Am I being unreasonable or is my mom?

[Daughter16]

Hey everyone, I’m a 17 year old girl here, and I’m not a mom, but I’m here just to hear some moms’ perspectives on an issue we are currently having at home.

So I’ll get started. Since September last year, I’ve been attending a college which is roughly 40 minutes away from our house. This year, my little sister (11) got into a selective school in the same town, and now we both get drove by our dad to school/college respectively.

Now that we’ve got the background, I’ll get straight to the problem- our morning routine:

We start by getting up somewhere between 6 and 6:30, which I feel is ok to get into school/college at 8:45 or so as we both need to. After that we brush our teeth as people normally do, but here’s the problem- instead of showering and getting ready for school/college after brushing, we then go downstairs in our pjs to have breakfast.

Just to make it clear, breakfast in our house doesn’t mean a croissant or a packet of belvita breakfast biscuits. It means toast and cereal, or an omelette, or a bowl full of porridge with fruit.

By the time we finish eating breakfast, it’s usually around 7:10 or so, after which we go in the bathroom one after the other to get ready.

My sister’s usually first in, and only takes around 10 minutes (as she has had to forgo showering in the mornings and showers after school instead.) So despite this, by the time she comes out, I get around 15 minutes on an average day to go to the toilet, shower and get ready for college.

Let alone getting time to put on makeup or try different hairstyles, I barely get a couple of minutes to dab a bit moisturiser on my my dry skin or put on lip balm.

Despite both me and my sister literally racing out the bathroom, putting on our clothes at break neck speed and running down the stairs to get out the door, we are often late or almost late to school/college.

I have tried to speak to my mum about this issue, but she always says we should just eat faster and be faster in the bathroom, but I personally find it impossible to eat 2 slices of toast and an apple, drink a mug full of tea, and THEN go to the toilet, shower and get ready in under half an hour 😭

If I persist my mom always says that this is the best routine as apparently we’ll need the toilet as soon as we get to school if we eat after getting ready. If I suggest having a smaller breakfast so that doesn’t happen (like a packet of Belvita each or a croissant or something), she insists it won’t be enough.

Basically, however I approach the topic or whatever I suggest, there’s always a reason why this the best way to do things despite it being very inconvenient for so many reasons.

What I wanted to know is if there is a good way I could solve this issue without upsetting my mom?

And is it actually unreasonable of me as a child, from moms’ point of view to ask to change the morning routine?

Sorry if the post was too long btw, I just wanted to make it detailed so you can get a good idea of what’s going on!

GinasGirl has got it spot on. I would add, do some of the makeup in the car.
You don’t say who prepare breakfast. If it is your mum so that you all eat together at the same time, you could tell her you are grateful for her making sure you have a proper breakfast but you’d like to try to do it yourself. By this age, you will be competent enough to make toast, porridge or scrambled eggs. As long as you leave the kitchen clean behind you, she won’t have a problem with that. Your sister will have to figure out her own schedule but give her the option to join you. Really, it’s not the end of the world if you don’t eat together in the morning. I would say that your mum is right in that you need a proper meal before school, it’s just that you have to fit it in around your own routine. At 17, makeup in the morning feels even more important than brushing teeth sometimes so allow time to do it either in stages (some at home, some in the car) or in one go as soon as you shower. Once you are as ready as you can be (showered, teeth, hair, dressed etc) then you go downstairs with your bag, eat what you can, take the rest in the car and that’s that.
You might miss breakfast sometimes, you might need a pee when you get to school but you need these uncomfortable experiences so that you learn to manage yourself.
Your mum only wants to see that you are healthy and prepared for school and she will eventually learn to trust that you can do these things yourself. You just need to tell her you want to try and do it on your own even if you get it wrong a few times. As long as you tell her you appreciate her support so far and you know she’s there for you to guide and help you, she’ll feel reassured that she brought up a well balanced individual who knows how to look after themselves.
Every now and then, surprise your parents and make them a cup of tea.

If the case is that it is you and your sister are already preparing your own breakfast, you simply need to speed up the process. With practice, you’ll get there. But come to breakfast already dressed.

I was also working at 17 - generally as soon as my alarms goes off (6am), I nip downstairs to put the kettle on, then run upstairs and shower. When I've showered I make coffee to take to my room to drink while getting dressed (I eat breakfast at work), brush teeth then go. This has been my routine for the last 20-odd years.

