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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

14yo & 'going out' clothes

28 replies

Benzer01 · 22/01/2020 20:08

My 14yo is going to a local U15 disco for her friend's birthday in a couple of weeks. She's desperate to wear a 'boob tube' which obv shows top of chest, midriff & also a skirt, ruched which I KNOW darn well will be hoiked up. I've had chats about why these outfits are inappropriate, but she's continuing to show me Pretty Little Thing & Misguided websites (which are AWFUL). WWYD? I completely forbade it first time she went & she got changed at a friend's house into her friend's top. Needless to say it was a year before she got permission to go again....

OP posts:
sleepismysuperpower1 · 22/01/2020 20:42

that does seem to be what 14yo and up wear to these discos, that or bodycon dresses which might be a compromise, as it wouldn't show as much skin and would be harder to yank up?

Rollergirl11 · 22/01/2020 20:42

Wow. You are going to totally alienate your DD. I can guarantee that pretty much every other girl will be wearing something similar. Interested to know what you’d be happy with her wearing?

Rollergirl11 · 22/01/2020 20:46

Also interested to know why it’s inappropriate? It would be inappropriate if she wore it to a family occasion but I fail to see what the issue is for a party where everyone else will be dressed the same in little skirts and dresses. They usually team their outfits with trainers which makes it a lot more “dressed down”.

mcmen05 · 22/01/2020 22:53

Let her wear what she is comfortable wearing. Why is It inappropriate.
What did you wear to discos.

GrumpyHoonMain · 22/01/2020 22:57

Why not suggest a compromise - the boob tube over skinny jeans / body con midi skirt; or a short long sleeved body con dress. So tits and arse aren’t on display at the same time

Staywithmemyblood · 22/01/2020 23:03

I'd say let her wear it, and be glad she has the body confidence to do so. She'll be in a safe environment with kids her own age. As long as she has drop off and pick ups arranged she'll be fine. As PPs have said, all the other girls will be wearing similar and, as you've already found out, if you forbid it, she's likely to go behind your back and borrow clothes from a friend anyway 🤷‍♀️

P.S - my mum wouldn't let me get a 'boob tube' when they were in fashion in the early '80's (I was 10 with no boobs!). My friend had a red sparkly one. I still remember the injustice of it! Probably explains why I'm so lenient about my DDs choice of clothes - I'm rebelling against my DM! 😂

Original poster
Benzer01 · 23/01/2020 07:05

Thx All. Glad for the second opinions..I'm so torn. So glad she has body confidence cos I didn't. Yes, Grumpy that's what I'm aiming to do. But at the same time I hate seeing her go out dressed like this.

OP posts:
StylishMummy · 23/01/2020 07:06

All she wants is to fit in with her friends, early teens are desperate to be just like everyone else. Don't alienate her, they're just clothes

PityParty4one · 23/01/2020 07:16

Would you police how your son dressed?

Lowprofilename · 23/01/2020 07:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

YukoandHiro · 23/01/2020 07:22

She's 14. Let her look ridiculous if she's happy. We all did it! I bet you rolled your skirt up on the way to school too....
More importantly, I would think very carefully about the message you're sending when you say it's "inappropriate". Why is it? That's rape culture you're buying into there.
Teach her about consent and boundaries, and the red flags of predatory boys and men/boys and men who don't respect women's rights and freedoms.
And then let her live and enjoy her body for herself.

okiedokieme · 23/01/2020 07:24

I never bought my dd such things but she used her birthday money to similar. No I didn't like it, still don't and she's an adult but it's their choice then

Rollergirl11 · 23/01/2020 08:42

100% agree with Yuko. Teach your DD to have self confidence, awareness and to be safe. But don’t send her the message that wearing (or wanting to) those kind of clothes somehow makes her a bad person.

FishCanFly · 23/01/2020 10:42

why is it inappropriate? Hmm
And when is it correct time to wear such type of clothes if not when you're young and slim?

AgentPrentiss · 26/01/2020 04:23

Why is it inappropriate? I don’t understand?
It’s her body, and her clothes. Let her wear what she likes.

My 15yo has been wearing similar for over a year. Literally couldn’t care less. It’s what all the teen girls wear these days.

You didn’t let her go out for a year??? ConfusedShock

Shev1996 · 26/01/2020 04:29

OP you sound far too controlling. She’s doing nothing wrong, has asked to go and shown you what she will be wearing. If you keep this up she’ll start lying and you won’t know where she is

Snowflake9 · 26/01/2020 04:58

IMO OP is not bring controlling. I think it's madness that some younger girls say 13/14 look as though they are 18/19! I was shocked at the clothing selection in New Look kids section.

My parents wouldn't have allowed me to wear this, and my mum taught me the legs or chest rule from when I was about 16.

It's not about whether she would police what her son would wear, it's about raising girls to know they haven't got to show everything off in order to get attention.

AgentPrentiss · 26/01/2020 06:20

Who said anything about attention? Why can’t girls and women wear whatever they like, are comfortable in, etc without being accused of wanting attention? You would never accuse a boy or man of the same thing based on his clothing choices.

You are part of the problem.

Snowflake9 · 26/01/2020 09:32

Love island. Instagram. Etc. That's the problem.

Snowflake9 · 26/01/2020 09:35

Women can wear whatever they like. 14yo is not a woman and shouldn't be wearing clothes designed for women. (miasguided and pretty little thing are in adult sizes and modelled by adult women)

I think girls should be girls. Nothing wrong with a crop top and skinny jeans and trainers.

Snowflake9 · 26/01/2020 09:35

I also think boys and men go after attention by wearing name brands and trying to be flashy. So yes, I believe men and boys do the same.

AgentPrentiss · 26/01/2020 10:17

There’s nothing wrong with a boob tube and a skirt either.

Designed for women? Said who? Look in any clothing store aimed at teen girls and the clothes are all pretty similar. A 14yo girls body isn’t all that different to a woman’s physically. I’d pretty much finished growing at that age.

I stand by my comments. The only thing inappropriate about it is other people’s attitudes that girls are ‘sexualising’ themselves and ‘want attention’ just by wearing something they like and makes them feel good about themselves.

Rape culture alive and well.

hellcarryingahandbag · 26/01/2020 18:33

You sound old fashioned, controlling and stuffy. I don’t understand why she’s even asking permission to wear what she wants, do you want her to wear a crinoline? Let her wear what she wants, and buy her a nice handbag to go with it.

AgathaVanHelsing · 26/01/2020 20:01

OP I know it can't be easy getting used to the fact that our little girl is 'all grown up' but the reality is that she will be one day.

4 years until she is 18.

Let her experiment safely within her existing boundaries amongst her peer group with you to run to if things get uncomfortable.

What exactly do you think will happen? They are just clothes.

angell84 · 28/01/2020 00:19

No matter what you do - she will change into other clothes somewhere else.

We have all done it!

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