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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teen Parties

29 replies

gogglebox15 · 27/02/2020 13:31

My daughter is turning 15 (y10) and wants a houseparty - we'll hide upstairs, but now we are questioning whether or not alcohol should be allowed - its invitees only and my 17 year old son will act as bouncer - her friends are generally responsible so we were thinking cider/WKD's/punch ? not a lot and confiscate vodka or anything stronger. Also finishing times? She's begging for 1am or something similar but we think unwise to end after midnight, let me know your thoughts.

OP posts:
BigSandyBalls2015 · 27/02/2020 13:57

I think year 10 is too young for booze at parties … I know they smuggle it in and I know mine did but to actually provide it wouldn't be a good idea. You're responsible for them in your house, and they're children, so what would happen if one of them got completely smashed and ended up in A&E …...

Original poster
gogglebox15 · 27/02/2020 14:29

if we confiscated anything we didn't provide though, then nothing would be spiked, it lets them have some drink while still being safe. I know what you mean though. Also worried about drugs/sex etc, any advice?

OP posts:
DingleberryRose · 27/02/2020 14:39

now we are questioning whether or not alcohol should be allowed

Of course it shouldn’t be allowed!!

if we confiscated anything we didn't provide though, then nothing would be spiked, it lets them have some drink while still being safe

I guarantee there will be alcohol (teenagers are masters at hiding it) and the first you’d get wind of it is when someone is crying over their ex and simultaneously vomiting in the toilet.

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 27/02/2020 14:46

I wouldn’t allow alcohol at 15, no way. And I’m pretty laidback!

Ds16 went to a party recently at one of his teachers houses (his ds is in my ds’s class) with lots of fellow students from his year there. They allowed alcohol - and even though the teacher and his wife were upstairs it descended into drunken puking teens everywhere. I don’t know how they dared, I’d have been terrified knowing one of my teachers was upstairs - I fact I wouldn’t have gone in the first place!
Apparently the next day was spent cleaning up his own students puke - I bet they regretted it!

Original poster
gogglebox15 · 27/02/2020 17:16

My 17 year old had some alcohol parties at 15 and we never had a bad expirience, that is why we are considering it for our current 15 year old

OP posts:
JeremyCorbynsTopLip · 27/02/2020 17:23

Damn, nothing to comment but growing up in a rough area I was used to parties with booze at year 8.

JustDanceAddict · 27/02/2020 17:23

Alcohol started to be provided at 16 bdays - in Year 10 I’d only provide soft drinks and pizza etc!
I’m fairly laid back once they’re rising 16 (DS is nearly 16 and drinks occasionally but I have never provided it to his friends here). If he wants a gathering for his 16th I’ll provide a small amount of relatively low alcoholic drinks - beer, fruit cider and maybe Smirnoff ice (which is about 4%). It’s what I bought for DD’s 17th and we didn’t have any dramas.

mcmen05 · 27/02/2020 21:27

My dd2 was 15 last week had a couple of friends for a sleepover and they actually did baking and played with barbies I couldn't believe my eyes thought they would be facetime boys. They said they really enjoyed been kids for a night
Smile

bigchris · 27/02/2020 21:29

Also worried about drugs/sex etc

Really ? If You are I wouldn't be having a party tbh

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 28/02/2020 13:42

I agree with other posters, I wouldn't provide alcohol. My DD is nearly 15 and I'd be horrified if she went to a party where the parents were providing it, although I definitely remember drinking at parties at her age.

It's just too risky, OP. You don't want to end up in A&E with someone's child having their stomach pumped. Re. Hiding upstairs. I'd hide, but come down every hour or so to see what's happening. That way you can head off any problems before they get out of hand.

DingleberryRose · 28/02/2020 16:45

My 17 year old had some alcohol parties at 15 and we never had a bad expirience, that is why we are considering it for our current 15 year old

So you made a mistake before and want to re-make it with this daughter? It’s illegal! Not only that you’d need the permission of every parent of every person under 18 attending and even then it’d still be illegal!

BackforGood · 29/02/2020 23:22

I really would not be impressed at adults providing alcohol to minors (who are not their dc).
Hope neither you or your dh work anywhere where this information would bring your judgement into doubt.