But as others said - you should set your own routine. Try different options - shower the night before/shower while breakfast is being made/ shower when your sister is eating hers etc. Your mum shouldn't be setting the routine - especially as you're practically an adult

This all sounds very strange. Does your dm not allow you to get up, shower, eat breakfast and use the toilet when you want to? Do you have to do it to her timetable?
The only way i can think that might be even partially reasonable is if it is her cooking the breakfast, i would probably be a bit annoyed if you were in the shower when it was ready, although, I'd just leave it on the table for you; or whether there are other members of the family who also need to use the bathroom and need to be factored in.
If you are making your own breakfast and there is no-one else queuing for the bathroom, then i think you need to explain to your dm that now that you are 17 you will take responsibility for your own morning routine (obviously allowing for your sister's needs), but that if you need the toilet when you arrive at college...so what?

Daughter16 I think some of the comments on here are a bit harsh but there is a lot of practical information for you to use as inspiration.
I think it is great you wrote on this forum and you sound very nice and grownup about your family and wanting to address your current morning routine.
You’ll get faster at doing things eventually.

I really cannot understand why at 17 you’re not using the toilet when you need to and are instead only going when your mother tells you to. It’s extremely odd behaviour for both of you.

I agree with all those saying eat in shifts. I like having breakfast witj my two boys (eldest is 12) but am sure I won't be doing so when he is 17.

We all leave the house by 7.30.
I, the mum, get up by 6.40 shower first, have breakfast/make sandwich for lunch , clean teeth, do face, leave. I do have a quick breakfast though, no hot drink.
Husband has shower after me, and does the same routine quicker.
15 yr old eats then showers after me - as long as he’s ‘decent’ I’ll clean teeth while he’s getting dressed in bathroom if I’m in a rush.
17 yr old has her own bathroom and does it all her own way.
So we make it work but it’s a rush.
IMHO you are spending too long on breakfast - I spend 10-15 mins tops which includes emptying dishwasher usually and making a sandwich or getting my lunch together. I also clean teeth after breakfast. Someone needs to shower while the other is eating.
If you need the toilet when you get to college (on time), then go then. I presume there are toilets there! Sometimes I have a quick wee before I leave the house too but if you’ve emptied your bladder when you get up you shouldn’t need to again so quickly.

Get up, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, after sister showers hair and make up etc - but can you not do this in your room anyway?

Upon getting up at 6am you shower while your DS has breakfast then you eat your your tea and toast (save the apple for the car) while your hair dries (if wet). Go toilet. Unless you are very constipated (perhaps due to you not yet having had your apple) you should have got that all done well before 7am leaving you at least an hour to get dressed, do your hair etc.

Sorry why is your mother in charge of when you shower and how much you eat?
You're 17, this is bonkers.
Do the routine which works best for you & tell you're mum to butt out.

Take your shower at night, alternating days with your sister, and stop taking a dog's age to eat your bloody breakfast. Problem solved. At 17 you shouldn't need mummy to figure this out.

Is there someone else in the bathroom while you and your sis eat breakfast?

Just get up earlier, even half an hour will make a difference.

I don't think it's that the op takes too long to eat, her mum seems to want them to eat way too much food...

YANBU. Tell your mum you are 17!
Try out your different hair styles in the eve. Lay out your clothes the night before and have a mirror and make up in your bedroom ready to use.
Monday morning get up at 6.15 to try a new routine. Go straight into the bathroom and get ready. After go into the kitchen and make yourself cereal. You may need to do a quick wee before u leave! Take an apple/banana with you in the car to eat on the way. Sorted!

I'd also like you to add you write well and sound like a considerate daughter

Get up earlier 🤷‍♀️

How is it taking you between 40 and 70 minutes to make and eat breakfast, even if it is an omelette? One goes to the bathroom to shower, the other has breakfast, then switch. No one needs to do hair or make up in the bathroom, get ready in your room.
Why does your mum care when you will need the toilet, sounds a bit overly controlling.

Not troll hunting but the language isn't that of a 17 year old.

Are you the mum?

Just so people know, I reported this thread ages ago and it’s still here. So it must be OK.

Or HQ are eating a roast dinner with crumble after Bertrand

For those who question the language of the poster and doubt she is 17 - 17 year olds can write very well and are not limited to text speak.

OP, I agree with others - at 17 your mum doesn't need to control your routine.

@DoctorAllcome
It’s weird you brush your teeth before eating breakfast....pointless should brush them after breakfast.
No that’s not true you should brush before breakfast not after.

MyDcAreMarvel nope, you should brush 20 minutes after eating.