DD, 18, may have been ghosted on Instagram DM, stop me from committing murder

[HalloumiHarlot]

So, DD has never had a boyfriend but met a lovely boy whilst our families were volunteering at a soup kitchen on Christmas Day. The pair really hit it off and she found him on IG and messaged him. They've been chatting for almost a week until NYE when, since then, radio silence and she's been 'held on red '.
Poor DD is gutted, wracked with self doubt, confusion and sadness. It's so sad.
I'm trying to hold out that he's just busy, hungover from NYE, maybe lost his phone but I worry that she's been ghosted.
WWYD? I've been encouraging DD to send one more message to see if he picks up the conversation again but she's reluctant to do do, convinced he's not interested. From what she tells me from their previous exchanges I I don't believe that's the case.
I don't want to interfere too much but inside Mama Bear is raging and I just want to shake this lad and tell him to either get back to her or at least tell he's not interested. This, if intentional, seems so cruel.
Please advise before I go all private detective on the poor fellow and arrange an assassination...😁

I had an ongoing text and social media only "relationship" in my teens. We'd message each other when we were bored and drop each other like a hot brick when a better prospect came along. It's a good life lesson that talk is cheap.

Depending on her personapity, it might be worth checking with her whether it progressed to sexting / sending pics as if she's this disproportionately upset she may have sent something she regrets and need your reassurance. I always knew my mum had my back and would be (outwardly) non-judgemental which helped as a teen. She wasn't always on my side but it was forever clear she'd always help and support me.

Almost a week! This should t even be a blip on the radar of her life.

What you should have said when was he said that he hadn't messaged her for a day was
'ok, well you've only known him six days' or nothing at all as it should not be an issue. And I don't see why she can't ask her mates about it as they don't have boyfriends.

Maybe he has other rl friends? Or found her persistence a bit ott and wants a break. None of this deserves your wrath. Maybe he will resurface , maybe not.

Christ. Are you on of those mums who equals success with having a man? I'm cringing for you.

What you do is tell her "he's not worth you" several times and that if he ever contacts her again for her to reply with FOTTFSOFATFOSM. Preferably just with the initials. He can Google it.

Glad you're standing back, but this is likely to happen again and what you can do is to prepare her for this sort of behaviour.

Watch "He's just not that into you" with her.

The best advice you can give her is to let it go. He's not interested. His loss.

Mama Bear? FFS!

People get too involved in social media drama and your dd needs to know not to measure herself on a boy’s actions.

So use this as an opportunity to help her understand both.

OP, you begin your first post by saying your daughter ‘has never had a boyfriend but met a lovely boy’ on Christmas Day, and then you say later on that she has friends she can talk to ‘but none of them have had boyfriends either’ so they can’t advise. This suggests you are (a) mildly hung up on boyfriends and whether people have them or not and (b) were massively jumping the gun and thinking of this kid your DD met once by accident a week ago and has chatted to online as a boyfriend/potential boyfriend. Who has, in this narrative, now dumped her.

Doesn’t your DD’s circle include any platonic male friends? So she can get used to the idea that any time you meet someone of the opposite sex, it’s not necessarily a potential boyfriend situation?

My mother, left to herself, magnifies minor problems or disappointments into major failures or miseries, with the result that telling her anything is counter-productive because all she will do is multiply magnify your worry or upset back at you — the result is that none of her adult children tell her anything because it makes us feel much worse

This is EXACTLY how I feel about my mother. I was in hospital recently and didn't tell her until i had to, due to the above !

Just thinking it’s rather unfair to brand the boy unworthy etc. My DS met a girl at a group lunch who stalked him and then wouldn’t stop messaging him. He thought he was being decent by replying but then she just wouldn’t stop. Eventually had to block her. Some girls don’t know when to stop!

Seriously, OP? All this angst about a guy she met once and has messaged for a week?

Sounds like typical 18 year old behaviour...

Plenty more fish in the sea

Come on stop being a snowflake drama queen op it’s not going to do your dd any good

I remember being a similar age and being gutted when boys didn’t call etc so I remember the angst even after one evening or whatever!!
I’m sure my mum would’ve said thing like ‘there’s plenty of fish etc’
I know DD, similar age, has had some online chatting etc but it’s never turned into anything more as far as I know - but she doesn’t tell me that much. If she did I’d tell her to just put it down to experience - it’s disappointing to have maybe met a potential, but she needs to move on now (and I remember getting over-invested which was never a good move - my self-esteem was all tied up w guys).

Please stop using the term mama bear OP, it's making me cringe on your behalf.

OP, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot: some 18yo boy had met your dd at an event, then tracked her down on Instagram, been messaging her for a week- would you tell your dd she should feel bad about not answering him for a whole day? Would you tell your dd she is responsible and "not worth him" if she decides she isn't that into him?

He is not her boyfriend, he never was her boyfriend, he doesn't owe her anything. She needs to learn the difference between sadness that is nobody's fault (I would have liked this guy but he is not for me) and sadness that is somebody's fault.

Am mildly worried by all the posters piling on to tell you "He isn't worthy of her". Do we really want to encourage the idea that young people owe love/sex to anyone who happens to take a fancy to them?