Turning a blind eye to teens who are in the 6th form bringing their own drink to a house party is one thing, but providing it for 14 year olds ??? Hmm

Chocolateandchats · 29/02/2020 23:27

My daughter was drinking at parties at 16. She’s the youngest in her year and everyone was celebrating their 16ths. Parents were always in the building and anyone that was sick was swiftly picked up by their parents. All the parents drop their kids off and pick them up and we’re there to see what they are drinking and help if needed. It hasn’t been so far. Some teenagers are actually quite decent and respectful and are capable of having a SMALL amount of alcohol in a safe environment.

Chocolateandchats · 29/02/2020 23:28

I think 1am is too late though. I’d be thinking closer to 11pm.

Pandamoore · 29/02/2020 23:31

Let it go on till 1am but I think I wouldn't allow any booze because you never know how their parents will feel about that. Definitely not cider lol god I'm on my ass after a pint of that lol.

Maybe a small bottle or two of wkd/breezer each. But then again even that might be a risk...

Original poster
gogglebox15 · 01/03/2020 14:28

@DingleberryRose we live in England, its perfectly legal - we live in a very safe neighborhood, lots of teenagers have parties with drink, there are hardly ever any bad experiences - at my DS17 friends party one boy threw up, his parents were called and they collected him promptly. Parents are always present.

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 01/03/2020 15:54

I have a dd in year 10. I know some kids will drink at that age, but I would be really pissed off to find out that parents were providing the alcohol. Totally unnecessary.

I'd be fairly relaxed about the finish time from dd's point of view, but would end at midnight simply because other parents won't want to have to collect at 1am. It's inconsiderate.

Pandamoore · 01/03/2020 16:54

'Its perfectly legal' umm...no, it isn't.

I think there might be some allowance that's like they can have a glass of wine with a meal or something... if that loophole hasn't been changed yet. But no, giving 15tear old blue wkd at a party is not legal. Nor does having adults there make it so. And you could be charged with supplying alcohol to minors.

However, if the general consensus in the neighborhood is favorable then a wee bottle or two should be fine. Hopefully no one will make a big deal of it.

BackforGood · 01/03/2020 18:58

we live in England, its perfectly legal

So do I
Supplying alcohol to minors isn't legal.

It is a very different thing from allowing your own child to have a glass / bottle / can.

AlexaShutUp · 01/03/2020 19:03

I think the law is a bit murky on this one tbh. As far as I understand it, children aged 5-16 can consume alcohol at home or in other private venues, and presumably a house party would qualify as "private". On the other hand, I believe it's illegal to purchase alcohol for someone under 18, so buying alcohol for a 15yo's party would appear to breach that.

I don't actually think the legalities matter that much. It's more about common sense and decent parenting in my view - and yes, I'm afraid I would judge any parent who would actively supply alcohol to underage drinkers. It simply isn't necessary.

Busymum45 · 01/03/2020 19:31

We had a party for 15 yr olds and just bought Koppenburg, checked with all parents first, all said fine and we stayed in the house

BackforGood · 01/03/2020 21:12

I totally agree Alexa

Busymum45 · 02/03/2020 11:16

Definitely common sense, we told our 15 yr old we had to check.with all parents if they were allowed some alcohol or no party. All parents said ok and it was fine. I wouldn't mind my 15 yr old going to a party with drinks as long as the parent checked with me first x

Seeline · 02/03/2020 11:24

How are you going to confiscate any alcohol?

You would have to pay down every guest, and go through any bags, coats etc. Are you really willing to do that?

And for God's sake, don't do punch. Everyone will add a splash of anything they can get their hands on and it'll end in a puking disaster 🤮🤢🤮

Twobigsapphires · 03/03/2020 14:37

I didn’t let my dc drink alcohol at home with friends until year 11 / age 16. I certainly didn’t provide any, apart from some cans of cider for my son. I was always present and never let him have more than 5 friends over. I certainly wouldn’t provide alcohol for party for them.
I have always been relaxed with my dc and they have a healthy attitude to alcohol and so far know their limits, but I wouldn’t trust other people’s kids the same.

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