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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Is it alright for my teenage sons to only wear shorts in front of us?

155 replies

Lisa2019GB · 03/10/2019 21:02

Hi all. I have two sons in their late teens. In the evening after they come home and shower they will watch TV in the living room with just their shorts on - no socks or t-shirt. Sometimes they will fall asleep and I throw a blanket over them. I never thought anything of it, why should I? Anyhow, a friend of mine was visiting recently and commented about it, saying that they should be fully clothed in the house and it's not normal behavior.

My husband doesn't have an issue with it either, he simply says we are family so it doesn't matter it's not like they are naked, but I wanted to get some outside opinions about it from other parents out there as I don't really see the issue personally.

I have have a close relationship with my boys and wouldn't want to make things unnecessarily awkward.

All views appreciated!

Thank you :)

OP posts:
picknmixer · 04/10/2019 09:30

I agree with you and yes, it's fine. Unless of course they are of the 'gaping open fly' variety of boxers that DHs flat mate used to specialise in 🤮

AmIThough · 04/10/2019 09:32

@MilkTrayLimeBarrel what kind of person gets sweaty just sitting on a sofa in October?

Gooseygoosey12345 · 04/10/2019 09:54

It's fine! My kids are rarely fully dressed, they either have no top or no trousers on at any given time. They're at home, they're comfortable and they shouldn't be ashamed of their bodies. I used to walk around the house almost naked before the DC came along and now I'd say no one wants to see my half naked with my mum pouch 😩

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 04/10/2019 10:03

AmIThough - OP did not specifically say this had happened in October! It could have been going on for a while. I only say this as I speak from experience when DH's teenage son used to sit shirtless on the sofa - it was not pleasant afterwards!

MintyMabel · 04/10/2019 10:48

Amazed at all the "it's their house" comments.

They had a visitor. Are we really saying that you can do and act as you like in your own house when you have a visitor? Could the OP have taken off her top if this was a common thing for her to do when it's just family? Or if the DSs had been DDs and were sitting in a skimpy jammas when Uncle Joe came round, do we just say "it's their house"? If OP and her OH we're having a blazing row, do they just carry on in front of a visitor?

How bizarre that people can't see that having a visitor might sometimes mean you change your behaviour and that at 14, kids are old enough to learn that.

Thegullfromhull · 04/10/2019 12:37

Agree @mintymabel!

ReanimatedSGB · 04/10/2019 12:44

It depends on the visitor, and how expected/welcome the visitor is. Someone who turns up unannounced can like it or lump it - bear in mind this twat of a friend was telling the OP that it's not 'normal' for her boys to do this even when they are not expecting anyone.
While people might decide to put themselves out for a welcome guest who they know has slightly prudish or silly views but is otherwise lovable, your home is your private space where you can do as you like.

Original poster
Lisa2019GB · 04/10/2019 12:46

The thing is that they were already undressed before she came over and settled in the living room. They didn't come home, see her and think I will still undress. I am sure if they were consciously aware then they would have wore a t-shirt as well. As for the sweating, well they don't really sweat that much but I have coverings over my sofa material for sitting on, so that isn't much of a concern.

OP posts:
Chocrock · 04/10/2019 12:48

Totally normal but also none of your friends business! Does she always comment on how you live your life?

Original poster
Lisa2019GB · 04/10/2019 12:52

@chocrock It is not typical of her to do that, which is what reinforced the idea that it was strange otherwise I'd disregard it.

OP posts:
Findumdum1 · 04/10/2019 12:57

Sounds very normal to me and shes lucky they weren't actually in their ridiculously small Calvin Klein trunks.

Sparklemummyx0x0x · 04/10/2019 13:01

My 9yr old often sits around in his shorts/underpants. Though he's still at the stage where he doesn't care about being naked. It wouldn't bother me when he's older either.
It's their house, they can be as comfortable as they like.

Not to cause offence, could it be (as a previous poster suggested) that the shorts are baggy and had ridden up and something was on show and she found that uncomfortable? As men do like to sit with their legs wide open etc.
I'm really trying to think of a specific reason for that comment.

Lyingonthesofainthedark · 04/10/2019 13:02

I think shorts are fine but underwear is not

MintyMabel · 04/10/2019 13:39

The thing is that they were already undressed before she came over and settled in the living room

I don’t see what difference that makes. You ask them to go and put a shirt on. Or if being shirtless is so important to them and not disturbing them is so important to you, you have your visit in another room.

