Teenage hair dye disaster. My problem?

[longcoffee]

DSD14 (nearly 15) has been nagging to go blonde. She has dark hair.

Eventually, DH and I agreed, but on the proviso that it was done gradually and under the control of a trusted hairdresser.

Went to a local salon in December, set out a plan of highlights then, another set early March, another set in June. Lots of conditioning, and a gradual process.

She’s saved her Christmas money to have it done, and all agreed. Fine. Lovely.

She announced on Wednesday that she wants white blonde NOW. I said to the best of my limited knowledge it physically can't be done, and that we have a plan for a reasonable outcome and that certainly WASN'T white blonde. She said ‘it can, I’m doing it.’ Went back and forth for bloody ages, told her how it would end, showed her pics of crispy orange hair etc etc. Ended up with her agreeing, and saying the original plan was the best idea.

However. She’s just badly box dyed her hair. It’s patchy, orange and looks horrendous. I predict through-the-roof hysteria when she realises that no amount of purple shampoo will tone down this shit show.

So, do I brace my bank card and make an emergency do-what-you-can hairdressers appointment, or let her manage the consequences herself? Whether that be riding the ‘look’ out, or choosing to get it rectified. Obviously, (some of) the money to correct it as best it can be is there, she’s saved it for her original highlights.

Im torn between saying ‘you made the choice, you manage it’ and also not wanting to send her into school on Monday looking like a loaf of tiger bread so forcibly stepping in.

What do I do?

Loaf of tiger bread 😂😂 *
*
I'd make her pay what she has towards it if she wants it rectified.

I'd then find a way for her to pay you back the rest or if you're feeling generous half the outstanding.

But my feeling always has been if they use money for the now they have to learn the consequences. It's the same as teaching saving vs usuing credit.

Let her mum and dad worry about it.

I would let her sort it out herself, OP - I don't see how this is your problem.

If the adults around her pull out all the stops to save her from herself every time she does something stupid, she's never going to develop her own coping skills and you'll be rescuing her for the rest of her life.

In response to questions:

I didn't notice she was doing it because I was at work - came home and she was in the shower. Only realised when she came down with orange hair. If I'd have realised, obviously would have stepped in.

Can't defer to her mum. They aren't in contact. Have spoken to her dad, who is at work. Hes far from impressed that she's done exactly what she was expressly told not to do and thinks she should be left to get on with it.

We listened to her desire to go blonde. But she has very dark hair. As I understand it it's better to do it gradually. As was reiterated by the hairdresser.

Shouldn't have laughed - however, she was also laughing, so think I was fairly safe to do so... if she'd been in floods of tears would obviously not have reacted like that.

FFS Teenagers! I would wait and see what her DM and DF make of it .Try not to laugh though .I would take her to the hairdressers and explain what has happened .Where is her DF he will have to stump up some cash I think, Hopefully lesson learned the hard way.!

Oh the bloody idiot. To be honest I would help her out in any way I could, as I really couldn’t stand by and watch her be miserable with her appearance if I could help. I don’t think iyll detract from the ‘I told you so’/‘next time bloody listen’ lesson to be learned here!

long coffee Sorry didnt see your reply .Good that she sees the funny side !

Perhaps listen to what she's saying in the future? Why did she need to wait to go blonde and do it gradually?

I’m assuming she needed to wait so she could save the money herself (which she did, so good for her, 14 year old me did not have that willpower) as the OP and her husband are under no obligation to fund hair dying?

wig
I hope you took photo - useful tool to remind her next time she thinks of doing
tattoo
strange piercings
eyebrows
or what ever

Dyeing, even.

Unfortunate slip

I think if she is laughing you get away with laughing! I laughed at DD’s ‘I’ve gone blorange ‘ text , luckily could not see me.

I’d make her use rest of her money to put back to natural colour and top up rest, no more would be forthcoming to try again, she had her chance,

Did she prelighten? What did she use?

I’d be tempted to let her try a couple more boxes since that’s what she has the budget for, but research it thoroughly with her to see what the “least bad “ option on a twenty quid budget is. Also point out of this doesn’t work, her best option will be to dye darker and condition like hell.

Or, have serious sit down talk about loaning her the money for the hairdresser and a realistic repayment plan.

Oh dear OP, teenagers are not known for their patience, nor their ability to listen to reason. They make mistakes, lots of them, and gradually make their way through the world.

Laughing, as she did, was probably the best way to diffuse the situation. Look horrified and she'd have burst into tears, be angry and she'd storm off defiantly.

She does need to put her Christmas money towards sorting it out though. If she doesn't have enough, then a loan against future month's allowance or give her some options to earn money. But don't bail her out on this occasion - save that for situations beyond her control.

I would empathise, and pay for it to be returned to whatever colour is acceptable for school if that will be an issue but insist the money is paid back or comes out of clothing allowance etc. At least it wasn’t a tattoo

If anything it'll teach her the essential Do a Strand Test and Do a Patch Test .

(I get my DD to do this whenever she dyes her hair . Same brand , Semi Perm, Matters not a whit , you can still get a reaction )

Oh goodness I'd pay for her to go to the hairdresser and get it fixed professionally. We all make mistakes.

Get two boxes of the bleach London white toner. It’s £8.50 in boots. That should tone it down.

Hairdressers have said she's looking at £150 for rescue job. It'll be back to brown and they'll get a few highlights in, once they've got everything one colour again.

Luckily, her hair was in pretty good nick beforehand because of the ridiculous amount of conditioning she does, so could have been worse. Didn't think I'd be grateful for the seemingly never-ending pampering sessions, but clearly they have their place.

We'll have to sub in about £50, but we can take that off of the next few months allowance, so no major issue there.

Hopefully crisis averted, would like to say lesson learnt... but that may be optimistic?

Tiger Bread

Worth fifty quid of anybody's money, that.

Call me harsh but I would want her to pay for it (get her to do chores/jobs to earn the money back). She’s old enough to face some consequences, especially when she’s gone against your wishes. I can’t speak for her or other teenagers but I was personally a right piece of work for my parents and piercings and tattoos followed on from hair dying.

Loved reading that. I did the same thing and bleached my hair at 14. Dad refused to help and take me to the hairdresser. So out of spite and determination I repeatedly dyed my hair with blond dye until I was blond and no longer ginger. my hair was dead and It took years to grow out but I kept it blond ever since. I quickly learned about good hair conditioners.

DD17 did this a couple of years ago. As a veteran of box hair dye disasters I did have some sympathy. 2 boxes of dark brown took her back to where she had started.

I did this at 22 ended up bright orange. Cost a fortune and all day in the hairdressers.

Also took about 8 months before it was a nice blonde.

Lesson learned though and I only go to the hairdressers now!

told what would happen, didn't listen, now has consequences. So long as she pays, that's the consequence. If she doesn't have the money, I'm sure there's an expensive brick you can sell to fund it.

genetics irrelevant!

As a naturally very dark haired blonde who did this several times as a teenager and has even had the odd brassy incident as a fully grown fully paying adult I sympathise. It’s hard work not going orange.