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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

At wits end with packed lunches

109 replies

eenymeenyminyme · 03/11/2019 09:52

DD16 refuses to eat sandwiches at school. We've tried pitta, wraps, etc but they just come home coz she 'didn't fancy them'.
She likes the idea of school dinners like her friends have but I can't afford the £50+ a month that it would cost.
I do put some money in her lunch payment account and she spends it on muffins which she'd happily eat for lunch every day but that's just not nutritionally sensible.
She's got me over a barrel as I either give her food and she'll bring it home or I'll give her money and she'll eat muffins or I give her nothing and she'll not eat anything.
What can I put in her lunch box to tempt her to eat sensibly, which isn't bready?!

OP posts:
Heismyopendoor · 03/11/2019 17:13

I’d let her be. She’s a big girl and can sort herself out. At 16 I had a full time time and didn’t live at home (don’t get me wrong moved back home a year later lol). More than capable of sorting out lunch.

CherryPavlova · 03/11/2019 17:21

Let her take control of what she eats. Let her take responsibility for sorting herself out. She might enjoy baking her own muffins - a breakfast muffin for lunch won’t harm.
You waiting on her and making food a big issue for a sixteen year old is almost asking for problems. If she sees the only control she can have over her food as a choice of eating or not, odds are she’ll choose not. If she sees eating is a huge issue to appease you she has ultimate control through not eating.
Tell her to sort her own lunch and leave her to do so without your oversight and interference.

CherryPavlova · 03/11/2019 17:23

www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/breakfast-muffins

thedevilwithbarty · 03/11/2019 17:23

I do homemade pasties every week, chicken curry or cheese and onion (made with leftover mashed potato)

If you don't want to dick around making shortcrust you can buy ready rolled puff pastry - couldn't be easier. My teenagers love them and will eat them when they would grumble over a boring old sandwich (I'd rather have a nice sandwich, personally)

Sweetpeach3 · 03/11/2019 18:14

What about pastas ? My DSS was fussy an had Tuna pasta cold or chicken an bacon pasta etc Or does she like pot noodles or pasta pots etc could easily take a flask of boiling water (if she's sensible enough) my SS did this a few times or even soup and a bread roll. Their is a lot of other options

Never forget he once asked me for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I didn't realise it was peanut butter and jam and instead used strawberry jelly and peanut butter hahaha he still ate it ? Envy x

anylimes · 03/11/2019 19:13

The "they're so stressed they're doing their GCSEs". How bizarre. I mean its only November! Parents are the ones going nuts in my view - and the anxiety is being passed onto their teenage children. Ridiculous of OP to wave flag of anorexia, just because her daughter doesn't like her sandwiches.

Some teens are just fussy eaters. Some teens will eat crap no matter what you do short of following them around. Its frustrating for the parent, and I think this is what the OP could have asked rather than accusing posters of being insensitive to anorexia when she hadn't even mentioned it Confused.

There are limits to what you can do.

  1. Fill a fridge with healthy food and get your DD to make suggestions there as well - so she can make her own pack lunches.
  1. Make your choice of pack lunches that will get thrown in the bin.
  1. Pay £50 for school lunches - but knowing she will spend most of this on muffins and other crap; but she might choose some proper food sometimes? Schools should really NOT sell this muffins rubbish but they do. I've complained, to no avail.
anylimes · 03/11/2019 19:15

Cherry makes some good points.

Its about backing off if positive ideas are of no interest.

IHaveBrilloHair · 03/11/2019 20:27

The more you dance around her, the more she'll do it.

lljkk · 03/11/2019 20:33

WE had problems with DS truanting, I didn't need to given him extra reasons to be furious (hangry). So I fully understand OP wanting to do something not nothing.

At moment I think DD gets a jam sandwich & she takes a huge pile of biscuits. I'd rather she had something more healthy, but at least she does engage with food choices. I imagine you need to negotiate this with your DD, OP.

Odd idea I have.. could you try making some savory muffins at home? Give her cooking skills & maybe go for somewhat healthier options, like courgette or carrotcake style?

DisneyMadeMeDoIt · 03/11/2019 20:41

OP I’m pretty sure I lived on flap jack and orange juice my entire secondary school life and still turned out to be a perfectly healthy hummus munching, veg chomping, nutrient savvy, meal prepping 20 something.

16 is a weird stage where pushing too hard about food can cause more harm than good.
Unless she has a weight problem I’d give her money for muffins but on the condition she has a healthy family evening meal

Racmactac · 03/11/2019 21:38

I never ate lunch at school. I survived just fine and I don't have eating issues.