If your OH had been in his underpants would you have asked him to cover up? These are not small children for whom social etiquette doesn’t apply, they are approaching adulthood.

CurryAndCobra · 04/10/2019 13:47

Your "friend" is weird. Not your boys.

MeadowHay · 04/10/2019 14:03

Im in my twenties and only have a toddler so no experience to give you, but I was brought up in a household where it would have been unthinkable for my DB to sit on the sofa in just shorts. He still loves at home with my parents and is also in his twenties and would never do that. But I think that's sad, I actually think it's fine, why not? I would ask/encourage them to put a top on if visitors come around though but I definitely see people's points about it being like at the beach etc. I get that, but visiting someone in their home isn't the same as the beach, it's a different environment and personally I feel out of respect to the other person you should be clothed. So I would have expected them to go and put a top on once they saw you had a visitor, or keep out of the way of the visitor.

Bourbonbiccy · 04/10/2019 14:06

It's absolutely fine for your children to be in just shorts in their own home.

I don't understand anyone who would think otherwise, but I suppose everyone is different. It's your home and your children, if they are comfortable and you are, that's really all that matters .

Original poster
Lisa2019GB · 04/10/2019 14:12

@MintyMabel I don’t see what difference that makes.

It would have made them feel awkward to announce that they cover-up and as I said I wasn't consciously aware that it was a problem - it is no different to what you see at a beach or swimming center. And we were in another part of the house, after which she headed for the living room and sat down to say hello. They aren't strangers to her we've known her for 10 years so I don't know where the issue stems from.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lisa2019GB · 04/10/2019 14:16

@Sparklemummyx0x0x could it be (as a previous poster suggested) that the shorts are baggy and had ridden up and something was on show and she found that uncomfortable?

The shorts are baggy but I'm sure they don't wear them without boxers underneath although I can't say I've taken the liberty to check that lol

The chance of what you said happening is highly unlikely as that has never happened to me when I sit in there thank the lord. If she felt uncomfortable because of an outline on the shorts then that is ridiculous, it's not really something you can hide unless men wear thicker clothing than that.

OP posts:
sugarbum · 04/10/2019 14:34

I see no problem. My boys wander around in their pants. DH wanders around with nothing on. Whilst my kids are younger than yours, I don't anticipate this ever changing. They are fine to do this in their own home. Its

We are in a new build and its pretty warm all the time - there's no reason for them to be fully clothed unless they are on their way outside, or if we've got visitors. If we had unexpected visitors I'd be saying 'go and get some shorts and t-shirt on' because I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable faced with folk in their underwear.

The point is though that the words you say she used "they should be fully clothed in the house and it's not normal behavior." were pretty rude actually. Its your home. And its merely her opinion. In my opinion her opinion is bollocks.

wishiwasinthesun · 04/10/2019 14:40

Totally normal. She had no right to make such a comment in your house, bit different if they went round her house and stripped off!

MintyMabel · 04/10/2019 16:47

It would have made them feel awkward to announce that they cover-up

Then you need to be teaching them about social boundaries. Older teenagers shouldn’t feel awkward about covering up for a guest.

MintyMabel · 04/10/2019 16:48

it is no different to what you see at a beach or swimming

They weren’t at the beach or swimming. You’d be happy with them going topless to Tesco would you?

itsgettingweird · 04/10/2019 16:52

I'd ask them to put on a t shirt if you had visitors.

Other than that fine!

I come home and put on pj bottoms. My ds is a swimmer and spends half his life in swim jammers. Getting him to take off a t shirt any other time is a nightmare!
Even when it's boiling hot 🙄

Original poster
Lisa2019GB · 04/10/2019 17:56

UPDATE

Thank you so much for the fabulous advice received and interesting views / opinions. I didn't realize that Mumsnet was such a fantastic forum, if only I had used this over the years! Wink

That being said, I have spoken to the boys today, just casually without sounding awkward, explaining that if we guests over in the future, either to put a t-shirt on or relax in their bedrooms. Other than that I disregard what was said to me. I brought them up from baby to man it makes no difference to me whether they're wearing shorts, boxers or whatever makes them comfortable and it should be the same for any mother Smile

OP posts: