At wits end with packed lunches

[eenymeenyminyme]

DD16 refuses to eat sandwiches at school. We've tried pitta, wraps, etc but they just come home coz she 'didn't fancy them'.
She likes the idea of school dinners like her friends have but I can't afford the £50+ a month that it would cost.
I do put some money in her lunch payment account and she spends it on muffins which she'd happily eat for lunch every day but that's just not nutritionally sensible.
She's got me over a barrel as I either give her food and she'll bring it home or I'll give her money and she'll eat muffins or I give her nothing and she'll not eat anything.
What can I put in her lunch box to tempt her to eat sensibly, which isn't bready?!

I assume those who are suggesting she can just go hungry haven't had to deal with anorexia.

Well at the moment it sounds like your (nearly adult) daughter is attempting to guilt you in to buying her school dinners by refusing to eat a perfectly good packed lunch, so the logical response to that is to call her bluff and let her carry on doing what she’s doing. She is not going to develop anorexia from not eating lunch because she doesn’t want her sandwiches. If you think she may have an eating disorder then that is a different matter, but it might have been wise to mention it in your original post so people can advise accordingly?

Thanks CottonSock maybe some mini savoury muffins in a bento box might work!

Does she have acsses to hot water ? Dd (13) hates cold lunches so takes instant noodles not great I know but some of them do have tofu in....

I’ve got two teenage girls and neither of them have ever liked sandwiches.

They have
Pasta or fried rice in a thermos funtainer
Chicken Cesar salad I. A sistema salad box
Bento stuff in a yumbox (loads of websites on this)

For the less helpful replies - no she's not anorexic

Only on mumsnet could a request for lunch ideas turn into an attack on how I choose to parent my daughter...

She’s 16. Why are you still making her lunch?

Nobody has attacked you ffs.

rainbowconfetti
I beg to differ

peachypetite
She’s 16. Why are you still making her lunch?

Stop waving anorexia around if it's not an issue, that's bloody offensive.

She's 16. You can't control what she eats on her own time. Give her the money you can afford to and feed her well at home.

Food restricting due to anorexia is teens is not the same as refusing packed lunches in favour of muffins FFS.

So your not actually dealing with anorexia but want to berate people for not taking into account that you COULD be?!? Sounds rather unhelpful too OP

Meh forget my advice then, you clearly aren't here for it.

why have you just quoted me back? The point is she isn’t a child and nothing you do is good enough for her so why still pander?

I stopped giving my DDs money as they were just buying muffins and cookies.... they don’t really want much during the day. They take a bag of crisp and some carrot sticks now and say that’s enough!

Buy a wide necked food flask from Wilkos. DS has one for his packed lunch. He either takes a portion of left over food from the night before (chicken risotto or pasta and meatballs with tomato sauce) or we buy good quality ramen noodle pots and I prep them in the morning - add bliling water and some cooked peas, carrots and sweetcorn (either left over from night before or I cook them in the microwave for three mins.) Sometimes he chooses soup with a crusty roll. All of this works out at about £1.50 per meal.

Then I add fruit and a healthy-ish snack and he's happy
It's no more faff than sandwiches but warming food. he says his mates often think it looks and smells nicer than school dinners.

@eenymeenyminyme

My daughter is exactly the same. I feel your pain. I get why you mentioned anorexia- this age is so stressful for them and lots of her friends already have eating issues and I'd do anything to not go down that road.

My theory is that she can eat whatever she wants during the day and I can concentrate on the healthy stuff at home so if she'll only eat muffins then so be it.

What's the issue some PPs have with making lunch for 16 year olds? They are doing GCSEs. It's about the busiest, most stressful time of their school years. I happily make DC's lunch in the mornings. They have a lot to think about, especially when they are studying up to 10 subjects!

You're very defensive which in turn will not help if you feel your ds risks an eating disorder.

If you're making as much of an issue and being as aggressive with her about food that will be the thing that makes food an issue. (From personal experience).

Make sure she has a day in what food you buy. Let her make her own lunches (bento boxes are a great idea) and stop giving her money.

Let her make the choice and feel in control of what she eats. If she's using her own money for muffins she's not starving herself but learning to prioritise her spending.

My ds is also year 11. He's an athlete. He makes his own lunch and has rolls available with fillings, crisps, fruit veg and cereal bars etc. Some days he has more than others. Somedays he doesn't eat it. Somedays he chooses to spend his pocket money on a cake or chocolate (or both!). His choice. He tends to don it less now he wants the money for other things and so has learnt to budget.

And yes year 11 have a lot of stuff to focus on. But it doesn't prevent them from spending 5 minutes in a morning making lunch. It also means they get more say and are therefore more likely to eat it!

I have far more to think about but don't expect anyone else to feed me when I'm entirely capable of doing it myself!

What does she like to eat? Start from there.

You could make chicken skewers, salami rolled round cream cheese, cubes of cheddar, little crackers. Sort of replicate those dairylea lunch boxes. But I know a big issue can be not wanting their lunch to smell.

At the moment my 16 yo boy likes just a half loaf of french bread. It's not great but he gets plenty protein and vitamins in his other meals.

But she's not doing anything that suggests she's at risk of anorexia! She wants to eat, with her friends, but that's unaffordable. She does not want to eat a homemade lunch with them, so she buys muffins. There is no food restriction or control by your DD going on there.

Sone really helpful ideas there from parents who really 'get it' - thank you so much

Adding in anorexia to just say no she’s not anorexic is bloody offensive to people with eating disorders. And someone asking why are you still making a 16 year olds lunch isn’t an attack, it’s a valid question

As a parent of an anorexic teen, I'm furious with your blythe appropriation of my child's illness and experience, and your assertion that I "don't get it". I sincerely hope you never actually get what keeping a person with an eating disorder upright and alive entails

1. She's not anorexic but she's in a place in her life where friends who have been have warned me that she's vulnerable. Surely prevention is better than cure?

1. I choose to make her lunches. She is perfectly capable of cooking for herself and often cooks for both of us.

1. How I choose to parent my own daughter is no-one's business but mine. Everyone parents differently and I don't think anyone has it 100% right, we all just do what works for us don't we?