Ways to bond with your teenager?

[sundaynightflight]

Son is almost a teenager and I can already feel our closeness waning.

He doesn't want to play board games (or much else!) with me anymore and I'm looking for suggestions of things we can do together, ideally whilst we can talk too (so probably not the cinema!).

We watch series' together and sometimes he'll help cook but I'd say we spend only about an hour or less together a day and I want to keep that parent-child bond strong.

Any suggestions please?

I have taken mine out for Starbucks, chatter about what every he is interested in - usually gaming related. He opens up when I ask questions about his gaming as he loves to talk about it.
Going for walks also seems to help - after a certain time the walking also seems to loosen his tongue and he starts telling me stuff.
Sometimes we go to the cinema together and get a McFlurry afterwards

Bowling can work as a shared activity. Ours also like planning holidays, meals out to places they like.

An Escape Room is great as a treat.

Anything food related.

I join in with the games when they dont have friends online to play with, watch a tv series together, go for walks or bike rides to the shops so there is a purpose rather than being out just to be with each other if that makes sense. My teen and I watch meteor showers together, go look at the sea when the tide is high. He shows me funny videos and vice versa. Try not to force it too much, find things you have in common and go from there. If you try and force it then they will likely push away a bit

Pizza and film night at home, cooking together - my teens love recipe boxes as they are premeasured, and they are good for confidence. They also like decorating, decluttering and doing house stuff. We play games online together, but they still like board games, it’s just finding ones that work for you. I also try to show interest in their hobbies and am now an expert in grip tape for skateboards.

We are through the teenage years just....don’t panic. They come back to you. Communication...but no pressure...communication..etc

Walking is always a good one, my son tells me more out walking than he ever would usually. Any opportunity to 'say it sideways' is good, so a drive in the car works too.
A lot of teenage boys, mine included, are relentless eating machines and will go anywhere for a bit of grub so Nandos, KFC, local Italian etc.
On the rare occasion I get some time with my son, we go for a walk somewhere and then get some food. It seems to work for us. He's often reluctant to leave the house when he doesn't have to, but he enjoys it when he does.

Another vote for food- even if just a subway or a coffee shop.

We chat while drive to and from sports practice. He doesn’t have to make eye contact (bonus from his point of view) and can’t escape (bonus from my POV). I know an astonishing amount about military history, gaming and how he would have planned battles differently (based on his strategies from gaming). I am not in the least interested in these topics, but would never let this show! Any communication is to be encouraged. (Currently we have a YouTube video of the sinking of the Bismarck playing in the background!)

Indoor climbing.
I think it's the answer to everything.
Or parkrun. Even if he runs off ahead you can chat on the way there and back.

A friend of mine gave me some brilliant advice at around that age, and it was: find something that bonds the whole family together. She got a dog. We discovered Dc loved theatre and very modern art shows so we started going out to those once a month. That's not often, but it set a precedent. Then I started taking them to gigs they couldn;t go to unaccomopanied.

We also went on hikes - sometimes up big hills and mountains, other times just round the local woods. They are almost old enough to leave home now but we still go for long walks a few times a week together and if ever they have a problem or we're in disagreement about something or I need to give advice but don;t want to lecture or nag, then we walk. If you are sportier, going for a run, going to the gym, etc all work. My DS2 couldn't swim by age 12 so we went once a week for a year until he could, and ended up swimming a mile together. That was very good bonding.

Another good way is to find comedies you all like. At that age some of the classics work - Father Ted or Parks & Rec. Now they prefer edgier or odder stuff like SNL or Vic & Bob.But it's great bonding.

We also do pizza nights on Fridays - choose a film (take it in turns) turn the lights off, like a cinema and have home made pizza and popcorn - about once a month.

Cooking together, shopping for a new fashion look, designing a new look bedroom then painting it and assembling the furniture together - anything that seems to him to be you allowing him to change and mature rather than keep him as a little boy.

Another thing that worked for us was having bonfires. Or get a fire pit, light it and make some mocktails, add very long skewers for roasting sausages and toasting marshmallows. Sit around and chat.

At that age they so long to be grown and cool, so I played into that and asked lots of questions like: if you had to spend a million pounds in 24 hours, what would you buy? Or: describe your dream house/dream job/dream car etc. It gave me insight into their changing outlook on life too.

There's some great advice on this thread already. One thing I'd add is that I find teens can be chatty but at random times which you can't predict. So I try very hard to pick up when they do want to talk and stop what I'm doing and make time for them.

It does also depend on the child. DD likes helping me cook whilst having control of the music we listen to do she can play me stuff she likes (occasionally I play get something too) We have a Google Home and Spotify premium which helps a lot. DS has never done that but does about going for walks. I've also managed to get them interested in politics which gives lots of things to talk about.

