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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD's first period and I'm away!

48 replies

WorriedDaughter1 · 20/12/2019 13:24

I'm away from home for a couple of days because of a family emergency and DD12 has just messaged to say that she's found some pink discharge in her pants. She's tiny and skinny, so I definitely wasn't expecting it to start so early.

She knows about periods, she has a pack of pads in her cupboard and I've talked her through using the first one. I feel so awful about being away though! I just left town today morning and I won't see her until Sunday. There's nobody at home that she can talk to either, DS17 is looking after the house and her.

I don't even know why I'm posting, it's just that I feel so sad about the timing. She's being very brave over the phone, but I wish I could hug her!

OP posts:
P1nkHeartLovesCake · 20/12/2019 13:29

Why would you need to be there? Periods are normal, they are what happen to the women of the world.

You’ve spoken about periods in the past.

She had pads already in preparation.

IF she in pain or discomfort recommend a hot water bottle to her or get DS to give her a couple of ibuprofen.

Other than that nothing to be done

Rainallnight · 20/12/2019 13:34

I think P1nk is being a bit harsh.

Of course a first period is a big deal, even though it’s then a normal thing that happens for years and years. I’d be sad too (though DD is 3 so I have a while to wait!).

Do you have Amazon Prime - if you like you could send her a little package to let her know you’re thinking of her. (I don’t necessarily equate periods with Chocolate and Bubble bath etc, but just a couple of things to make the occasion, like a nice little pouch for pads/tampons, maybe a book etc).

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 20/12/2019 13:37

She sounds well prepared and I'm sure her brother can rally round with painkillers, hot water bottle and chocolate if necessary so it's not as if she's on her own. A bit sad that you say there's no-one she can talk to at home when he's there!

Greendayz · 20/12/2019 13:41

My DD was away camping with her DB and dad (my ex) when she started. She managed with toilet paper for two days as it never crossed her mind that her dad would be perfectly capable of buying her some sanitary towels! Luckily she said this first period was very light. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it - she's told you, and you can check in by phone or messaging.

ChristmasCroissant · 20/12/2019 13:41

My daughter was a bit tearful when it happened to her (she was a bit younger) so I was glad to be around - I understand how you are feeling OP. You've done everything you can considering you are away. Hope the family emergency is sorted over the weekend.

slipperywhensparticus · 20/12/2019 13:47

Well you dont need to slap her face these days so Amazon prime some chocolate over and your good to go

GladAllOver · 20/12/2019 13:52

I also think p1nk was a bit harsh. It's not just the practical things, it's a life-changing event and I can understand why you'd want to be there for her.
Her brother is there but she may well not be able to mention it to him.

Maryann1975 · 20/12/2019 13:52

Speak to your ds, make sure he knows to be sympathetic to her and remind him that she might need painkillers. Has he had/got a girlfriend. I’d expect him to be able to deal with his sisters period if so. (I don’t mean that weirdly, but know what support she might need, ie, she doesn’t run out of pads, painkillers, something nice for her tea, a hot water bottle, tell her to have a hot bath).

eenymeenyminyme · 20/12/2019 14:04

It sounds like you've prepared her well, I wouldn't make too big a deal about it to her as you want her to take it all in her stride.

My DD was away camping with a youth group when she started! Her friend's mum sorted her out and she was fine.

Original poster
WorriedDaughter1 · 20/12/2019 14:07

Thanks. I know she'll be fine, I just wish I could have been there. DS will be kind to her, but obviously has no personal experience with managing periods! I don't think any of her friends have started either (not in the UK and kids here seem to start at 13 and above).

Coincidentally, I had ordered a Tshirt that she really wanted off Amazon Prime and that arrived today and perked her up.

I'm hoping she won't need painkillers as she hasn't learned to swallow tablets yet. We've been practising with Tictacs, but not made much progress yet.