Let her crack on. As long as you've provided a meal in the evening and she's had breakfast I'd leave her to it.

BertrandRussell · 03/11/2019 21:43

You say she’s vulnerable- in what sort of way?

DartmoorChef · 03/11/2019 21:48

Sausage rolls / cocktail sausages and cold pizza are no better than muffins. If she's eating a decent breakfast and dinner then I would just let her have what she wants at lunch.

Cantstoppiggingout · 03/11/2019 22:01

How about egg 'muffins'?

This is basically an omelette mix with a few added extras such as bacon, salmon, chives, onion, cheese, etc, which is then poured into muffin cases/tray and baked in the oven at 180° for ~15 mins until golden and set (you can vary the filling from day to day). Nice eaten hot or cold, and don't smell too strongly.

Original poster
eenymeenyminyme · 04/11/2019 07:41

BertrandRussell
You say she’s vulnerable- in what sort of way?

How is that relevant? I'm just asking what to put in her lunch box!

Thanks for the continuing useful suggestions, she's going to make her own selection from a range of bits and as long as there's protein and f&v in there I'm happy.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 04/11/2019 07:49

Because the answer will be very different for a child with physical or mental health issues, or who is bullied or has been bullied, for example. It wasn’t a trick question!

ODFOx · 04/11/2019 08:06

I had exactly this issue with my 15YO OP.
Food isn't high on her list of priorities even though she gets hangry and is horrid when she needs to eat) but, as some pp have said, putting the choice/responsibility with her really helped. Often she makes herself the same things she rejected when I prepared them (go figure!).
Making her own lunch has become 'a thing' and she does it while on video chat with her friend who makes her own lunch at the same time. bonkers what they can find the need to chat about!
FWIW I make sure that breakfast and dinner are full of protein and F+V so if she chooses beige stodge for lunch I don't have to berate her about it. Today for example the girl who won't eat a sandwich if I made it has taken cheese sandwich, cheese strings, cherry toms, an apple and a fairy cake for break. Not the most balanced meal but one battle less.

ODFOx · 04/11/2019 08:08

pressed send too soon. I hope it works out for you OP. It looks as if you've come to a positive compromise. If you can find some info on what her peer group are eating it might help to target what you have to buy in.

Beamur · 04/11/2019 08:12

My DD doesn't eat a lot at school. She'll only have cold food and doesn't like the sandwiches available. So she either has crackers and cheese or a buttered roll. Plus a muffin/flapjack and a carton of juice.
Eats well at home and is a good weight.
Unless you're worried she is avoiding eating, I wouldn't fret too much over a modest lunch.

Apolloanddaphne · 04/11/2019 08:14

To be honest I would just put the amount of money you can afford on her lunch card and let her buy a muffin of that's what she wants. If it doesn't work out letting her choose from a selection in the fridge than just go with the muffins. It is better than no food at all. Having been through the teenage years with my DDs this is an age where they want to take control and sometimes you just have to let them get on with it.

pollysproggle · 04/11/2019 08:40

Look up thermoscafe. It's a newish thermos for food which is great, I picked one up in Tesco for £6. My DS doesn't want sandwiches but doesn't want to queue for the hot school lunch.
The flask fits a whole ready meal sized container of hot food in it and he says it's hot enough at lunch time.
I buy a few ready meals and heat up leftovers for him to take. It always gets eaten!

LesLavandes · 04/11/2019 08:47

What parent has time to make homemade sushi for a packed lunch 😂😂😂

ODFOx · 04/11/2019 16:23

@LesLavandes
You know that sushi is just vinegar rice ? It's less effort to cook rice and dress it/leave it to cool than it is to make most fillings for sandwiches. My Dd just presses it into shapes straight into her lunchbox or rolls it in nori as if making a wrap. Pretty quick and no more effort than sandwiches.

WomensRightsAreContraversial · 04/11/2019 17:18

@ODFOx do you have a recipe please? I love sushi but have always been put off trying to make it by thinking rolling it up is a faff. Of course I could just leave the nori off and hand shape it, duh!!

WomensRightsAreContraversial · 04/11/2019 17:23

OP - I would imagine that the best way to help prevent her getting an eating disorder is to help her to learn healthy coping strategies for stress.

M&S do mini tubs of mini sausages, sausage rolls etc - maybe a trip to a petrol station selling m&s stuff together would prove fruitful in terms of tempting bits and bobs?