Rules on having having girlfriends inbedroom??

[Dickorydockwhatthe]

Do you have rules?? Door open, door closed?? Ds has his gf over and I can tell he really likes her as never normally invites them around. They have just gone upstairs and closed the door!! I'm trying to be a calm mum and not freak out but I really don't want to be a granny before the age of 40!! Help!! Am I being stupid leaving them to it I mean they will do it anyway if they want to I guess!!

We have a dd aged 16 (lower sixth form) and she is allowed to have boys in her room but the door must stay open and we don’t let anyone stay overnight. It’s not about stopping her having sex as she’s old enough to do what she likes now but I don’t want her having sex at home, it makes me feel uncomfortable and my house my rules. Of course if she sneaks about when I’m out then not much I can do about that...!

When I was younger my mum was very laid back and I did whatever I wanted. I actually didn’t lose my virginity until I was 18. I think it doesn’t make much difference what you do really within reason but it’s your home so you have to be comfortable- I couldn’t stand waking up and finding dd had a boyfriend over!

If it was your daughter you were talking about then I would say trust them and let them have the door shut, as long as you’ve had proper talks about trust, consent and contraception.

The other way around I would personally ask them to leave the door open or ajar. Do you know if her parents allow them to be in her room with the door closed?

Put some condoms in his drawer.

and a lidded bin, with liner bags.

I think it is a good opportunity to demonstrate trust and then when she has gone home, sit down with your son and explain how conflicted his actions made you feel. Yes, you want to trust him but at the same time... it's a new situation and you're both working your way though it together. I suspect you will be amazed by his maturity.

Let them be in there with the door closed, and if you can hear anything tell him immediately that you could hear it (even if it causes embarassment!) That should make them more careful... nothing worse than hearing it

This is from an NHS website :

It is a criminal offence for anyone who is 16 or older to have any kind of sexual contact with someone aged 13, 14 or 15. It is also a criminal offence for both girls and boys aged 13, 14 and 15 to have consensual sex with anyone else aged 13, 14 or 15. This applies whether they are the initiating partner or the consenting partner. This criminal offence where both are aged 13, 14 or 15 applies solely to penetration of the mouth, vagina or anus with the penis and to touching of the penis vagina or anus with the mouth.

@Flossiefoo I'm not sure how your post actually contributes to the debate. I'm sure that the teenagers involved already know about being under age (just). The OP's post is about how to handle a situation that is facing them in real life and she has to be pragmatic and reasoned and not just fall back on the law. Knowing the legal line is unlikely to make a difference I suspect.

Also, home office guidelines are to NOT prosecute for underage sex where both parties consent and are considered to be able to come to that conclusion in a considered manner.

www.fpa.org.uk/factsheets/law-on-sex#refs

A better screen shot than prev post....

I posted in response to a comment made by another ..
‘They won’t prosecute a 15 yo boy for having sex with a 15yo girl! ‘

I was given loads of freedom as an adolescent - I slept in my boyfriend's beds and they in mine from 13 on. I was given information, loads of on-topic books to read, I knew about consent.
I lost my virginity at 18. I didn't need to rush. And I enjoyed it!

Not saying every teenager will be like me, but they'll do what they want to do, either with your oversight in a safe environment - or not.

I would not allow them upstairs. I think you need a discussion with your son about boundaries and respect, as applied to his girlfriend AND you and your home.