OP posts:
halcyondays · 20/12/2019 14:08

She might not be comfortable talking about it with her brother even if he would be helpful. But at least she can message you about it and first periods usually seem to be quite light and painless, even if you end up with heavy, painful periods later on.

DecemberSnow · 20/12/2019 14:09

Ah, bless her.

She will be ok and you will too.

I would speak to your son though.
Even to just understand she maybe abit teary / grumpy.
He obviously is mature and they have a good relationship as you have left your daughter with him, so he should be able to handle it

Spartonian · 20/12/2019 14:10

Calpol 6+ will still be fine to use in liquid form or fastmelts.

halcyondays · 20/12/2019 14:11

If she needs it, could she just have Calpol or children’s liquid ibuprofen?

legalseagull · 20/12/2019 14:16

It's nice that you want to be there but tbh I find this a bit weird. It's not a sad or scary thing. Why would she need a hug? Every girl I remember, myself included, was happy to get their period as it made them feel more grown up. It's really not some life changing moment for most people. It's just something they've known about for years and she sounds prepared for.

Original poster
WorriedDaughter1 · 20/12/2019 14:27

Liquid ibuprofen is a good idea. I think we have a bottle at home and DS can dispense it if need be. She's asked me not to tell him yet, but he's unfailingly lovely with her, so that should be fine. He's not had a girlfriend and his knowledge of periods is purely theoretical. Mine have always been light and trouble-free, so I'm hoping DD takes after me.

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 20/12/2019 14:28

Calpol do chewable tablets at a push

ReceptionTA · 20/12/2019 14:30

I hate all the "it's no big deal" posts on first period threads.

I was physically shaking when I got my first. I would have loved a hug and a chat with my mum.

At work I have girls come to me when they have their first period. I haven't spoken to some of them for years, but I guess they need some reassurance and not just the practicality of being provided with sanitary protection.

Modern technology men's you can have a chat with her, OP. You can praise her for being so grown up and sensible, bless her.

hellswelshy · 20/12/2019 14:35

Op I understand. Both my dd's had their first recently, and whilst their reactions were different they both needed reassurance and me. It's just bad luck you're away, couldn't be helped. Keep in touch as often as possible and agree ask you ds to be extra kind Wink

Original poster
WorriedDaughter1 · 20/12/2019 14:36

One question, can she use tampons right from the start? I've always found them very uncomfortable and never used them, but she's very athletic and pads might not always be convenient for her. If so, what kind should I be looking for?

OP posts:
Nquartz · 20/12/2019 14:41

I (and some of my friends) used tampons early on, I hated pads. Took a bit of practice but once I got the hang of them it was fine.

My brother was always very nice to me when I had horrendous period pains so I'm sure her DB will be too (and he was horrible to me at others Grin)

LongLiveThePenis · 20/12/2019 14:50

It's a rite of passage, of course OP would want to be there for her daughter.
Yes, she can use tampons straight away but will need to practice in case of leaks.

whyamidoingthis · 20/12/2019 14:52

Every girl I remember, myself included, was happy to get their period as it made them feel more grown up. It's really not some life changing moment for most people.

^This.

I also think, as the first few tend to be spotting, most girls don't get much in the way of pain for the first while, so that's unlikely to be an issue.

I was away when dd had her first period. She was 10 but as I had noticed signs for the previous year, she was well prepared. It was dh I felt most sorry for - he had to listen to a lecture on the merits and demerits of towels vs tampons Grin

angell84 · 20/12/2019 14:56

You don't need to be there. I remember my mum talking to me about my first one for ages, and making a huge deal about it at the time. I didn't want to talk about it with her!

I would ask your daughter does she want to talk about it or not. Ask her what she wants, tell her that if she needs you - you are there. She might not want to talk about it with you at all

angell84 · 20/12/2019 14:57

I just think mothers tend to - though well meaning - think of themselves first.

Simply asking what your daughter wants - is the best thing that you can do

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