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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Rules on having having girlfriends inbedroom??

37 replies

Dickorydockwhatthe · 15/02/2020 18:24

Do you have rules?? Door open, door closed?? Ds has his gf over and I can tell he really likes her as never normally invites them around. They have just gone upstairs and closed the door!! I'm trying to be a calm mum and not freak out but I really don't want to be a granny before the age of 40!! Help!! Am I being stupid leaving them to it I mean they will do it anyway if they want to I guess!!

OP posts:
honesttogod · 15/02/2020 18:26

It depends how old they are?

Snowflake9 · 15/02/2020 18:29

Regardless of whether you insist the door is open or not, if they want to fool around with eachother they will find a place to. They will find a private space and do whatever they like.

Be sure you just ask your son to be respectful to you in your home. That's all you can do.

Original poster
Dickorydockwhatthe · 15/02/2020 18:45

Both15 which is what worries me as I know what I was doing at that age!!!

OP posts:
JiltedJohnsJulie · 16/02/2020 09:03

Have you told him what the consequences of sleeping with an underage girl may be? Not just pg and the risk of sti’s but him ending up in Court and with a conviction?

BarbedBloom · 16/02/2020 14:18

Honestly, if they want to have sex they will. I never had sex at home with my boyfriend at 15, but I was sexually active. I think it is more important to discuss contraception with him as a lot of teenage sex happens in the spur of the moment rather than being planned in advance.

BarbedBloom · 16/02/2020 14:19

If they are both 15 it is very unlikely the police would prosecute

BillywilliamV · 16/02/2020 14:22

Get him some contraception

But tell him you reserve the right to knock on his door, count to ten and then open the door, at any time.

Your house, your rules!!

BillywilliamV · 16/02/2020 14:23

They won’t prosecute a 15 yo boy for having sex with a 15yo girl!

FATEdestiny · 16/02/2020 14:23

I take it you have zero trust in your teenager to have the maturity to use contraception.

That's a sad state of affairs.

I have a 15 year old. I fully trust her to be mature, wise and responsible enough to stay safe if she had sex. Therefore she has her right to privacy at home. We expect mutual respect.

How sad for you to have such low expectations of your son.

Really123456 · 16/02/2020 14:31

Call him down now and have a private word with him laying down some god damn parented rules saying door open only. Knock on the door if you have to.

Really123456 · 16/02/2020 14:33

@FATEdestiny you are such a lamb and completely niaive... I was a good as gold teenager to my parents but god they'd freak out at what I actually got up to if they found out!

Tulipan · 16/02/2020 14:35

No rules. Don't see the point. I'd rather they felt comfortable being here. I don't actually think they get up to much anyway, but that's their decision.

FATEdestiny · 16/02/2020 14:35

I was a teenager too Really.

velocitygirl7 · 16/02/2020 14:40

@FATEdestiny hilarious and naive in equal measure!
My brother & I are in our 40s and my mum still occasionally boasts about what wonderful teenagers we both were. She talks of how honest and well behaved we always were, how she never had to worry about what we were up to....
We were both horrendous!! We drank from age 15, took drugs, I was clubbing at 16 and both of us were having sex way before she ever met our 'first' boyfriend/girlfriend Grin
We have both turned out fine, our wild years were all over by late teens and we're now both doing well in life and are still close to our lovely (but still deluded!) Mum.

Tulipan · 16/02/2020 14:46

Looks like your mum did a good job raising you both

namechangenumber2 · 16/02/2020 14:47

I'd be ok with them being in the bedroom together but would like the door to be kept open. DS1 is 16 and yet to have a girlfriend ( that I know about!). I know a lot of his friends parents allow boyfriends/girlfriends to stay over etc which I wouldn't be overly comfortable with

PigletJohn · 16/02/2020 15:02

Of course the door must be shut. You don't want to see what's happening.

FATEdestiny · 16/02/2020 15:03

@velocitygirl7 You completely miss my point to a spectacular level. The point about mutual respect with your teenager is not assuming they do nothing 'bad'. It is recognising they are a teenager and experiment, but to develop the maturity in them to be responsible while being a normal teen with normal teen experimental behaviour.

Your mother evidentally failed in that.

My mother did not. I do not as a mum to two teens.

I have just written and deleted a whole load of explanation to the point. But actually it's not necessary.

I am not teaching my teenager to be repressed under unrealistic expectations. I know she's a teen. But I teach her, as my mum taught me, self respect and mutual respect in doing that.

In relation to the OP's situation. It's not about the fruitless endeavour to not allow privicy so that he doesn't become sexually active. It's about proactive parenting so he maintains his maturity and respect (for me, for his gf, for himself) if he is sexually active.

BeaStoic · 16/02/2020 15:19

Therefore she has her right to privacy at home. We expect mutual respect

Right to privacy and right to take a boy to her room at 15 are two different things. My DD has the former but not the latter.

We have mutual respect, she respects my rules in the home.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 16/02/2020 18:40

If they are both 15 it is very unlikely the police would prosecute.

Unlikely, yes I agree totally but it does happen.

Original poster
Dickorydockwhatthe · 18/02/2020 14:11

Yes we have had the talk countless times however condoms are not 100% effective so there's always a worry especially not knowing if she is on the pill. It's early days but they have been seeing each other daily so I don't want them to rush into things.i want rl be respectful of each other and careful. I do trust my son but he does have DLD so I have to explain things alot to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dickorydockwhatthe · 18/02/2020 14:12

My mum let me close the door and although I never had sex I did fool about so I guess I'm just cringing at the thought knowing what I got up to!!!

OP posts:
IHaveBrilloHair · 18/02/2020 14:17

Dd was coming up for 16 when she started having her by of 6 months over and closing her door.
I knew she had contraception sorted so let them be.
They now live together and have just celebrated their 3 year anniversary, she's at college, he's in his second year of a masters at Uni.

IHaveBrilloHair · 18/02/2020 14:17

Hell be 20 in April, shell be 19 in August.

Greenkit · 18/02/2020 14:25

Give them a handful of condoms and tell them to use these if they are going to have sex. Should cool the mood lol

This is what DS sister did when he had his GF round.

Just be open about sex and the consequences

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