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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Is teenager being ungrateful or am I being unreasonable?

35 replies

Timewaitsfornobody · 24/10/2019 16:56

Teenager asked for a specific thing for Christmas last year. I bought it for him with a related add on. The two items cost £120 combined. He has never used the items and now says he doesn’t want them and has asked me to sell them for him. If I sell them I think the most I could get is £30 for the two items combined because he no longer has the boxes and obviously they are second hand. I told him I won’t help him to sell them because I feel he should be grateful for gifts and not ask me as the giver to sell them for a fraction of what I paid for them. I told him he can sell them himself but not involve me. He has ranted and raged and told me I am being unreasonable and ridiculous as the items are sat gathering dust. I just don’t feel I should be able expected to sell them for him as it is akin to me just setting fire to the money last December.

Would you sell them for your teenager in these circumstances?

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 24/10/2019 16:57

Teen is being U!

StoatofDisarray · 24/10/2019 16:59

He should sell them himself. I'm not surprised you're miffed!

Whoops75 · 24/10/2019 17:02

I think teens should be allowed to make mistakes. He lost out on a gift he didn’t enjoy so you’re not the only one to lose.

I would sell the item and ask him to think more carefully about this years choice.

hunterhal · 24/10/2019 17:03

I would probably sell them, but I can understand you might feel aggrieved as they were gifts. But if they were computer type things (I'm guessing) its hard to see the sentimental aspect. He doesn't use them or want them, computer type things go out of date quickly, and children and teens outgrow them.

If you feel unable to because they were a present, why can't he sell them at a local shop etc?

MonChatEstMagnifique · 24/10/2019 17:06

If this was my son, I know he's feel guilty for not having used something that he'd asked for and I'd spent money on. He would have apologised for wasting my money and in that circumstance I would help him sell them. So it depends on his attitude.

fedup21 · 24/10/2019 17:07

Has he said why he can’t sell them? Because he doesn’t know how? Is he 13 or 18?

LoyaltyBonus · 24/10/2019 17:08

I can see you point but does he have the means/knowledge to sell them himself?

I'd expect him to have considerable input but I think (once I'd calmed down) I'd help him work out what to do and set up accounts etc, with a bit of education about scams he might encounter.

Loopytiles · 24/10/2019 17:10

He has the means to work out how to sell the stuff himself. OP seeking to address his mistake, which was at her financial expense signals that his behaviour has been OK.

MrsDimmond · 24/10/2019 17:11

How is selling the tems the same as setting fire to money ...The money was spent and the only person 'missing out' is your ds who had a gift he didn't use.

If he was denanding something to replace his gifts you would have a point. But I think your anger is misplaced.

Would you help him to sell it if he used it every day but had now had enough?

I honestly don't see the problem. He was the one that got it wrong and chose an unsuitable present. Maybe he'll think more carefully about what he asks for in the future. But I don't see that you've lost out, other than the mussing the pleasure in seeing his pleasure.

Original poster
Timewaitsfornobody · 24/10/2019 17:14

He isn’t remorseful about not ever using the items. They are not the first items he has asked for that have gone unused. Previously it has been football boots and clothing that haven’t had a single use. He knows money is not abundant in our family as well.

OP posts:
MrsDimmond · 24/10/2019 17:16

I understand your frustration. And if you want him to be responsible for sorting things out himself fine, don't help him. But it makes no sense to equate it to.losing more money.

hunterhal · 24/10/2019 17:22

I always impress upon my teen what a waste it is if things are paid good money for but aren't used. That said, we all make mistakes when excited, even as big grown uppies who should know better.

don't know what else you can do OP. If its a prolifigate (spelling?) spending attitude generally the only way you can reign that in generally I would say is to limit spending and also point out the 'waste' factor.

Crunched · 24/10/2019 17:27

I feel your pain. My teenage university student DD delightedly told me she had earned £160. It transpired she had, in fact, sold clothes that I had bought her (when we were together I should add!) specifically for student life; warm coat, leather winter boots etc. I had paid considerably more than £160.
Teen years are really the gift that keeps on giving, aren’t they?

Original poster
Timewaitsfornobody · 24/10/2019 17:28

I wasn’t tempted to help sell the stuff so it wouldn’t be an even bigger waste of money but I know he wants the money to spend on stuff which is frivolous anyway so either way I see it as a complete waste. I just think he needs to not be thinking that he can ask for expensive stuff with the mindset he can just sell it on at a fraction of the price and have the cash to spend if he changes his mind.

OP posts:
MonChatEstMagnifique · 24/10/2019 17:30

He isn’t remorseful about not ever using the items. They are not the first items he has asked for that have gone unused. Previously it has been football boots and clothing that haven’t had a single use. He knows money is not abundant in our family as well.

In that case, I'd have a chat about the value of money and improving his attitude. When he's shown he understands, has stopped ranting and has apologised, I'd help him sell them. I'd ask him to think more carefully about what he asks for in future, for your sake but also for his own, there's no point having your Xmas money spent on things that you don't ever use.

hunterhal · 24/10/2019 17:38

Ah, Timewaits, you have outlined the cunning (but still foolish) workings of the teenage mind, which you have seen through! Still, he is losing value with his impulsive buys.

I'd give him money from now on as "present".

LadyShrek2k19 · 24/10/2019 17:39

Maybe pitch it that if YOU sell them, you keep the money, but if he wants the money, he needs to put the work in to sell them.

Hopefully at this time of year there is someone who is looking for good condition second hand items for christmas gifts.

I do think he's being ungrateful though and as PP has said perhaps a better understanding of the value of money is needed to help - especially in the run up to Christmas.

MrsDimmond · 24/10/2019 17:43

Oh I completely understand OP.

But you can't dictate how gifts get used after they've been given.

You talk about it of course and be clear about your feelings.

In future I'd stick to cash for presents and let him budget with an allowance

Singlenotsingle · 24/10/2019 17:45

Why does he wañt you to do it? Why can't he do it himself? He could put it on eBay.

itsgettingweird · 24/10/2019 17:55

They're his items.

He wants to sell them then he does it himself.

My ds has loads of Lego from his younger days. Lots of birthday and Xmas gifts and also just random sets we've bought.

He can sell them if he wants. But he can't be arsed to spend the time and effort. He can find hours to watch you tube though!

Original poster
Timewaitsfornobody · 24/10/2019 18:10

ladyshrek we had that exact conversation. He argued that I would be stealing if I took the money and that he didn’t know how to sell the stuff himself

OP posts:
LadyShrek2k19 · 24/10/2019 19:02

@timewaitsfornobody hmmm... so he wants you to go to the effort of selling the thing you went to effort of buying less than 12 months ago, but reap no reward yourself?
I guess you either stick to your guns or teach him how to sell it himself.

Theflying19 · 24/10/2019 22:35

Ranting and raging? Definitely do not sell them for him or he will think he can make a woman do what he wants by throwing a tantrum. Crying out loud - it's up to you whether you want to sell them and if you don't want to then fine. I hate ebay and the like so I'd be with you in telling him to do it himself. If he wants the money he can put some effort in. I don't understand why people think we should always do everything our children want. It just breeds entitled, spoilt tantrumming. Unpleasant in a child. Deeply unpleasant in the resulting grown adult.

cauliflowersqueeze · 24/10/2019 22:40

Offer to sell but say that if you do so you will be taking a cut of a quarter (or third or whatever you want).

Or he can sell it and keep all the money.

Leave the choice with him.

lljkk · 24/10/2019 22:58

I used to take 10% of the sale price if I sold something for DC.