · 20/04/2020 10:44

My kids have no Gf and still spend all day on their phones. It’s normal.

Making them do some exercise and school work helps .

Mikki2019 · 20/04/2020 10:45

Yep ! Can’t see my fiancé . I do think there should be dispensation for partners to see each other for mental health reasons. Now sure how that would work practically tho. I was ok till I started thinking yesterday that the lockdown will last till June at earliest .. your poor son . So hard on them x

Ginfordinner · 20/04/2020 10:47

I totally understand. I am so glad that DD's arsehole ex boyfriend dumped her several months ago. At least he is sad and lonely as well (wicked laugh)

bettybattenburg · 20/04/2020 11:10

My eldest is in her twenties and home now as she's in her final year at university, we had a frank discussion the other day as she proposed going to stay with her boyfriend for two weeks. I can't stop her going but she knows my views and those of her siblings

woodlands01 · 20/04/2020 12:53

Same DD19, first year at Uni cut short and boyfriend an hour and a half away.
Any of yours tried the 'cooling off period' from corona rules to try and convinve you its OK to go for a few days?

Original poster

pilates · 20/04/2020 13:06

He’s saying because they have both self isolated in their separate houses for three weeks, they are ok to meet up. I have said no that isn’t correct. I’m right aren’t I?

OP posts:

bettybattenburg · 20/04/2020 13:10

Any of yours tried the 'cooling off period' from corona rules to try and convinve you its OK to go for a few days?

Yes, that was exactly what she was trying to use. She heard my views and I heard her sibling telling her she was being ducking selfish. She hasn't mentioned it since, I'm guessing his parents might have said no.

woodlands01 · 20/04/2020 16:58

Of course you are right pilates. My DD is unbearable as it seems ALL her friends are seeing their friends and her boyfriend's Mum would be ok with her visiting! She is doing the right thing but so bloody miserable with it. Whoever in government/police came up with the wording for the 'cooling off' statement definitely doesn't have teenagers! I am so (inexplicably) cross about it!

Original poster

pilates · 20/04/2020 17:04

Thanks woodlands01 but you start to doubt yourself. That’s the problem we have friends posting pictures with their boyfriends/girlfriends 😡. I haven’t heard of the cooling off period.

OP posts:

Spanglishness · 20/04/2020 17:05

I do think there should be dispensation for partners to see each other for mental health reasons
Dear me 🙄

okiedokieme · 20/04/2020 17:26

It's permissible to move house but that means staying until lockdown ends. Things are not as black and white as some posters like to think, his mental health has to be put into the equation, but what is not allowed is visiting people;even though many are doing this, there was young people hanging out on the streets everywhere today. One of my DD's has her boyfriend staying here, the other hasn't seen hers as he's a key worker and worried that he might catch it, ive stayed at my dp's

Andi2020 · 20/04/2020 17:55

I have a dd16 missing her bf they spend time snapping each other during day and facetime and Netflix at night. Both are high risk so couldn't even chance meeting and they both understand they plan away about what they are going to do after lockdown is over to have things to look forward too.
They done a quiz night with other friends on Saturday night to keep in touch with others.

Mikki2019 · 20/04/2020 18:12

@Spanglishness as there is in some Australian states

Spanglishness · 20/04/2020 18:48

@Mikki2019
I’m one of 7- if we all had partners, that would mean having an extra 7 people coming in and out of the household. A lot of those 7 boyfriends/girlfriends have siblings of their own who would have their boyfriends/girlfriends visiting their house.
It’s all very well and good if you have your own place or you’re an only child living at your parents’ house.

Elieza · 20/04/2020 19:13

Households are not to mix. They can’t see each other any more than I or anyone else can see any loved ones at different addresses.

It’s the same for us all. The idiots who are posting pics of being with their girlfriends are stupid.

I know three people now who have died of CV. It’s just not worth the risk.

bettybattenburg · 21/04/2020 16:15

Things are not as black and white as some posters like to think

It's extremely clear. You cannot go and visit people unless they are vulnerable. So I can go to visit a 90 year old who has cancer and deliver their shopping (in fact it is left outside their door as they can take it in themselves and have requested that) but my teenagers can't go and see their partners. Two lovesick teenagers missing each other are not vulnerable.

PingPongBat · 21/04/2020 23:24

Same here OP, DD is missing her BF of 2 years a lot. Although she understands the lockdown rules & is very cross when she sees other people breaking them, she really wants him to come & stay with us.

She's hasn't really got any structure to her days (no exams), but he's got lots of school work as he's in the year below, but he spends most of his time on playstation or playing on his keyboards.

She's been very tearful the last few days & it's hard to know what to say to her, except try to encourage her to find things to do to make the days go faster. She's resistant to any suggestions & just keeps saying she "can't do this" for 3 more weeks

bettybattenburg · 22/04/2020 07:28

It's so hard for them isn't it? Mine has been getting headaches and feeling stressed with the pressure of university exams and projects without being able to see her BF except for Facetime. They've been together since they were both at school.
I'd love to be able to encourage her to go and see him or him to come here

woodlands01 · 22/04/2020 08:17

"can't do this" for 3 more weeks is another common theme here. I daren't tell her it could be longer!
Last night was all our fault because we 'tell them what to do'.
All prompted by 2 different sets of youngsters walking/biking past our house.
Definitely friends seeing friends, we know them! Also along tow path past canal boats which is against recommendations.

Makeitgoaway · 22/04/2020 08:23

I feel fortunate that my teen DSs' dont have girlfriends they're pining after but tbh, I imagine most teens are spending the bulk of this time on gadgets, I don't think that in itself is marked out as a particular concern for him.

It is really hard on him, I think I'd let him do what he needs to get through. I've tried to give mine a reason to get up from the screen by making them responsible for some DIY tasks and taking turns cooking dinner but it's had mixed success.

In honesty, I think the ban on seeing partners from other households is a step too far, when parents can see children they don't live with. I know it would be impossible to monitor properly, but it is a very harsh measure, all you can do is sympathise

PingPongBat · 22/04/2020 09:07

woodlands01 I think she knows that it could be longer - but is daring to hope it won't be...

DD has been very vocal about how it's wrong to break the isolation rules, but talks to her BF about breaking them & what it would be like if he came to stay. I don't think that could happen though as I think there would be tensions in this house which could cause problems for everyone. His family dynamic is very difficult & he's taking exercise, or facetiming his friends, just online games & school work, so she's worrying about him.

Flossiefoo · 23/04/2020 01:12

As hard as it may feel, it’s not forever. Go out & mingle and the whole lockdown scenario will just go on & on - and unbeknown to you, you could be the cause of someone’s death .. or your own ! It’s incredibly selfish & short sighted to think you can go against all the expert medical advice being given. We all have difficult stories & scenarios to tell & deal with but we have to self isolate unless for the reasons given by the govt.

PingPongBat · 23/04/2020 10:27

I agree that we should continue with social distancing for the sake of the whole population.

DD seems OK today, she's going to do a lock-down journal which I think is a great idea, & she's planning surprises for a friend who's birthday is coming up.

In case people are interested, there's a document from the NPCC (National Police Chief's Council) on what would be considered 'reasonable excuse to leave the place where you live', and it does cover moving between households.

"Visiting a friend in their address or meeting in public to socialise" is not reasonable, but "Moving to a friend’s address for several days to allow a ‘cooling-off’ following arguments at home" could be considered reasonable as "The Regulations allow people to move house. This means that individuals can move between households. But this should be a genuine move (ie,measured in days, not hours)."

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