Understand that he will want his own space.
Don’t try to be cool as teens often find this cringeworthy.
If he doesn’t want to spend time with you, don’t see it as he doesn’t think as much of you.
Teens can be feeling incredibly self conscious about their body, thoughts etc.
When I first wore a bra, I felt my whole family would be able to tell. I felt so embarrassed and self conscious. Same when I started my periods. It’s a horrible feeling.
Your son isn’t necessarily growing away from you. He’s more likely to be growing more into himself.
The fact hat you’re concerned is a great start.
My older 3 children used to think the sun shone out my bottom. Then they turned into teenagers and although lovely, if I were to speak to them in public they would set me on fire with their eye balls! X

I seem to spend a lot of money in coffee shops but feel it is money well spent. Both of my teenagers are good for a chat over a coffee, possibly with a bun thrown in. And i like it as well, so there is no underlying feeling of me having to do it or forced chat.. Plus its a great neutral space. We’ve pretty much worked our way thorough and critiqued the whole Pret menu.

Also agree re finding a tv programme - possibly one a bit more adult than you would ideally have chosen (we‘re now beyond Strictly, unfortunately). I’ve watched The Good Place with both DC, DH has done Brooklyn 99 and the Mighty Boosh. It a really nice bonding experience if you can find something that works for you

One thing I'd add is that I find teens can be chatty but at random times which you can't predict. So I try very hard to pick up when they do want to talk and stop what I'm doing and make time for them.

This ^ for sure.

Teens - and I'd say boys in particular - are much more likely to talk to you when they aren't looking at you. SO,
i) give them lifts in the car.
ii) if you can find a joint hobby - like climbing or hiking where you spend time together but not in an 'intense' way like 'going for a coffee to chat'.
iii) the 'walking the dog' tip above

I would 100% recommend being the driver for his hobby - football team or whatever, again, so you are 'around' but not 'making appointments to talk to him'.

But I'd agree with others who say, do accept that it is really normal for teens to disappear into their own rooms for a few years, and be reassured that they do come out the other side.

I spent hours ferrying my son to rugby, rowing etc. He has no dad so I felt especially the need to be there and support his activities. I volunteered in the kitchens and tried to go to as many matches as possible. Being in the car meant we could talk without having eye contact which helped. I also watch more football matches on TV than I ever thought possible - I couldn't care less about it but he's passionate so I'm there watching with him.
With my daughter I take her on all day craft workshops. We also watch a few episodes of a box set most nights. And I always ask about her day which she tells me about in excruciating detail!
Be interested in what he's interested in.

I was just going to post 'Food'!

Also movies, videos, shopping, and listening. Just knowing you'll listen and let them make mistakes. Mine all talk to me.

My sons are early teens. We go to football matches together, cook, watch TV, go out for a coffee/meal. I take each one separately, so they have some one on one time with me.

We always sit down for dinner together and chat then. We always have a box set on the go, so it’s a good way to call everyone together for an hour or so, and end up chatting before/after. Currently on The IT Crowd which they find hilarious being computer nerds themselves

We also all love art and crafts so at the weekend sometimes sit down and make something. Even DD1 who’s 19 has gone off into adulthood a bit, but still comes back to us for a bit of family time when we’re watching something together.

Jokes
Youtube videos he likes
Out for coffee
funny tv programmes
formula one

Mine are older teens and we all spend a lot of time together. We watch different shows, go for coffee, play board games etc. They share things they've seen on the Internet and humour me when I try and join in on the xbox (although I do over play how rubbish I am.)

We've never really had the teen silences or sulking. We had a brief period of door slamming but that stopped when a new, deeper pile carpet was put down making a good door slam nigh on impossible! They're great company and the teen years have been my favourite so far.

Movies. I have teen boys, and while I wouldn’t have naturally been drawn to them I’ve ended up getting really into Star Wars and the MCU. We go to the cinema together, we often get takeaway afterwards, and they can both talk your ear off about various obscure movie trivia. (And Ds1 especially will critique the physics in any action movie!) And they show me all the random memes. I also have different Netflix series on the go with each of them.

I feel the same with my almost 14 year old DS- he doesn't want to do anything outside his room! We played squash together for the first time about a month ago and both really enjoyed it, was nice to find something we can do together.

Keep talking/listening - do chores/cook together rather than tell him what chores he needs to go. Go out for walks/something to eat/driving car/eat together at the table and talk.

Just keep talking little and often, even if it is about Fifa, football or other shite you are not remotely interested in.

I find it difficult because when she does want to talk it's about gaming, you tube videos, relatable memes, some k-pop celebrity.

And I don't have a clue what she's going on about half the time.

Of course as soon as I'm up to speed on one thing, then durrrrr that's so last year Mum no one talks about that any more 🙄