Ways to bond with your teenager?

[sundaynightflight]

Son is almost a teenager and I can already feel our closeness waning.

He doesn't want to play board games (or much else!) with me anymore and I'm looking for suggestions of things we can do together, ideally whilst we can talk too (so probably not the cinema!).

We watch series' together and sometimes he'll help cook but I'd say we spend only about an hour or less together a day and I want to keep that parent-child bond strong.

Any suggestions please?

Also the lectures

Got a massive one because I accidentally called a celebrity I hadn't heard of by the wrong pronoun.

Also because she was talking about an asexual person and I said I felt sad for them. Which was obviously a stupid thing to say, I can see that. But the FIREWORKS.

Also the climate change lectures. Which I wholeheartedly agree with so she's preaching to the converted, but it doesn't stop her.

So I find myself smiling and nodding, but not saying very much. Because it's probably wrong anyway. That seems to work for a bit, and then she disappears into her room for another several hours and I feel relieved but guilty.

Mine will never say no to lunch out. Doesn't have to be expensive. A walk round the shops together tacked on after. It might not be the most worthy way to pass the time but they like it and this makes them amenable and therefore chatty.

Adolescence is complex, instinctively your child feels the need to establish and evidence their capacity to be independent from you. If you think of the early years as you walking ahead leading them, sometimes standing in front of them to protect them and at other points picking them up and carrying them - none of these previously needed roles will be welcomed come adolescence. My thing has always been fine, I can adapt but I won't tolerate disrespect. Tell me nicely to do one please.

As a stance, I try to keep myself walking alongside. Even if I see the need to go in front I make it look like I'm not and that they are leading - skilled work and very much a strategic position. Well worth the investment though. 12-25 is a massive period of development for we humans, it's a demanding parenting balancing act esp when you're probably working and managing your own life transitions.

Just bear in mind that it's an essential developmental phase for him to grow apart from you. Give him the space he needs but keep the metaphorical door open for communication too.

Agree with others, don't try to force anything or be a 'cool mum'. We were lucky in that our DS always loved cards and board games & even during the difficult teenage years we nearly always had Sunday evenings together sharing a meal & playing board games (delighted that only 2 weeks ago on the first weekend home from uni for Christmas he wanted to play Cluedo ).

Providing lifts & support for sports, hobbies etc is good (so long as you don't speak to their mates!). Lunches out, shopping trips (splitting up & meeting for lunch) work well.

My oldest is 18, OP. There was a phase (from about 13-14) when he just wanted to go on his X- box and would spend hours holed up with it - but by the time he was 16 or so, he'd come back into the land of the living and he now plays board games with me, chats, cooks, etc, etc with me around. In the school holidays (he's at boarding school), he even now comes on boring trips with me to Sainsbury's etc if he's got nothing else to do, because he seems to like giving me his opinions about everything conversing with me. DD is 15 and is still in the 'mostly in her bedroom' phase, but she does emerge sometimes to talk to me. Mostly at 10PM when I want to go to bed.

I suppose the main thing is to be available. Every now and then it will pay off.

Thank you all. We are off for a day of shopping and lunch tomorrow

I agree with the PPs who mentioned walks, I've had longer chats walking to town/anywhere than at any other time, and he tells me how much he enjoys walking with me! The other thing we do sometimes (during the 'darkest' 6 months of the year) on a clear night is go out down a nearby country lane (we live rurally) and watch the stars...we often see shooting stars and stand together in the darkness and chat about life

Get a dog. They are an excellent excuse to drag everyone out for walks, and also to talk 'through' sometimes (DC will say things to the dog that they might not say to you directly).

My DC are now both mostly away from home, and most of my parenting is done via WhatsApp, so sending cute pics of the dog is a reason to be regularly in touch without seeming intrusive or demanding.

Two words, Peaky Blinders, this will bond you forever 😊

Lots of lovely ideas here but I find in reality it’s very tricky. I work full time as does my partner. Our kids spend inordinate amounts of time in their rooms in their devices. I suggest walks, going for coffee but they are not interested. The only time I feel we get a chance to speak is around the dinner table once a day. I feel a huge wedge and it’s really upsetting. Their social lives via snap chat/ instagram etc.. is their sole focus. Even if we do go for a walk they are constantly on their phones

Just don’t try too hard.

Our job as parents is to prepare them to leave us.

We have the PlayStation in the lounge, it maintains the contact if not the chat, sometimes we make pancakes together, we always eat together but I don't know, it's not enough.

Is it ok to leave them
With their phones “ plugged in” for hours on end? I understand they are more independent and encourage this as it’s a positive thing but I feel they are wasting their lives/ opportunities doing nothing meaningful by taking selfies all day long...... I did not raise my daughters to be so self obsessed and uninterested in what life has to offer 😣 🙄 do I just let them get on with it and hope they eventually come to their senses??? I’m a relatively young mum (40) with a 13 & 16 year old and can not relate to my 13 year old at all. It’s all false lashes, makeup, orange tan, porn star nails ( shudder) aka the tranny look ( apologies if that’s offensive) Asking her to play a game, come for a walk involves her phone coming too..... I never seem to have her full attention or interest. I admire the posts on here re cooking etc.... I would love that but it just gets met with a sigh and an eye roll

My boys are 20 and 18 now so I'm almost out the other side, but I like to think I've managed to maintain a good bond with both of them.

Does your son do any activities? DS2 played football and I found we used to chat a lot in the car on the way to matches. He likes telling me all about what's going on in the Premier League,. It's extremely dull, but I feign an interest! Also, take the time to watch the stupid videos on You Tube they find funny. I sometimes send mine silly memes or videos I come across on social media (send via message though, NEVER tag them publicly!)

DS1 and I bond over music. We've got similar tastes and both love one particular band who we've seen live together a few times.

Walking the dog is always good and we all bond over the dog as we love him so much. It gives us something in common to discuss.

I think it's important not to try too hard and don't push them to do activities 'as a family' if they don't want to. The more you push, the more resistance you'll get!

Find a sport you are both interested in and have no knowledge of and learn together. We started watersports last summer, kayaking and paddleboard and windsurfing and dd does dragon boating as well.

We learned to kayak together and it's lovely once you know the basics to just go for a paddle together.

We do have ponies and I had always thought that it would be a good bond between me and dd. She's sacked ponies for watersports now though and I always found with the ponies I was in teaching mode so although we were together we were in a different place mentally. Because neither of us had a clue with the watersports we learnt together.